My first conversation with a black man occurred at the age of 19.
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My first conversation with a black man did not occur until the age of 19. His name was Terry.
I was a Mizzou sophomore who led a Christian choir called Evidence. I do not remember if we recruited Terry or if he found us. However, I knew that he could throw down a tune. He was gifted without a doubt.
Prior to knowing Terry, I had only seen black people on television or at high school basketball games. All of our 160 classmates in my 1997 graduating class were white.
Even today, when you visit my hometown of Dexter, Missouri — just a few miles from the border that separated the North and South in 1861 — you likely will not see a person of color unless it is at a gas station on the outskirts of town. I have never understood the reason nor did I had the courage to bring it up in a conversation. Although, I was desperate for answers.
I am no race relations expert, but I am very bothered by this challenge. Can you tell me how a city of nearly 8,000 is home to fewer than 40 African American residents (0.5%, 2010), while 25% of citizens in nearby communities are Black (26%, 2010).
I have struggled with this for most of my adult life. Although, I think there is likely t0 be only one explanation. I come from a community with a perceived history of racism.
As a public figure, this has been difficult for me to accept the reality. I am not claiming Dexter’s citizens are racist. Perhaps, there could be a valid unrelated reason for the demographic anomaly. However, there is no denying that I grew up in a place, where literally EVERYONE was of the same color.
During the first 18 years of my life, I was in an environment that did not promote inclusion, acceptance, or understanding of anyone who was different than us. I even vividly remember the first time that I saw a woman with a burka on campus. I went to the internet to search for an explanation. I was a public high school graduate in the world’s biggest melting pot with no understanding of a custom from the world’s second largest religion. Let that sink in.
The events at the University of Missouri, similar to others of racial tension nationwide, have challenged my inner being. I am a proud alumni and love the city of Columbia. It was rated one of the top 100 cities to live in America. It is where I enjoyed waking Missourians up with their “Weather on the 7’s” for eight years. So, I am naturally upset by the irrational behavior and bad publicity.
It is typically goes undiscovered until someone makes a public statement (often on social media) that is laced with an odor of ignorance. I do not want to be THAT guy. So, I keep quiet. I am scared to even bring up the topic with close friends in a private setting and even more in a public forum. I always wonder though. Maybe, it is the denial and silence from people like me that fuels the tension just as much (if not more) than someone at a rally.
If I have still got your attention, here is my point. It is okay to admit it. Some of us came from a background that did not promote equality. However, shrugging it off and failing to recognize how the past has jaded the present makes us idiots.
I can testify that Terry had courage beyond his years. Many of those experiences that we shared together included performing at all-white churches in similar communities to mine.
The bottom line is that there is no blame to pass onto anybody. My parents did nothing wrong. Somewhere, somehow, a series of events or decisions made by leaders have made my native Missouri hometown a very homogeneous place. The gross realization of my ignorance from this fact is what I must bring to every future conversation regarding race.
Another version of this article appeared in Medium.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
“…The bottom line is that there is no blame to pass onto anybody. My parents did nothing wrong. Somewhere, somehow, a series of events or decisions made by leaders have made my native Missouri hometown a very homogeneous place.” Unfortunately, a lot of people that live and work in racist areas or workforce believe this statement is true. The truth is, those leaders were elected by that community to maintain a certain “order of things” and if you were to look back at their political platform you would see that that homogeneous community was designed that way and agreeably maintained… Read more »
I was about to head off to work when this article caught my eye.
I was just the opposite. I grew up with some close black friends. Imagine the stress when my high-school was involved in “race riots”, and how it pressured us…but we endured, set example, spoke the words.
Do not ever be afraid to speak those thoughts, ask those questions. They are what is needed.
Jason,
As a Black person I could not agree with you more! You are right on target!
Excellent article. The fact is that it is Whites of good will who are silent or indifferent in the face of racial injustice that are the real problem. Too many White (especially White liberals) believe that simply because they are liberal or do not use racial slurs that they are okay. In their mindset that is all they need to do. This is a very misguided mindset. Dialogue about race and racism must be direct, continuous and ongoing. Period. To quote the late self described ” black, lesbian, feminist, poet, warrior” Audre Lorde ” the war against dehuminization is ceaseless.”… Read more »