A man’s infertility is, of course, one of the most taboo subjects in our culture. We avoid it like a root canal, as it can strike at a man’s sense of self, piercing his protective virile armor. Women grapple with erratic cycles, fickle ovaries, checking their calendars and fretting over drugs like Clomid and Ovidrel; but men, well . . . men are always up for the act of procreation, proverbial fountains of fecundity. Except when they’re not. While female infertility has spawned an entire industry devoted to helping older women conceive, we now know that a man’s age, too, can play a crucial role.
Testosterone levels decline slowly from the age of 30—roughly at the rate of one percent per year—impacting how fast and straight a man’s sperm swim. And as a man traverses his thirties, another, more sinister process kicks in, as an enzyme known as aromatase converts testosterone to estradiol, or estrogen. This explains, in part, why a man’s body softens during the decade—it’s quite literally becoming more feminine. As Dr. Harry Fisch, a professor of urology at the Weill Cornell Medical College and director of the Male Reproductive Center at New York Presbyterian Hospital in Manhattan, notes, a large pot belly and “man boobs” are tell-tale signs of deficient testosterone and lowered fertility.
There’s also the looming threat of DNA replication. A man’s spermatogonia—the primitive cells that develop into sperm—divide around 23 times each year after puberty; a 50-year-old man has undergone some 800 rounds of division. Each cell-split can cause random mutations in the DNA coiled inside the head of a thrashing, vigorous sperm—the risk of a single-gene mutation, for instance, is up to five times higher in a 45-year-old man than in a guy two decades his junior.
These tiny skips in the genetic alphabet can lead to incidences of serious disease. There’s a growing corpus of evidence that links older fathers and offspring with severe disorders, such as schizophrenia, bipolarity, and autism. Key studies in Australia and Israel have found that the chance of a 40-year-old man siring a schizophrenic child is around six to eight percent. And emerging data suggests that the children of older fathers score lower on I.Q. and other standardized tests.
That said, adolescent fatherhood also presents some problems. As Dr. Fisch notes, “we suspect that a sixteen-year-old’s sperm isn’t all that good.”
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So is there a clear answer to the question, When should I become a father?
If you map out the regions of successful fatherhood on a bar graph—fertility, financial, and parenting skills—you’ll see a few overlaps. While parenting skills, which are best at age 45 and up, are well off the chart, the region best represented on the graph are ages 28 to 32.
There are plenty of contrary examples, of course. We all know men who sired children in their early twenties and have proven to be exemplary fathers. And there are plenty of older men whose toddlers are hale and hearty and developing normally. But as the science of male fertility unfolds—and as more men embrace the role of caretaker—it’s vital to spotlight the information that men should know in order to make the correct judgments for themselves and their loved ones.
Last November I celebrated two milestones: my forty-sixth birthday and my oldest son’s eighth. Afflicted with a neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), he’s cognitively normal but severely disabled—born with a lack of motor neurons, he’s virtually paralyzed, and relies on various machines to perform the basic tasks of breathing and feeding. (I should note that his condition has nothing to do with my age; it results from the fact that both my wife and I are carriers of this particular genetic defect.) A decade ago, his doctors would have told us he wouldn’t live to his second birthday. Fortunately, the techniques to treat his respiratory problems have improved; he’s now reached 400% life expectancy, largely because of the arduous medical care we give him, ably assisted by a team of skilled nurses, therapists, and clinicians. Each day with him opens up like a flower.
Could I have embraced fatherhood had I faced these challenges at the age of 28 or 32? I doubt it. At that age I was completely absorbed by the trappings of a profession, business lunches charged to expense accounts, hitting the bars with friends. The raucous rhythms of my young manhood seasoned me in ways that made want to be the best father possible—but that epiphany came later. For better and worse, the disease has become the organizing principle in my life, shaping my relationship with him and with my healthy, younger twins. In my early thirties I would have recoiled from the experience of extreme parenting; in my late thirties I took it up as a cause, hunkering down in my own solitary classroom of the mind, drilling myself in the basics, as though I were learning simple arithmetic and grammar all over.
Turns out 37 was the perfect age for me to become a father.
—Photo by .sanden./Flickr, kennytyy/Flickr
My karate sensei is going to be a first time dad at age 46…to twins! He, in his own words, is “scared sh-tless”….I told him I would help out with babysitting! He owns his own home and has plenty of assets, but his job is in sales and depends on commissions (or some weird formula), so his financial picture is not as secure as he would like….But he is throwing the baby shower at some ritzy country club, so I assume his family would help out if he was in dire straits…I think he is freaking out over this in… Read more »
After 21. If the law cannot recognize you as responsible enough to use your liver how can it see you as fit to use your gonads?
A well written article that I can readily I identify with. At 36 I became a stepfather to a 10 and 14 years old. At 36 I was better prepared for the responsibilities and emotional demands of stepfatherhood. At 40 I became a biological dad to Nathaniel. In my 20’s I was too selfish and self-centered to be an effective parent. My son today is a emotional healthy, confident and intelligent 11 year old I feel in large part of my prepared as an older parent. I recognize the important of spending quality time with my son and have alot… Read more »
@Erin All what I can say again and again is about if you know any reason why a man should marry and have children in Western countries, let me know. – I think, it’s too risky. Better stay single, as Western laws are not supportive to you as a man/husband/father and not even to your child if it is a boy. The question about the ideal age to become a father – I was 26 for the first, and 29 for the second child, same age as my foreign wife. Just my opinion, it’s best you are a rather young… Read more »
Yohan, I’m more then glad you went your own way and found love. That’s really fabulous! But foreign countries aren’t all living in some utopia gender world where men and women get nothing but respect from their partners and everyone is perfect and happy. You’re relationships sounds very nice. But guess what? My very American parents had a very similiar one until my father passed away over a year ago. Loving relationsihps in America aren’t myths. It’s not deeply misogynistic to talk about issues men face in the court system. They certainly do face issues that should be discussed. But… Read more »
There is hardly any good reason for a man to become a father at all.
In case of divorce/separation he is subject to pay and to pay and likely never see his children…
Hey, do us all a favor and go get a vasectomy dude… you shouldn’t be breeding.
Why not? I did so already, and my 2 daughters are already 30+, university-educated. And I take care also for a fostergirl. But I am not living in a feminist Western country and my wife is Asian, married since over 35 years, never divorced. And what about you? Are you married, do you have children? No problem for me personally, I found my way out of the Western feminist rip-off, but I think about all these poor fathers, who were cheated and left by their wives, and often it turns even out they are not even the biological fathers and… Read more »
Yohan, what advice do you/have you given your 30+ daughters about marriage and men? Are they already married? Are they the only good women left? It’s a low precentage of men that turn out to be raising children that aren’t biologically theirs. It happens and it’s unfair to both the fathers and the children, but it’s not the most typical event. But you aren’t going to help any man by telling them they don’t get anything out of fatherhood and it’s all “western” feminist fault and to not get married because there is a chance to get hurt or screwed… Read more »
Good analysis here for those planning on having children. One little gripe though: you mean IF a man is planning on being a father. There’s also the childfree option, and for some people it’s great at any age!
Agree so very much. Childfree can be the better option.
People will make it work, no matter what age they are, if they really want kids. Not everyone meets their partner at 25.
But it’s good to open conversations about male fertility and breaking the stereotypes that often follow that. It’s not just a female question of age vs. children, clearly it’s also a good question for men to ask themselves too.
I was 33. Worked out well.
Beautifully said, Hamilton. Especially the last line. Really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Julie, hope to see you soon!
I generally recommend to my younger friends that they become fathers before 30. I discovered too late that you don’t really want puberty and menopause living in the same house. 🙂
Or aging man hormone issues as well I suppose?
Funny, I tell the young bucks I know just the opposite but your point is well taken.
Like many men, I was too selfish & immature before I was 30 to be the father I am today.
Great article and excellent summary of this complex topic. Thank you. I wonder if the “better parent” box will gradually become younger as more young men now have better role models in their own fathers, and in the culture generally (not least of which in the GMP!). Also, as more women are capable of being co-breadwinners, this may help couples reduce financial risk and become more financially stable earlier in life, as well as create boundaries on work that ennable both parents to have time and energy for good parenting. I suspect men who are capable of forming equal partnership… Read more »
PS – Isn’t the best judge of our parenting our children after they are grown? Then, after they have autonomy, they sometimes feel freer to say whether what we have done for them is good. And sometimes they have some world experience as well.
This is one of the challenges of parenting – a difficult job and you don’t really know how you did until it’s over.
“… more young men now have better role models in their own fathers, and in the culture generally …”
Young men have virtually no positive role models in our culture. When men are culturally visible at all, it is as objects of defamation and disdain.
* Exhibit one is the orgy of murderers, rapists, and other violent men that feed the insatiable western appetite for man-hatred.
* Exhibit two is a litany of buffoons, losers, drunkards, and idiots providing comic relief and allowing everyone to feel better in comparison.
The modern “positive role model” has one inescapable requirement: no penis.
How is that men like Hamilton Cain are able to become fathers then, if they have no penises? Immaculate conception? 🙂