Whether or not you’ll be watching ’50 Shades of Grey,’ you’ll be asked to discuss it’s worth. James Halcomb gives you other options this Valentine’s Day.
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The next great social media debate is on the horizon, and I am not going to take a side, but just to let you know, taking a side is not only foolish, but hypocritical. I speak of course of the film ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and what it says about you as a person if you see it or don’t see it, and what we think of people who do or don’t see it.
Our new rage in social media is to take a side, often a side we really don’t want to take, but feel forced to because of peer pressure. PEER PRESSURE… something I felt sure we adults had grown out of, but we haven’t. Then when we have taken our side, then we must defend it, but not with logic or thought, but with name calling and bullying.
So just to ease the minds of those that are out there, to give hope to those who do or do not like these books, or do or do not have a desire to see the film, I want you to honestly know that it DOESN’T MATTER!!
Your movie, book, TV or music choices do not define you as a person. It is art, and as meant to draw and emotional and/or intellectual response from us. It is meant to inspire and lift us. It is meant to be an expression, whether valid or not, whether good or not is where the debate comes in. Attaching some sort of derogatory label on an artist, a piece of art, or a person who likes or dislikes that piece of art is judgment. Passing judgment is a sin (for those religiously inclined, like myself) and just plain bullying (for those not so inclined).
So please take a moment before you join some Facebook page that touts itself as being “against” this film or any other film. There have been protests against films and television, sparking blips on the media landscape, but ultimately accomplishing very little. Protests against, ‘The Last Temptation of Christ,’ ‘NYPD BLUE’ and arresting musicians and even comedians (Lenny Bruce… Google him and be amazed that in a land of free speech, we arrested someone for exercising that very right). The results were minimal, often bringing more attention and acclaim to the very thing they were protesting.
All I am saying is that if you are not interested in seeing the film, don’t go see it. Making some sort of social media proclamation is narcissism at its most profound. Be a grownup, stay home and spend time with you loved ones or kids.
Now I will give you two alternative recommendations for those who are in the need for romance or for… well you know….
For ROMANCE, the sweet and magical kind:
‘Roxanne’ is a 1987 American Romantic comedy film directed by Fred Schepisi (Google him, you may have not heard of him, but I promise you have seen at least one of his movies). It is a modern retelling of the play, Cyrano de Bergerac. The film was written by Steve Martin and starring Martin and Daryl Hannah. The awesome but tragically flawed hero, the beautiful damsel, and a star-crossed love affair, this is a genuinely sweet (but not syrupy sweet film) with just enough of the Martin madness that a guy, like myself is not ashamed to admit his love for it.
Honorable Mentions: “Four Weddings and a Funeral”, “Princess Bride”, “The Way We Were” and “Singin’ In the Rain”
For ROMANCE, the weird and “don’t tell Mom you watched that” kind:
‘Secretary’ (2002): James Spader in a suit, Maggie Gyllenhaal as his way too naughty secretary. Like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ this film plays up the dominate/submissive play. Unlike that film, ‘Secretary’ is naughty in a humorous and at times surprisingly light-hearted way. You could do a rated “G” cut of this film and it would still play well, which I think might be hard to say about “Grey.”
Honorable Mentions: “They Fly (1986)”, “Moulin Rouge! (2001)”, “True Romance (1993)” and “Wild at Heart” (1990).
Have fun with Valentine’s Day, don’t make your choices based on political or social media pressure. Don’t let Fox News or The New York Times or even me, belittle you or the entertainment you enjoy.
OMG…it’s supposed to be an entertaining movie! Lighten up! Cinderella’s fairy godmother wasn’t a lesbian!
Wow, I am so glad that little piece I wrote got so much discussion. You humble me. Thanks…
As Gender Diversity and Inclusion consultants, it is hard to ignore the fuss about the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series of books/movies. We hope that the dialogue can be a healthy one and does not make the gender gap any wider. Here’s some info on how to have healthy dialogue about this and other “hot” topics in the media: http://www.challengethenorms.com/2015/02/50-shades-of-questions/
This book and movie are so hugely successful and popular because this is what women want all the feminist bs notwithstanding. They want to be controlled, taken care of and provided for by a man that is in control and capable of providing for them.
What attracts a large portion of women to this book is similar to what attracts them to your run of the mill chick flick – it’s a love story. In the classical romance novel theme, there is an aloof high status, lone wolf male desiring a vulnerable, sweet as peaches female – close in spirit to venerable Pretty Woman and Cinderella. The BDSM angle is just passion/desirability on steroids.
I think you’re spot on, here.
I’ve read a fair share of erotic fiction, and I really don’t understand why THIS series is the breakout best-seller for the genre. It was hardly the best bit of erotic writing published in the past few years, and nowhere near the worst, either. Pretty much middle of the pack in terms of quality. Making a movie out of it is a bit like honoring the Toyota Corolla as “The Most Awesome Car of All Time.”
As I understand it, the lead actor is Irish but his character is American. I bet if his version of Christian Grey had a bit more of an Irish or British accent then the movie would be even more popular among American women….
P.S. Over the next few weeks that hospital emergency rooms should brace themselves for a marked increase the in the number of embarrassed people coming in with burns, abrasions, ligature injuries, etc. Thousands of couples will be inspired to do things they never tried before without understanding the precautions necessary. Nothing that ER docs haven’t seen before, but just a higher number than usual.
Are we going to have an *honest* discussion of the movie, or will this be like the widespread dishonest responses to the original book? I say “dishonest,” because I can’t help but notice a very suspicious phenomenon. Tens of millions of people have read the book, but no one admits to liking it. Apparently 100 million people read a book and recommended it to their friends, and yet not one of them claims to have enjoyed it at all. This has to be the most popular yet least liked book ever published. This phenomenon is either an epidemic of hipster… Read more »
L.O.L! Yeah, maybe while they’re at it they should have a P.S.A. about Domestic Violence before the movie!
I often feel that I’m getting a similar dishonest response around the conversation of porn. Where I feel a majority of it has grown abusive to women yet when I talk to men about it, they all claim they like nothing but the most socially respectful of stuff.
Good point, absolutely. I’ve noticed that, too. It’s about time someone recognized the similarity between porn videos and erotic fiction writing. It’s especially refreshing to hear a woman admit that the difference between reading an explicit erotic story is not so different from porn as many people want to believe. I’d be very curious to see the response from female readers of erotic fiction when they are told that their reading habits are ripping holes in the social fabric and they should be ashamed of themselves. I’m guessing it would be pretty similar to the response from male porn viewers… Read more »
Wellokaythen, in all honesty, there are similarities to written vs visual entertainment but there are differences too. The most obvious being real people used in film and characters used in writing. The most obvious similarity? Subject matter can easily objectify, stereotype, pigeon hole and exploit people for the pleasure, desires and whims of another regardless of the format. There is even a bit of difference between 50 Shades of Grey the movie and 50 Shades the written book and differences between simulated sex scenes and actual porn where people are having real sex. Although that doesn’t mean the same message… Read more »
Wellokthen and Erin:
There are other possibilities that both of you ought to consider:
1. Maybe your statistics are wrong. Maybe the number of people who have read the book and the percentage of porn that’s violent have been exaggerated by people with agendas that encourage hyperbole.
2. Maybe your anecdotal sample size is too small.
3. Perhaps these people who are lying to you are mostly lying to you but not to other people. If a person asks a question in a scary, highly judgmental way, then you might expect the responder to answer untruthfully.
Sure Steve. All that is naturally plausible. But it’s just as plausible that statistics are correct. That people have and promote their own agendas on the other side of the coin. That the anecdotal sample isn’t too small and that people very well may be lying to themselves about what they look at when no one is watching them.
At the end of the day, where exactly does that leave us?
So James, you rather we never discuss the complex social and psychological ideas that are backdrops to our entertainment? Our entertainment doesn’t say things about who we are or the way we think? While I totally agree that no one should call someone names for liking a certain kind of entertainment, that anger and rage accomplish very little in discussing different ideas; to not discuss what we are collectively seeing and experiencing through are media on a daily basis doesn’t help us either. Media is extremely influential. It shapes ideas and how we treat, think and feel about one another,… Read more »
Why should it be discussed? There’s thousands of movies with lots of sex in it that don’t get discussed. Why is it so important now?
Because it represents BDSM as being what really is rape, which may inadvertently make a lot of people think rape is OK when they’re pretending to do BDSM.
George, I agree with you. But doesn’t pornography do the same thing when it comes to BDSM? In all honestly, while I dislike 50 Shades, and the message it sends around women, sexuality and love, pornography has been telling us what sex should be like for eons now. No one seems worried about that though. When you take around the sensationlism of the sex. The reason 50 Shades is popular with women because he is a billioniare that she can “change” to fall in love with her. It’s not popular because of the sex. Otherwise, the lead would have been… Read more »