Quiet Riot Girl asks, “What’s not to like?”
According to the brief I was sent for the current GMP theme, the articles collected here address:
why we, as a culture, spend so much time focused on men’s bodies. Why is this important to us? Is working out a means of self-expression for men? Is how a man cares for his body reflecting his own desire to speak more openly about his personal emotions, fears and desires to dominate in an otherwise repressed culture?
I could provide a one-word answer to those questions and it would be “metrosexuality”.
In his latest book, Metrosexy (2011), Mark Simpson clearly explains how men’s “desire to be desired” has been embraced, encouraged and exacerbated by consumer culture. So that now, a man not caring about his body and appearance would be very unusual indeed.
There are lots of stereotypes about metrosexual men that seem to hold particular sway in America. The most lasting one is that metro-men are actually gay. Whilst Simpson tells us that yes, gay men’s narcissism and body image culture (gay gyms, saunas, gay clubs with topless dancing etc) have contributed to metrosexuality gaining ground, it is actually the condition that all men, or at least all young men, now find themselves in:
Contrary to what you have been told, metrosexuality is not about flip-flops and facials, ‘man-bags’ or ‘manscara’. Or about men becoming ‘girlie’ or ‘gay’. It’s about men becoming everything. To themselves. In much the way that women have been for some time. It’s the end of the sexual division of bathroom and bedroom labour. It’s the end of sexuality as we’ve known it.
So I think the idea of repression is relevant to metrosexual masculinity. By embracing previously considered feminine attributes such as following fashion, using moisturiser and even wearing make-up, men are freeing themselves up to express themselves through their bodies and clothes. Also, men do indeed talk about their bodies in a way that may enable them to share their feelings and insecurities with each other (and women – I had a boyfriend who wouldn’t shut up about his body!). Narcissism only really functions if it is shared. This is borne out by the current phenomenon of young men (and women, but men in particular) posting photos of themselves in various states of undress on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Not to mention the thousands of Youtube videos featuring guys doing workouts, flexing their muscles or generally just showing off.
Metrosexy, then, as well as being a document of the way masculinity has changed over the last two decades, is also quite a passionate defense of metrosexual men. It celebrates the positive aspects of men’s changing behaviours, and their increased interest in their bodies, their style, and their sense of self. Simpson does not spend much time discussing feminism in the book, but he does allude to changing gender roles and women’s continued empowerment. In the introduction he states that metrosexuality is “about men finally realising that if women can appropriate hitherto ‘male’ behaviour and practises for their own enjoyment and advancement, then why can’t men do the same thing? And if women won’t be women for men any more, why on Earth should men be men for women?”
So to all the naysayers who present metrosexuality as a bad idea, whether it is because it seems to them to be “girly” or “gay” or “narcissistic,” I, influenced by Simpson, say this: Metrosexual men are actually much more independent, much more self-confident, and much more self-sufficient than previous generations were, and they scrub up well too! What’s not to like?
Metrosexy identifies some important metrosexual pioneers, such as David Beckham, Ronaldo, and their predecessors including Keanu Reeves, the Rolling Stones, and Elvis. But most importantly it advocates how all men (and women) are important actors in the changing gender landscape. It is of course possible to argue that contemporary culture is superficial and self-regarding, but Metrosexy shows even the most superficial and self-regarding men in their best light. For that reason I think it is a must-read for everyone interested in men, masculinity and gender.
Metrosexy is out now on Amazon Kindle.
—Photo AP
About Quiet Riot Girl
Ambiguous sexuality is a Darwinian response to the ever present rape hysteria.
He’s “safe” and will act as society allows him to,even if it is counter-intuitive, it is a survival response in a hostile environment.
That is an interesting perspective on it. I am going to think about it and respond when I have collected my thoughts!
Where in her article does it state anything about ambiguous sexuality? I think you are projecting your own feelings on what you feel a metrosexual is here. As for it being the response to the ever present rape hysteria, did you ever read (or see) American Psycho? That guy was the original metrosexual (in the initial loose definition of an urban man who knows about style and fashion) and was also a fierce sexual predator. I don’t agree that there is a correlation of the two.
My perspective (and I would say if I was close to any definition it would be a metrosexual). I am 6’5, 210 lbs and pretty fit however I’m not a “guy” (and have written an article here about just that subject). I could care less about sports (especially watching them on TV). I do use some product (mainly moisturizer) but I am not Schmidt from New Girl. I do know how to be around other guys, and can talk just enough sports, and know just enough about the culture to fit in. Until the time comes to “go with the flow” when something wrong is about to happen, and then I speak up. I try to be a leader.
I change diapers regularly. I don’t come home and ignore my kids to have a drink and read the paper like my father did. I take them off their mom’s hands and play with them. I spend every minute not working with my family (instead of pursuing traditional guy only activities like hunting, watching sports, etc like my father did).
Yet I still understand the importance of exposing my sons to this culture, and will be able to assist them in fitting in. I will expose my sons to the traditional male culture, but with my spin on it. What works, what does not, and what really matters.
The evolved Metrosexual (at least evolved from American Psycho) in my opinion is a positive evolution of man. It is a man more in touch with his feelings, and emotions. A man who is not afraid to be sensitive, yet still feels empowered as a man to take direction and right wrongs and any injustices that he witnesses. A man who believes in being a true partner in a relationship. One who is determined to work on himself and make himself a better man through a process of constant change in letting go of destructive, dysfunctional behavior that he has been exposed to over the course of his life while adopting positive more beneficial ones as a result of his commitment to make himself a better person. A man who will then pass that positive behavior along to his children (or to others if he chooses not to have children), and who as a results breaks the endless cycle of dysfunction that permeates our society generation by generation through damaged individuals who never try to overcome it.
Michael,
I enjoyed reading your response. Sounds like we are kinda both on the same page. I think there are many men out there in roles they don’t want to be in because of societal expectations and pressures put upon them by dependents and the need to amass stuff. I have been working hard at reprioritizing my life allowing me to place my attention and my thoughts on things that matter most (not talking shop with other men, not talking about silly sporting statistics…but by the same token, not indulging in narcissistic activities either). Glad to see there is another one of us out there!!
Thanks. Don’t get me wrong. I am ambitious and like to amass stuff. Especially technology. However, my wife and I are in firm agreement that if the floor were to drop out and we were faced with losing everything we would let it all go without a second thought to keep our family healthy and intact. Even try to turn it into an adventure. Fortunately that has not happened yet.
I totally agree with you though about having to keep up the pretense with other men. It gets old, and is probably the reason why the men I am friends with are similar to me in that respect (there are not many of us out there).
There are just more important things in the world. Like raising the next generation to be leaders who understand the importance of hard work, fair play, empathy, and honesty (and eventually, and most importantly Altruism which is my personal mission statement in life to reintroduce back into society). Think of all the best traits of the 50s and 60s without any of the racism, misogyny, or other bad stuff that also permeated those era’s.
Ultimately it is about using our technology and the decades of emotional evolution to start being smarter about who we are as a society, and what mark we are going to leave. To start thinking about the bigger picture.
I think I like your title as the enlightened male, much better than “Metrosexual”. I agree it is nice meeting another!
The Patrick Bateman example is pretty poor. Not only is he a fictional character, but the reason that he’s interesting is that he’s not expected to be a monster (assuming the crimes weren’t just in his head). Freebird is correct that the metrosexual persona of someone like Bateman makes him seem more “safe”. That’s what allowed him to commit his crimes. He says hello to a woman waiting to cross a street. If not for his careful grooming and stylish clothes, she might have been scared away. But she wasn’t, so she presumably became a victim of rape/ murder (implied by the bloody bed sheets in a following scene).
When that book came out I heard women in New York freaked out. Because if the predator was non-metrosexual, he would be more easily avoided.
For me it is interesting that he was using his ‘metrosexuality’, as early as 1991 when the book came out, to appear ‘acceptable’ socially or ‘safe’ as you say.
That suggests to me that metrosexuality was becoming ‘normalised’ back then. 20 years later it is everywhere!
I have no problem with other men living their lives as they want but I’m not so sure that promoting vanity and superficiality in men or women is a good thing.
Exactly. I find overzealous grooming and attention to appearance equally unappealing in men and women. I don’t like the metrosexual look, for me it’s a huge turn-off. I also don’t have any female friends who regularly wear makeup or fake hair/nails etc.
It’s a step in the right direction if everyone feels more comfortable expressing themselves, but I wouldn’t say that metrosexuality is good or bad, it just is. People as individuals will be good or bad regardless of how they dress.
Why continue to put more labels on men and women to set them apart.
I know when I meet a good man or a good woman. It’s not rocket science.
Using these terms really is a turnoff. I guess it was a great title for the book for people to pay attention to.
Hi Sherri
I agree about labels. In the introduction to his book, Simpson says the same thing – that labels do not define the man (or woman). The funny thing about ‘metrosexual’ though, is that when Mark first came up with the term in 1994 nobody used it at all. It is in recent years that the term has become popular (whether people have used it positively or negatively), since about 2003, used by ordinary members of the public. This makes me think that, in the 21st century, some word is needed to describe how masculinity is changing.
Yeah, this. Some of the posts have a subtle elitist attitude, too.
I find the ‘evolved’ notion laughable and insulting. And people are still falling into the trap of denigrating certain behaviours because of their presumed masculinity. As if men don’t have emotions, or can be be sensitive or thoughtful without first ‘evolving’ into a ‘metrosexual’? What rubbish. Metrosexualism is a dead end label. We don’t need it.
Quiet Riot Girl,
I enjoyed your posting. Speaking as a married man of 20 years with two wonderful daughters, I can tell you that metrosexuality isn’t just about fashion and self-preservation.
I am borderline metrosexual. While I do apply moisturizer to my face after shaving and always am concerned about my grooming, to me, metrosexuality is about not personifying the male stereotype (into sports, taking business all the time, tech gadgets, oggling women and drinking beer).
I find myself more interested in conversation at the dinner table that the women are having then the men. Metrosexual men (from my perspective at least) are into discussions about emotion, relationships, spirituality. They love talking about their children, they love their spouses/partners and embrace life fully.
I am not gay, I don’t have a six-pack belly and I don’t bronze my body in between trips to the warmer climate locations.
I am not about “he who dies with the most toys, wins”…because we all die, regardless of how many toys we have or don’t have.
Hi
Thanks for your comment. I quite like the idea of a ‘borderline metrosexual’!
I have noticed a few people use the term ‘metrosexual’ to go beyond physical behaviours and to incorporate emotional sensitivity etc. I think it is an interesting idea. I am sure that metrosexuality is in part, to do with the ‘blurring’ of gender expression and that will include the psychological/emotional as well as the physical.
Hi all
Thanks a lot for your comments. Some great insights there. I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of comments. Sometimes authors of posts butt in too much (including me)!
I loved the reference to American Psycho- Patrick Bateman truly is an early prototype of metrosexual man!
QRG
Hi QRG:
So am I to gather that “we” are ready to move the term metrosexual away from the original coinage tied heavily to consumerism and narcissism and towards a “loosening” of male self-expression?
I’m all for the evolution of descriptors as long as there is also a similar movement of common understanding and usage.
Are you authorizing this change -:)
I don’t have the authority to authorise any changes. We have to consult the boss.
I think it is time to move away from the metrosexual term. It has served its purpose, I think but has evolved into something more than just hygiene and knowledge of popular culture and fashion.
This is what I propose (and threw out on twitter earlier today after reading, and responding to this article).
Evolinity – def. evolved masculinity identified in men morphing out of metrosexuality into being enlightened. Now defined by actions not vanity.
Thoughts?
I think ‘evolinity’ has a great ring to it.
But I am not the best person to ask about changing from the use of ‘metrosexual’ as I am very attached to the old dear. But if anyone else decides on change I’d have to accept it!
I like ‘evolinity.’ The term ‘metrosexual’ has enough history attached to it that anyone can give a similar, narrow definition. ‘Evolinity’ sounds like it reflects the changes in many men’s experiences without the particular connotation and appearance associated with ‘metrosexual.’
Looking and feeling your best should never be ridiculed as long as men never lose the natural masculine instincts that they need to be confident and manly in the first place. Being in shape, having a ripped body, dressing well and being aware of your overall appearance are actually very masculine traits. Would people rather all men just wear sweatpants, not shave and have messy hair?
Hooray hooray, yet another vision of maleness I can’t possibly live up to.
What about us guys that aren’t alphas, aren’t metro, aren’t anything in particular, and are just trying to live a valuable life but are failing in the eyes society because we’re not this or that?
Who is to say that any one is better than the other. All Evolinity means is a man who is trying to live an evolved masculinity. Trying to make himself become the best person he can be.
Each person is on his or her own personal journey through life. If you are content with where you are, and who you are, and the life you have created for yourself than be secure in that knowledge, and be content.
In regards to societies perception of you. Why would you care? Is our society in its current state one to be admire or highly regarded? I don’t think so. If people like the Kardashian’s who are not self aware, but in fact are self absorbed are financially secure and millionaires, and other people who are on a true spiritual journey like my friend Atalwin (www.basicgoodness.com) are not, it shows me that our society is way out of alignment with what matters in the world.
To me the only thing that matters is letting go of the dysfunction in your life, and trying your hardest to make yourself the best person you can be. If you are already there then you are no doubt content with your place and would care little anyway.
Its not about everybody else, or their perceptions. It is about you and your perception of yourself.
If you would like to write about that, we would love to hear your point of view Bob-O. Write a post that explains how you are “just trying to live a valuable life but are failing in the eyes society because we’re not this or that?” That would be great. You can email me at lisa at goodmenproject dot com if interested.
@Bob-O …. you said it buddy. There sure as hell a lot of us “guys” that don’t fit these visions of manliness. I’m just a guy trying to make it in life, what ever “make it” means. Living on a wing and a prayer. I like your “this or that” because it’s all I seem to hear these days. It’s cool to be the regular blue collar guy … NO, can’t do that because (fill in the blank). Great, I’ll be the sensative guy? NO, can’t do that because (fill in the blank). Hey, I’m a conservative? NO, can’t be that because (fill in the blank). What’s with people these days that feel the need to analyze every feeling, every emotion, everywhere we turn? Bob-O, we need to hear from you, your perspective … I think it would hit a chord with a lot of us “guys.”
As we mature and become adults one of the great benefits is supposed to be a gained sense of self awareness, confidence, etc.. I turned myself into the man that I wanted to be, without any thought of how other’s would view it. I wanted to become someone reliable, trustworthy, helpful, and an asset to the world. I did so without regard to what others thought.
As for analyzing every feeling and emotion. I agree it can be a bit much, but it is helping us to evolve as a species. For most of the recorded history people did not do this, and times were pretty rough, for a LONG time. Most men were not involved with raising childrens, generations have been born with issues as a result of their upbringing and unmet emotional needs.
I look at the image of the smiling gentlemen up top and I think to myself Yuck! How much work did that dude put in so that he could look like a VH1 reality T.V show contestant. If a dude wants to be commercially attractive, that’s fine but I can’t help but to think that his personality suffers from that commercialization as well.
I do like Mark Simpson as a writer, but I do fear that some miss the deep levels of Irony that he heaps on his subject. In so many ways Meterosexual is just a marketing label for a demographic – but that demographic is nothing new.
I love the implied idea that male fashion suddenly arrived in the 1990′s – and prior to that it was just “Fashion Victims” and designers did not exist – Being Buff and muscular did not exist along with gyms in the 1970′s, and yet I was there because I had to for my work! Of Course, Gym culture altered with the arrival of sleek and stylish work out machines, and you needed a whole aircraft hanger to house one workout.
Bigger is always Better from the marketing perspective and as Eye Candy for the consumer… and the Gym fashion boom with Lycra naturally followed. Gym membership was £1.00 per week – and then suddenly it cost more than that to buy a bottle of designer water to put in the newly arrive cup holder on the new super sleek running machines. People used to run to and from the gym – then it was fashion to arrive cooly in designer gear and pay hundreds of pounds per year for the privilege of running on the spot with designer water on tap – and large screen TV’s just in case you were bored.
I even remember the Saturday Trick 70′s/80′s of getting ready to go out for the night by 4.00 pm, heading to the local Department Store and using the Free Samples of gents scents to get nice and smelly for the night ahead – and that was a trick I learned from straight men! P^)
I do remember the days when it was impossible to get hold of a pot of Body Shop Adzuki Bean Facial Scrub as it always sold out so fast, along with the grape seed facial toner – two grooming products aimed at men from the Dawn of the Body Shop – back in the 1970′s. The 70′s and 80′s high street fights over fashion and grooming were legion – and not a street cafe, posing bar or male grooming magazine in sight!
Of course it all took off in the 1980′s along with the new Church of Consumerism coupled with nice glossy Life Style Images – and I still curse the day That Hugo Boss went from back street unknown to Mainstream Dream. It was odd how such nice suites went from £100 to £2000 over night. The Poverty struck caught on quick and discovered Hugo’s less well known labels from continental Europe, which meant the same style at high street prices and a sub culture of “look” over “label”.
There are so many ongoing shifts in society – and as with all such shifts you will have extremes – the Botox Beauty Boys who love the facial flatness the hides the panic within. Tanning was all and then it was skin cancer – so now it’s bronzer and fake spray on tan, and even the Metrosexual holiday has shifted from Tropical and sun drenched beaches to the colder climes of Northern Europe in mid winter…. and it plays hell with the skin and boosts sales of Neutragena, which was of course first developed for the chapped hands of Icelandic Fishermen who had no time to worry about hair products.
I also find it odd that metrosexuality is inked to gay men so often. Maybe it’s just me, but I do remember the days when a Gay Nightclub was most likely to be in the most run down area of town – have the worst light show and lots of disco with frequent outbursts of ABBA. On the other hand, Straight Night Clubs were in the most expensive locations, came with Lighting that made Close Encounters of The Third Kind look visually tame – and it cost an arm, leg and at least one kidney to get into the place and buy a single drink. Of course in the gay clubs it was easier to get laid, no matter what you were wearing and how you smelled. IN the straight clubs it was a Fashion Show with all the boys in their latest fashion acquisition and scent stolen from the free samples at 4.00 pm. … and it was all undone when the boys did that Saturday Night Fever dance pose.
I also remember when people did not have gap years – they had adventures – they set off alone to see the world and discovered new things. One friend who did it in 79 found how men and women in certain countries used such things as cocoa butter – a local natural product – to protect skin….. and it felt so yummy! He was happy to hunt it down in the UK and use it when he returned. Then suddenly with the advent of The Gap Year and hordes of late teen gangs roving the globe in hormonal hedonism, cocoa butter was re-framed as Sensual – mainly due to hormones and the levels of sexual experimentation on that multi-stop round the globe air ticket. Sensual was the new sex and cocoa butter part of foreplay.
Now where did metrosexuality come from, and who was it heading the dash to get the latest Manscara? And I do remember the first time I came across Manscara – a straight mate using clear mascara to make his already prominent eye lashes even bigger. The ladies always commented that he had lovely eyes and long lashes, so he just accentuated his assets and his opportunities to get laid – and it worked too – in 1970′s !
I do love Mark Simpson’s Irony, especial that he has opted out of Metro and retired to the country and spends so much time with Farmers, in local pubs and watching the invasion of Metrosexuality – but then again, if you have lived in the country, you do know that is where the money is and always has been and the Urban dash for sensual and style is an export that has come home to roost. P^)
Great comment you should do a guest post on that Media Hound.
Yes Simpson is ironic but I don’t think he left London to get away from metrosexuality – he knew hed never escape that. I think he left to get away from the gays!
I do find that odd “I think he left to get away from the gays!”?
I think It may have had more to do with Farmers and their ways in the hay loft!
I do know as an Urbane Queer, who lives in less than Urban and Metro surroundings, when it comes to the glossy lads mags, the longest running and most widely read is “Country Life” – launched in 1897. All that rough and tumble in the country, weekends away and country fashions. Countryside Porn has been about for a lot longer than people think! 8^)))
Ha I like the idea of Countryside Porn. Maybe that is why Simpson left the city. But if his accounts are to be believed the country has become much like the city in terms of how young men present themselves, in England anyway
Well Simpson did object to “hummersexuals” – but then again who wouldn’t.
Driving a four wheel drive off road vehicle in the back streets of Chelsea (AKA Chelsea Tractors, driven by Yummy Mummies who wear Christian Louboutin’s to garden(sic) in) so that you can drive 500 yards to take your precious brats to a public school – and making sure the brats don’t get their Donna Karan Children’s wear wet – well it’s enough to attract the greatest of Ironic comment.
It’s always been funny to see The Country Porn go Urban – whether that is the latest Land Rover, Range Rover Evoque SUV – Hunter Original Green Wellies – Various country wear items and Shooting and Riding Jackets by Deerhunter, Hoggs of Fife, Jack Pyke and Le Chameau – and even the arrival of Pleached Lime Trees and Hornbeams on every patio from Buckingham Palace to Brixton and Brent Park – as well as every square inch on Kitchen window sill being used to create a Herb Garden that would normally cover 2 acres of land…. Oh and the Hunt for Organic Salt Marsh Spring lamb Hocks for the latest Dinner party…. In November!
…. and those examples are just the people I count as Friends!
Of course, those addicted to Country Porn never make it beyond the M25 Motorway that encircles London – a bit like a Manhattan Metrosexual never getting past Hoboken – so I see Simpson’s move as seeking something more authentic, rustic and real – where even driving a Hummer down ever so narrow country lanes, and even off road to get to remote places, is seen as normal and everyday – and you also have lots of room on the back for real sex and not just the porn! P^)
Believe me – the sensuality that comes from wide open spaces and the scents of nature beats the hell out of a cramped apartment and a room deodoriser – any day – no matter how much hair product or back waxing you have invested in!
Very informative MH
A friend and I downloaded the film Saturday Night Fever a few weeks back – I’ve seen it before, but never while going through a bottle of red wine – a vulnerable and touching precursor of Jersey Shore set in a working class disco, depicting the banality of life mediated by glamor, music, fashion, dance and sexless sex. Beautiful.
Tony: Are you a nice girl or a cunt?
Annette: Can I be both?
Tony: No. It’s a decision a girl’s gotta make early in life, if she’s gonna be a nice girl or a cunt.
And one of my favorite scenes, as Tony finishes masturbating in his room while dressing for the night, then comes down to dinner with his unemployed father, and takes an extra pork chop from the plate:
Tony: Would you just watch the hair? Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair.
I love Saturday Night Fever.
It is definitely on the way to metrosexuality!
A most enjoyable romp of a read MH
“By embracing previously considered feminine attributes such as following fashion, using moisturiser and even wearing make-up, men are freeing themselves up to express themselves through their bodies and clothes.”
Doesn’t sound like freedom to me. Does the term ‘fashion victim’ take on a general meaning here?
It isn’t freedom. Its just competition and status seeking. I would rather have modesty on the part of both women and men. The Amish solution.
@Jay … yup, women are moving or at least trying to move away from the shackles of main stream media and accordingly, men are prime targets. You’ll be happy if you look like this, wear these clothes … blah blah blah. The sad part is that some men, mostly young, are falling for it. Can we say “sucker?”
“Metrosexual men are actually much more independent, much more self-confident, and much more self-sufficient than previous generations were, and they scrub up well too! What’s not to like?”
I think that depends on the individual man. I know some non-metrosexual mountain men types of guys who are very self-confident, highly self-sufficient, and self-aware. They bathe when they can.
“Metrosexual men are actually much more independent, much more self-confident, and much more self-sufficient than previous generations were, and they scrub up well too! What’s not to like?”
Again, paint guys into a box. So I guess what you’re saying is that non-metrosexual guys are slugs. You’ve eliminated lots of men, hard working successful men who don’t fit that picture. Not sure but I don’t really see Bill Gates as a “metrosexual” do you?