Rachel Thompson offers much-needed advice for writers.
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‘How do you share intensely personal stories without worrying about what people will think?’ someone asked me in the comments of the article I wrote recently for SheWrites. I get asked this a lot, and I think it’s jumping ahead a step.
Back up to first getting there: you have to give yourself permission to write the hard stuff. You can’t think about, ‘What will mama say?’ because last I checked, none of us wants to become our mothers (no offense to moms). Write for you, not what someone else will say. You need to give yourself some tough love!
You are allowed to tell your story, unless for some reason, you’ve been ordered by a court of law not to, or if you fear for your life. Even then, I believe it’s okay to fictionalize your story, or take a pen name, but I’m not in that situation so I can’t share that particular experience. If sharing your story will put your life or someone else’s at risk, definitely weigh your options and consider a pseudonym.
Let’s deconstruct.
Permission
One hurdle many authors have to get over is worrying about what their family will think. Every family is quite different, but most are so busy with daily life, the fact that there’s a writer in the family means little. I always laugh when I read reviews that say ‘the author must have gotten her family members to write glowing reviews,’ because — as most authors will attest — our families could give a flying sack of rat crap about what we do or don’t do. Few read our work. Even fewer review it. Mostly, they just want to know: are you on the New York Times Bestseller list yet? (No.) So, how about them Yankees? (*crickets*)….
One hurdle many authors have to get over is worrying about what their family will think.
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Writing a book (or a blog or articles) is very lonely, individual work, which is why most writers love it so much, given our introverted nature (for some, not all, obviously). The positive aspect of this is that there’s nobody standing over our shoulder saying, ‘Oh my god! You can’t write THAT!!!’ Right? So get over yourself. Write anything you want. Fiction, nonfiction, whatever it is — get out of your own way.
In fact, try just for fun, to write the exact opposite of who you are. I have one client who’s an Ivy League MBA in a large accounting firm who writes erotica under a pen name and he’s doing very well.
Books
As I discovered through my own process of writing about difficult topics in Broken Pieces and Broken Places, it’s hard to let all that crap go. What will so and so say/think/feel? But you know what? It’s our story to tell, nobody else’s. I decided to share stories of my childhood sexual abuse in a way that isn’t a trigger (I hope) for other survivors, but that makes people uncomfortable, because there’s no way to sugarcoat the subject. And I didn’t want to.
If my book isn’t for you, don’t read it. I give plenty of warning that it’s not unicorns and rainbows. You owe it to yourself to write your story. Nobody else. YOU.
You owe it to yourself to write your story. Nobody else. YOU.
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Once you’ve written your ‘word vomit’ as I refer to it, get it in good enough shape to work with a professional editor. Nobody — no author, no matter how good you think you are — is ready to release a book without a full edit by a pro.
Articles/Excerpts
Leading up to the publication of your book, I suggest you reach out to readers (always, every day, constantly), reviewers, book bloggers, and other writers or publications who are interested in reading about the topic you are writing about. I do many guest posts and interviews, because I reach out to people and connect with them. I feature many authors here on this blog who share incredibly stirring stories of real life. That’s what fascinates me, and it gives them a chance to discuss difficult topics they may not be able to write about on their own blogs.
As for my business side, I draw from my eighteen-plus years of sales and marketing, plus all I’ve learned since I began writing professionally in 2007, and put that into articles that can hopefully help others or answer some questions, as well as drawing on experts.
Bottom line: you want people to read your work, so stop hiding from yourself. Once you clear that hurdle, write your damn book already.
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This post originally appeared on Rachel Thompson’s blog.
Photo: Flickr/Frontierofficial
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Hi Rachel, thank you for getting me thinking about this again. My issue is not so much about getting sued, but more about causing my son undue discomfort and/or pain. He does read my stuff. He is one of my biggest fans, but there are things he just doesn’t know and I don’t really want him to know them. What’s the point? (Anyone else in the family … you’re right, they don’t read my stuff anyway.) So I continue to mull this one over. Maybe I’ll do as you suggest and just write the word vomit, and worry about the… Read more »
You’ve given me something to think about, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot here lately. I have already published two of the three books of a trilogy and watered them down because I didn’t want to get sued. Now I realize I have done myself a disservice, and I am thinking seriously about rewriting them and adding details that I left out.
I’m glad, Michele. It takes awhile to give ourselves permission to truly share those dark places and not water them down. As Barbara mentioned above, if lawsuits are a concern, definitely talk to a lawyer. I’ve found that, in my own work and the work of the authors I direct in the Gravity Imprint of Booktrope, this has not been an issue (though of course, you have to weigh that for yourself). Hiding behind fear of the ‘what-if’ really holds us back. Here’s what I coach authors: write as if nobody will ever read it. Free yourself completely. GO THERE.… Read more »
I’m fictionalizing my book because I figure one of the relatives might decide to sue me. I’ve shared a lot of the stories on my blog, over the years, but I know none of them would read a blog. Most don’t read at all. This is great advice. I finally regurgitated the book over NaNoWriMo and it felt good. I’m taking a break and digging into the 2nd version in January. Then pro editing.
Glad I found you here. I’m going to check out your blog now.
b
Hi Barbara!
As long as what you are speaking is the truth, you have every right to tell your story. If lawsuits are a concern, definitely consult with a lawyer — legal advice is always helpful, of course. Ultimately, though, as survivors of a crime, we did nothing wrong. It’s not our job to protect criminals, or worry about what family will think because our truth is out in the open. That’s really not our issue — it’s theirs.
Good luck, and thank you again for reading and commenting.