When it comes to combining comedy and the diversity of masculinity, Maria Pawlowska writes, not many do it better than Marshall, Ted, and Barney.
Your friends know better—they really do (at least most of the time). In 2009, for about a year or two a bunch of my closest friends had been telling me for quite a while that it’s time I took up “How I Met Your Mother” (affectionately, and oh so pronounceably accronymed to HIMYM). They kept saying it’s like “Friends,” but just a lot funnier. I, well, plain ignored then. Until, that is, I was visiting my sister in Paris one time, and she decided enough is enough and talked us into seeing “one episode.” Literally (I’m somewhat ashamed to admit in public) 7 hours later it was 3 am, we had watched a full season and my husband and I decided we should finally call it a night if we wanted to see any of the Louvre the next day. Since then Barney Stinson, Marshall Erickson and Ted Mosby are like personal friends of mine. (Again, something I probably should not be admitting to so readily in public….) They are also three very different examples of how men are now portrayed in the mass media and popular TV shows.
Of course, there’s Barney Stinson, played by the utterly amazing Neil Patrick Harris. What I’m about to say is probably verging on the politically incorrect, but I have a sneaky suspicion that Barney Stinson gets to be as outrageous as he is because NPH is openly homosexual (Harris’ husband played a minor recurring character in the series). Moreover, he has made quite a point of talking about it in public (in e.g. a great appearance on the Ellen Degeneres show) and has no qualms about being autoironic when performing at large awards ceremonies. At the end of the day, whether my suspicion is correct or not doesn’t really matter. Barney Stinson makes this show —an expert panel of my friends and I are convinced that there’s no way it would be half as funny without him. And frankly that’s quite a statement from a card-carrying feminist like myself because Barney is, for want of a better set of words, a mildly misogynistic, objectifying, sex-obsessed chauvinist. He’s got a famous “Playbook” of lies he tells women to get them to sleep with him, he’s terrified of commitment, hates having to call girls back and about 70% of the words he utters have something to do with a female body part and describe a sexual act he would like to have with the owner of said body part. Sure, he’s had a relationship or two and we’re increasingly being led to believe that he’s simply got a ton of abandonment issues because of growing up without his Dad and that he’s actually deeply in love with Robin. But for now, he’s continuing with his outrageous sexploiting antiques and making fun of Ted (his best friend) and Marshall (nearly his best friend) who both either want, or are in, a committed relationship.
Ah, yes – Marshall Eriksen – the opposite of Barney and the ultimate domesticated boyfriend/husband. He’s been with the same girl since the first year of college, loves her dearly, took her back when she dumped him and has no problems whatsoever with being called “Marshmallow” in public. He’s all about talking about feelings and commitment and most of the time he’s actually pretty sweet. I feel the screenwriters tried to write a character who would be the complete opposite of Barney – also physically. NPH is slim and blond while Jason Segel is a tall brunet with a—ahem—heavier frame. Importantly—he’s actually likable. You don’t feel sorry for him. Lily—his girlfriend and later wife—knows what she wants, has a job and doesn’t smile and nod to everything her husband says. But she’s not a nagging wife. She’s a partner in their pretty nearly equal partnership. The actors do a real good job of portraying the couple as best friends with a lot of respect and sexual attraction for one another. You laugh the hardest at Barney’s (mis)adventures but Lily and Marshall make you feel all nice and fuzzy inside without being too sweet to stomach.
And finally, there’s Ted Mosby—the narrator and, pardon the harshness, possibly the most bland character on the show. He’s supposed to be (I think) a “regular guy.” He’s a young professional looking for a committed relationship who keeps on dating girls who aren’t quite right and if they’re right they run off to Germany for baking scholarships. (Who knew these existed?) He’s got his slut-shaming moments (to paraphrase: if she sleeps with you on the first date she’s a slut and you don’t want her for the mother of your children) but on the whole, he’s trying to be respectful, romantic, friendly and not too patronizing. He’s friendly with his live-in ex and a good guy on the whole. But I find myself empathizing with Barney more than I’d possibly like to admit, when Ted mentions his quest for the love of his life every time they sit at the bar. If he were a 35-year old woman with the same attitude, he’d be called ‘desperate’. With Ted being a man, I think we’re supposed to interpret him as ‘romantic’ instead.
When I think of Barney, Marshall and Ted it’s like the screenwriters wanted to cover all their ‘manly’ bases (within the range of ‘normal’, so minus the serial killers). There’s the full spectrum from the playboy to the politely prowling bachelor to the happily married husband. Perhaps it’s schematic, but it really works. The audience usually at least chuckles, even without a cue from the playback laughter. The show won five Emmys and CBS is currently screening the seventh season, so the producers obviously aren’t complaining, either. It’s funny, smart and a place on TV where men and women, on the whole are pretty good at being respectful and egalitarian. (And NPH is just incredibly awesome.) The worst sexism on the show is so bad you can’t take it seriously and you’re left laughing at Barney and being happy for Lily, Marshall and their baby. It’s pretty much a win-win in terms of combining comedy and an interesting portrayal of masculinity on television.
—Photo via hotpotofcoffee.tumblr.com
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Julie, Wow! I’ll answer your questions later but right now I need to say that you have run off connecting dots way out of sequence. Let’s stick to the core of the thread for the time being. OK? This discussion’s focus is labels and their political use. There are two types of labels… complimentary (“good girl”, “adorable husband”, “ally” and such) and then there are critical ones (“slut”,“whipped”, “enemy” etc). More often than not we recognize when the latter are used to control behavior, but then overlook the abundance with which the former are ALSO used to control behavior. What… Read more »
You mean the “backhanded shaming” you just engaged in with me by engaging in a conversation with another poster about me by saying, “the difference between us though, is that she *refuses* to see/acknowledge her part, whereas I don’t.” Is that the kind of backhanded shaming you are talking about? Because I thought we were having a discussion as two adults with different opinions. And I actually sincerely asked you what women should instead be saying if the things that we are saying are shaming to our partners. You never responded other then to tell me to “think about it”.… Read more »
Erin, It’s really simple. Bad label AND labels are both a form of social control! So when you wrote men harm by calling each other “whipped”, I simply pointed out the fact that this labeling is no different than women calling men “loving husbands” as you yourself did. That’s the big picture. Onto the minutiae 1. My shaming of you was direct, not backhanded. Do you not understand the concept? Backhanded shaming is label as complement. I wasn’t complimenting you. 2. You didn’t use adorable specifically for Marshal. So what! You still used the control label… “loving husband”. As well… Read more »
My main problem with the show is that the 3 chosen masculine “types” aren’t written as very masculine.
The “husband” is soft and whipped down to the nickname.
The “bachelor” is an artsy, wussy, “nice guy” that teaches architecture.
The “stud” is way too metro-sexual and sensitive…almost closeted.
What makes a man “whipped” I Don’t believe you?
I also would never describe Barney as “sensitive”. He regularly uses women.
When your GF (of 9 years?) runs off to San Francisco (from New York)… to practice art.. and then you (Marshall) take her back = whipped.
Also I am not using “sensitive” the gynocentric, political term i.e. “how much a man is interested in pleasing women”. I am using the the dictionary definition meaning “someone that is very easily emotionally hurt/damaged/affected. For instance an employee that cries a bunch at work is “sensitive”.
Barney is sensitive… especially for a “stud”.
See, I actually think men are doing more damange to each other when they call each other “whipped” for making their own choices. Now maybe it’s not the choice you would have made and that’s okay. People make different choices for different reasons. There is nothing wrong with not taking someone back that left you. But why is there something wrong with taking someone back that left you? Certainly there will be a grace period where trust needs tobe rebuilt. But sometimes people just make mistakes and you can either give them a chance orn ot. But when men try… Read more »
Well I actually think women are doing more damange to men when they call us “adorably romantic” “loving husband” or “amusing womanizer” for making our own choices. Does it ever cross your mind that “backhanded shaming”may be more common/insidious/critical than the in your face kind? Buried inside the meaning of “whipped” is the ironic truth staring right at you, but you keep missing it. Sigh. RE: Barney’s sensitivity NPH is hilarious, but the character is played as very emotionally reactive. Note how many times he storms out of a room for instance. Once he even screamed when he had a… Read more »
How would you prefer women describe the men in their lives? Why is “adorably romantic” or “loving husband” a negative? I truly don’t understand. Why does a man have to be “whipped” if he treats his woman right or meets her needs? Should we instead want our men to smack us around and call us names? Is that what doesn’t make a man “whipped”?
I’m sure you can answer your own question if you put some thought into it. In what ways is the term “good girl” negative? Understand now?
I don’t. If a husband called his wife “adorably romantic” or a “loving wife” I don’t see how those would be insults. “good girl” seems more akin to “whipped” I suppose, if you are defining both as people who don’t place their sexual desires first, or who repress sexual activity due to outside influence. Whipped usually refers to someone, generally a man, being completely controlled by their partner, though I suspect women can be whipped, and there are probably LGBT versions of it. But adorably romantic or loving as applied to either gender isn’t negative. What am I missing here?… Read more »
Julie/Erin, My grandmother has this saying… “Sugar works better than vinegar.” The contemporary English translation is “approval is more effective than disdain in manipulating people into behaving as you want. Now whether approval is TRULY more effective than disdain is not the takeaway. The takeaway is that compliments/ sugar coating are STILL a form of psychological manipulation. “Adoring husband” is a stamp of approval on the actions on Marshall… just as “whipped” is a stamp of disapproval on the actions of Marshall. Both stamps are form of administering control. “Do this and you’ll please me” /”do this and you’ll displease… Read more »
You seem to see things through that frame, that’s evident. Do you think everything, every interaction is a psychological manipulation? How does one compliment a spouse, praise them for being amazing, without it being manipulation? Is it possible in your view? If not, then are relationships of any kind valuable to you? Or are they all transactional based on which manipulation/reward is the least controlling/greatest win? I don’t doubt that words have power, not at all. And I don’t doubt that there are manipulative people out there. Its just not evident to me that when people love each other (and… Read more »
“I’m sure you can answer your own question if you put some thought into it. In what ways is the term “good girl” negative? Understand now?” Excuse me but I have put a lot of thought into everything I comment on. And I find it to be a manipulation your part to avoid my direct and sincere questions and to instead give me an purposely evasive response such as the one above. I will ask you again, if it is manipulative for a woman to compliment her own husband or boyfriend, then how should we instead be describing our partners?… Read more »
By the way, wouldn’t telling a woman “good girl” be the same as telling a man “good boy”. I have never said “good boy” to a man. It certianly isn’t the same as calling them “romantic” or “adorable”.
I couldn’t watch the show because of Ted. He’s incredibly pathetic, whiny and most guys I know would never hang out with a guy who constantly bitched and moaned about not finding “the one.” Marshall is pretty great though.
I use to enjoy this show but for the past few seasons alot of the dialogue has resorted to calling women “dumb bitches/sluts/whores” repeatidly and portraying a good majority of the women on there as Bimbos. At some point, it seems like 12 year old boys with no respect for women had taken over the writing. Ted use to be adorably romantic, Barney was amusingly a womanizer, and Marshall the loving husband. But at some point, it all got a bit too extreme. Where ven Ted was calling women four letter names. The female characters are written out more like… Read more »
It’s not the full range of masculinity if it doesnt include a homo/bisexual man. I think, though, that Barney (and I know the actor is gay) plays his character very ‘gay’. A lot of his bravado over how many women he gets, seems to be covering up for something, is all I’m saying.
…uhm…ya know there’s like, this broadway play where like….Neil Patrick Harris and…like, Josh Radnor (Ted Mosby) like totttally make out with each other….and some junk….Like before HIMYM got picked up by CBS…and uhm I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with that…or somejunk…But my money is still on Barny being Teb’s mystery Wife…