Christian Clifton finds some great lessons in Jeff, Who Lives at Home. All it took was being willing to watch it more than once.
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There are a lot of movies today that want to attach themselves to one story, and thereby, one message. Sometimes this leads to some two dimensional characters and a plot that is transparent, ultimately in an attempt to focus so much on a single place the whole experience is undone. Jeff, Who Lives at Home avoids this and includes some cool intersecting stories with some very different lessons to take home while not accidentally including too much or a confusing story.
I was thoroughly surprised at the extra things I found in watching this movie again recently. I had first seen it about a year ago and sat down to view it again earlier this week. I usually have a pretty good memory of movies, but this just proved to me that repeat viewings of good movies is a must to find all the bits of truth they hold.
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This movie follows Jeff, played by Jason Segal, who appears to be nothing more than a lazy 30 something stoner still living with his mother. He firmly believes that there is a destiny that awaits him, and that everything between now and then are somehow connected. His mother Sharon, played by Susan Sarandon, is getting fed up with his lackadaisical lifestyle. By following what he sees as clues towards his destiny, Jeff runs across his brother Pat, played by Ed Helms, who is dealing with a failing marriage.
The duo continue on chasing after Pat’s wife, Linda, who is about to have an affair, all the while Jeff using his sense of destiny as a guide. After an encounter with his wife Pat is able to truly admit what needs to be said concerning his broken relationship and Jeff urges him to pursue Linda. On the way their cab is caught in traffic along a bridge which causes Pat to exit the vehicle and eventually find Linda, Jeff follows his gut and also begins running towards the cause of the traffic.
It can take weeks, if not months or years, for the meaning of our lives to fully come into view; we just have to keep chasing after our destinies if we want to find them.
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At the same time all this is happening there is another story going on that shows Sharon interacting with a secret admirer at work. At first she is cautious, thinking it is just a prank, she is a little flustered in finding out that the admirer is her female coworker. Sharon finds herself willing to run away with her co worker after realizing that love is not just about sexual attraction but about desire and being desired back. As the two women are leaving work they find themselves stuck in the same traffic as Pat and Jeff.
The traffic jam was caused by an accident that lead a vehicle to fall into the water below the bridge, Jeff immediately jumps in and saves a small family from their sinking car. Pat and Linda embrace each other once Jeff is safe, Sharon is tearful at her sons being ok, and Jeff having finally found what he was looking for is able to finally move on with the little things in life. Jeff had no idea what he was looking for, but his search led him to it none the less.
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I believe that there is some underlying connection between most things in the world, something spiritual or philosophical that can manifest physically in those “right time, right place” moments. It’s not something that can necessarily be proved out right, but I really doubt I am alone in feeling this way about our world. This belief is a big part of why I connected so well with the movie Jeff, Who Lives at Home.
My life has not been perfect but there are things that have happened to me that have allowed me to help others in some unexpected ways. The knowledge I have gained through heartbreak and broken bones has had use not just for me but also in the lives of others. Whether it allowed me to share some answers or even just an empathetic ear, my pain has had a purpose. This happens with enough regularity to strengthen my faith in the meaning of it all.
I would love to have the same kind of instant gratification of my desire for destiny as Jeff finds in saving a life. I don’t wish someone to be hurt just for my sake, but it’s not always easy to see the results of being in the right place at the right time. We all enjoy immediate answers or proof of our beliefs but most of the time this isn’t how the universe works. It can take weeks, if not months or years, for the meaning of our lives to fully come into view; we just have to keep chasing after our destinies if we want to find them.
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My marriage is young, and so I usually take any advice I can on making it one that will last. I was very surprised to find some powerful words hidden away in this movie that on the surface was more about believing in destiny.
In a scene right after he fights with his wife, Pat admits that all he wants is for him and Linda to be in love again. Jeff realizes how meaningful this is and that’s why he pushed Pat to tell these exact words to Linda. It might seem a simple idea but that right there might be enough to power a marriage through tough times or even fix one in tatters.
Love has to be intentional thoughts and purposeful actions, and it is this quality that allows it to change to fill the gaps in our lives instead of a feeling that can dissipate and leave holes.
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I love my wife with everything I have, but love doesn’t mean having happy feelings or thoughts, it is a decision and requites daily practice. I was never able to verbalize it before but I totally am stealing Pat’s sentiment from the movie. I want to be in love with my wife and am willing to fight for it. I know we will face hardships over the years, but I never want those to be caused by my lack of desire to love my wife.
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The story of Sharon and her co worker is one that really reminded me that love doesn’t always look the way I think it will. Throughout the seasons of my life the love that I need will change because I will change. This is also true for my wife and everyone else in my life.
We love to try and fit love into a box; labeling our love languages, through holidays, and by defining it through various actions or feelings. Love encompasses some of those things but it is so much more than that. While we all deserve it, one of the things that can prevent us from finding it is our own false perceptions on what it would mean to be loved. Depending on the season the love I need and want might come from any number of people and in an infinite number of forms.
I, like much of our culture, tend to treat love as the over romanticized thing it has become in commercials and greeting cards. That isn’t what love is though because love has to be so much more than a feeling for it to have a life changing impact. Love has to be intentional thoughts and purposeful actions, and it is this quality that allows it to change to fill the gaps in our lives instead of a feeling that can dissipate and leave holes.
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Like I said, I was thoroughly surprised to find so much good stuff in a single movie. I love a good story, especially one that I can connect so well with. I’m really glad I gave Jeff, Who Lives at Home another watch because it left me with a lot to chew on.
–Photo: Trailer