“Yes. I’m saying that I think the dog was harmless because he was wearing a bandana.” “Rambo wore a bandana, you know,” said Caroline. “Exactly. And Rambo was a good guy.”
27 Things I’ve Learned as a Father of Triplets
1. Along with sporting events and campfires, babies are the biggest reason why the hot dog industry is still alive and kicking.
Solitude: The Trail
The Appalachian Trail is the ultimate test: endurance, perseverance, and surrendering control. And outrun a bear.
Aggressive Nesting, Conservative Mounting
Four years after moving into their house, the Osbornes are finally unpacking. That’s when things start to get complicated.
What Your Father’s Day Gift Says About You
That new pair of socks might not be as innocent as it seems.
My Attempt at Laundry? More Like the Dense Cycle.
John Cave Osborne finds that when it comes to laundry, it’s best to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.
Bird Sh-t, Locker Nazis, and Epic Sweating
A day like this calls for a hazmat crew.
Why Can’t I Wait to Go Camping? Hint: Cake-in-an-Orange on the Campfire
Show Me Now is bound to entertain and will most definitely not disappoint, assuming you’re not counting on it to turn you into MacGyver.
The Very Most Holy of Sh*ts
Large coffee with cream and sugar, a bagful of glazed donut holes, and … a fifth child.
Monster’s Scared
Last night, the noise emanating from the baby monitor sounded different from all the others we had heard in the past.
Dear Elmo, I Hate Your F#$%ing Guts
Hey, Elmo. Fran Dresher’s calling. Her laugh thinks you’re annoying and wants you to stop.
Spittin’ Image
Disregard the fact that I don’t have a crew cut, and that my real hair is not six inches off my ears. Focus instead at the very, very top of my hair.
Pre-School Campout
I would spend a cold February night camping out in a church parking lot in hopes of getting my kids into a highly coveted preschool.
Floaters!
For John Cave Osborne, father of triplets, bathtime is an adventure.
The Trail
The Appalachian Trail is the ultimate test: endurance, perseverance, and surrendering control. For John Cave Osborne, nothing illustrates this better than having to run from a hungry bear.
I Let My Daughter Listen to Snoop
John Cave Osborne wonders if censoring his daughter’s access to pop music is the right thing to do.