Video: What if Guys and Girls Switched Roles at the Bar?

This short takes every stereotype about how men and women act in bars and clubs and turns them upside down.

Men order Raspberry Kamikazes, women grab men’s butts and get slapped, men are closed-off and rude to the women who try to talk to them, women intrude upon private conversations, a guy does a walk of shame…

…And that one friend—regardless of gender—who is always more worried about the fact that Taco Bell is closing than about hooking up.

There are a lot of interesting things that happen when a well-made parody of real life gender roles is created. There’s something to seeing the opposite sex doing something we take for granted. It all seems so much more rude, more intrusive, more exclusive, more violent, sillier or more intimidating.

If you’ve ever done these things in a bar—I know I have—does this make you rethink the way you might relate to people the next time you go out?

Are these stereotypes exaggerations, or pretty accurate? What did they miss?

Is there a way to make our interactions with one another more effective, less offensive, and more honest?

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About Joanna Schroeder

Joanna Schroeder is the type of working mom who opens her car door and junk spills out all over the ground. She serves as Executive Editor of The Good Men Project and is a freelance writer whose work has appeared on sites like xoJane, hlntv.com, and The Huffington Post. Joanna loves playing with her sons, skateboarding with her husband, and hanging out with friends. Her dream is to someday finish her almost-done novel and get some sleep. Follow her shenanigans on Twitter.

Comments

  1. Jean Brandt says:

    I’m not much of a clubber, though I’ve done my share. It is a funny premise, and maybe more people should try it just to see what happens. As far as this video; the women eye-raping the guys, this happens normally, girls just do it a lot more subtly than guys do in reverse. I often find it hard to understand what the attraction is for people to the bar scene. Social interaction, I know, but it seems like there are way too many rules, and not really much room for personal feelings. Sometimes at the end of the night a bedmate is acquired, but that sometimes seems no more special than having a bowl of ice cream; an enjoyable but momentary thing. But then I’m an alien so its no surprise this stuff is all so foreign to me.

  2. Mr Supertypo says:

    *lol* welcome to skandinavia :-D

  3. I’ve seen these stereotypes play out in bars, but not everyone is a bar fly. I’m not – and most of the people I know are not. I do sometimes wonder if the stereotypes being portrayed are as current and common as some people think.

    I do like seeing stereotypes given to wild kittens and ripped apart with claws – Tiger, Lion, Puma, Scottish Wild Cat, Iberian Lynx – it’s the playing and claws that count. But, what about what happens after the bar – on a one to one – that video would be very interesting and may have more resonance with more people.

  4. The prevalence of casual sex and hooking up in bars is blown out of proportions, mostly by media. People have this perception that bars are places where a man can expect to chat up strange women and have one night stands with them.

    Most women go to bars in social groups or with their male acquaintances, and they are completely shut to anyone outside that group. It will require some stand out qualities on part of a man to get their attention or some sort of social acrobatics to create a context to to approach and urge them to come out of their shells they have created around themselves.

  5. Mr Supertypo says:

    The guys dont act like the women in bar and the women beside the dancing scene are not guy like. How are the guys and girls in the night life? kinda mixed. You find the good girl and the nice boy, and then there are the slutty/horny types. This vid make everything black and white.

  6. Bay Area Guy says:

    I think most men would actually welcome this particular role reversal, provided that the women approaching and hitting on them are physically attractive.

    I guess men would then take it upon themselves to label as creeps unattractive women who try to hit on them. And then recruit certain pro-male women to tell such unattractive women that their looks mean nothing and that they only have themselves to blame for being seen as “creeps.”

    That would be the day!

    • I’ve had this argument with guys many times. NO ONE likes to be hit on aggressively by someone who they don’t find attractive. Men would dislike it as much as women do. Men have a fantasy of being pursued by hot babes, but in all likelihood, they wouldn’t enjoy the actual experience of unwanted attention from women they don’t like and aren’t attracted to.

      • Bay Area Guy says:

        I completely agree, Sarah.

        I actually have an interesting anecdote, which perhaps proves Joanna’s point that “creep” might morph into a gender-neutral word someday.

        In one of my classes (when I was still in college), me and a group of male classmates were talking. One of the guys was talking about how some girl in our class was pursuing him. She requested him as a friend on facebook, tried to get his number, etc. Then, when he told her that he had a girlfriend, she completely gave him the angry silent treatment for the rest of the quarter. He also described her actions as “creepy.”

        Now, granted, based on what he said, her actions were indeed objectionable. But somehow, deep down inside, I knew what her real offense was. This girl was widely regarded as being physically unattractive. Therefore, I asked the guy, “if she were physically attractive, would you have considered her creepy?”

        And without missing a beat, he said, “no of course not! I would have been like, ‘I don’t have a girlfriend, wanna go out?'”

        It’s funny. This was well before I started reading GMP or focusing too much on other gender related issues. And yet, deep down, I somehow knew that “creep” was a subjective judgment, and that more often than not it translated into, “an unattractive person has the audacity to hit on me.” I actually got to witness one of the rare times it worked against women.

        • Bay Area Guy

          It is important to note what most men consider to be an unattractive woman.
          The average young woman is fairly attractive to most men and her attention would not be unwanted in most situations.

          The girl your friend turned down, must be very unattractive, ugly or obese. Less than 20% of women are unattractive.

          Women on the other hand find the overwhelming majority of men unattractive / ugly, and their attention unwanted. Women have very specific tastes in men and only want those handful of men to give them attention and approach them.

          Sorry, I dont see the term ‘creepy’ becoming a gender neutral term, even if roles were reversed.

          • Only 20% of women are unattractive to men? I find that incredibly hard to believe. As a woman who has always been pretty average, definitely not a hot chick, I have spent a lifetime watching mrn pursue the top 10% of women… I doubt I’d get a very positive response if I started throwing myself at guys.

          • Bay Area Guy says:

            Less than 20% of women are unattractive.

            I do agree that women tend to be way more picky than men, but I’m still not buying that figure.

            When you say 80% of girls would pass guys’ attractiveness test, for me that depends. If a guy wants to have some kind of booty call, then yes, his standards will not be particularly high.

            But if he’s looking for girlfriend material, I think that 80% becomes significantly reduced. I do believe that many guys think that how their girlfriend looks reflects on them and determines their status as men. This is the extremely rare occasion where I actually agree with something Hugo Schwyzer once said.

            I remember when one of my friends would not STFU about his new girlfriend, and was constantly showing her off. He became quite insufferable about it in fact.

            So don’t get me wrong. Guys tend to be much more forgiving when assessing a woman’s worth as a potential mate than vice versa.

            But I have a hard time believing that your average guy goes out into the world finding four out of every five women he encounters attractive.

          • Supra deluca says:

            The average young woman MAKES HERSELF fairly attractive. That is the difference: women will put a lot more effort into their looks than men, in general. Have the average young woman without her eyebrows plucked, no skin care regime, no charming haircut (but a masculine “boring” cut instead), hairy armpits and legs and non-feminine clothes (feminine clothes are generally a lot more appealing, sometimes make the body appear even more structured) wearing cargo shorts and baggy t-shirts and never adding not even a little bit of makeup: and most guys, EVEN THE AVERAGE ONES THAT WEAR THE SAME TYPE OF CLOTHES, HAVE THE SAME HAIR CUT AND THE SAME GROOMING REGIME will label her as one of the most unattractive things ever. Unattractive just like them, actually, even though many won’t be able to see it, as many guys take for granted the effort women make and just believe they should be considered attractive not doing the same, and that if women don’t think they are it’s just because they are a lot more picky, of course!

    • I was always lead to believe that Bay Area was a hot bed of enlightenment and consciousness raising! Ah well – it seems Bay Area Guy is letting the team down.

      As A Guy who does Guys and I know what it’s like to be hit on by Guys …. It sure as hell aint what it’s cracked up to be by a quick Stereotype role reversal and some film. Sarah makes the point about how guys would not actually like being hit on by hot babes… well some may, but the stereotypical is not a turn on.

      Now as a Guy who has the same hormones as other guys, some think it amazing when they come over full of themselves, makes an advance and you discover that the extent of their conversational ability is Themselves – Loans – Amortization – and that they refer to their penis as The Happy Hobbit. So far – he could look like Hrithik Roshan, naked apart from hot cocoa butter and a quizzical smile, but my jockey shorts are going to be staying where they are. The only thing so far to get my attention is Hobbit – and as I break into Elvish to ask after the health of Mithrandir, you just know that the gulf is there and it just aint going to close when he says He doesn’t speak Welsh.

      I do find it amazing the comments that get made by characters with male identities. It’s not clear if some of the comments are for real or designed to provoke in a subtle trolling way. I actually hope it is the trolling, because if it’s for real I can see exactly why so many are concerned about how some men behave – but also just how they make all other men look bad as well.

      NB – for easy I have been using the present tense to refer to past personal experience with other guys outside of the USA. The Happy Hobbit is now a Garden Gnome – Middle Age Spread is kind to no man.

      • Bay Area Guy says:

        @ Mediahound

        Apologies for “letting the team down.”

        You and other commenters here know me to be pro-male and critical of feminism. On most issues, we are “on the same team.”

        But at least on this issue, I’m just telling it like it is. Based on talking to other guys and through my own observations, guys do make looks a top priority. They would love getting hit on by hot women, but would dread an ugly one making moves on them.

        I just wish that certain women and their male feminist allies would acknowledge that the same is true for women, rather than presuming that women always have good intentions when rejecting a guy or giving him the creep treatment.

        Joanna gets full marks for being one of the rare women who acknowledges this.

    • Something’s confusing me about this.

      I couldn’t tell if it was just the genders reversed or also the level of dress that was supposed to be reversed. The women in the video seemed to be dressed up a little more, and much more attractive, than the men being hit on. Is the video saying that men who hit on women tend to be dressed up a little more than the women they hit on? Or was it trying to show underdressed men as being hit on instead of being the approachers? Is it just flipping the roles of “pretty dressed-up women” and “average, casual dudes”?

      Once again we have unattractive men being put into the place of attractive women. I’m not sure what the point of that is, because as a hetero man watching it, my reaction would be very different if the aggressive women were much less attractive. (Just like Bay Area Guy’s reaction.)

      Perhaps that makes me shallow, but I’m thinking that the video actually misses the mark because of this. It would more readily capture the way that women feel if the aggressive women in the video were far less physically attractive. As a man watching this, I might “get it” better if it showed very unattractive women hitting on attractive men.

      It’s almost like the video is mostly intended for an attractive female audience….

      • Supra deluca says:

        Exactly. In general, in real life the women will make themselves more attractive (because they are more vain, and understand men are not blind) and men believe they should just be (their excuse is that women don’t care AS MUCh as men about looks, so he can just be a SLOB) – even though they like women a lot more attractive and vain than themselves – and believe they are entitled to it.

  7. Random_Stranger says:

    I suspect this video was primarily intended to generalize on boorish male mating behavior than any balanced role reversal. The female role by contrast, wasn’t reduced to an equivalent hyperbolic caricaturization. By contrast, the men as women in the film appear mostly reasonable, if only slightly reactionary.

    Might I suggest that the real takeaway from this film is the creator’s assumption his/her audience expects male agency, responsibility and culpability in all things dating related? That the only behavior needing examination and introspection would be a man’s?

    • Yup – the use of sterotype and flipping them is rather poor quality stereotyping – and of course it’s aimed at one audience and one group of believers, so they will applaud. It’s a bit like putting and episcopalian in a catholic church. If you really wanted to get attention and educate you would be doing the equivalent of putting the episcopalian in a Hindu Temple and showing the issues in that high a contrast. But of course some just love them muted pastel stereotones. Cest La Vie.

  8. Mr Supertypo says:

    Thats how girls behave at the gay bar ;-)

  9. Dave Kaiser says:

    funny as hell

  10. I’ve never grabbed someone’s butt and been slapped in a bar.
    I’ve tried to, mostly, to politely strike up conversations, and been ridiculed or ignored 10 times out of 10.

    • It might be form of progress if woman who gropes a man in a gay bar got a slap across the face. That might have a deterrent effect, as politically uncorrect as it might be.

  11. wellokaythen says:

    That “morning after” wake-up conversation and “walk of shame” at the very end is actually pretty gender-neutral. It’s not such a gender switch at all. That happens just that way to men and women virtually equally, in my experience, or at least I haven’t noticed any stereotypes about that one way or the other. The men and women I know have done the same number of partially dressed, morning-after walks of shame.

    My favorite: “It’s a freakin’ taco fest in here.”

    And: “Oh, no, don’t button it up!”

  12. The men in that video are a lot meeker, more vulnerable, and more passive than any women I’ve ever met in a bar or club. This video not only exaggerates the aggressiveness of men but also exaggerates the passivity of women. It’s a reversal of a fantasy as much as a reversal of reality.

  13. wellokaythen says:

    Crap. I like raspberry kamikazes, and I like going to Taco Bell. I must be doing it all wrong….

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