There’s more to it than just “making sacrifices.” It takes more than just “hard work.” This is real, but you can do it. Ready?
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Looking for an easy way? I’m sorry, I’m not that guide.
I feel you. You’re working on something great. You want to build that company, build that life, build that legacy. And it’d be great if it could happen sooner than later.
In my previous piece, I quoted Gary Vaynerchuk. His quote is so good that I think it’s worth quoting again right here:
I have massive empathy. It’s not so awesome right now. You’re hoping for that thing. I get it. I get it so much you can’t imagine. I get 10,000 emails a day of like, ‘Can’t I just do this?’ No. You can’t. — Gary Vaynerchuk
That quote–and the deeper message behind it–motivated me to pound out this piece.
Building great things is a hard, slow process.
Here are the things I’ve personally done to build great things. Take these, run with the ones that resonate with you, and build amazing things! You’ve got my full support.
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1. Fully face my flaws
The past year has been illuminating for me.
My business has grown like crazy. I’ve met incredible people. And I’ve positioned myself to help others in a way that I don’t think I had even dreamed of before.
I’ve also been exposed.
With more light comes more blemishes, and others haven’t hesitated to point those blemishes out to me. Sometimes the criticism is just and fair. Criticism is never easy to stomach, but at least I can digest the criticism that is just and fair.
Then there are those people who blindside us. They come from out of nowhere with accusations that are so wrong that we might begin to believe they’re right.
Up to this point, I thought it was enough to merely acknowledge my flaws.
But this turned out to be a flawed approach. See, acknowledging my flaws would be the same as acknowledging the monster under my bed. The monster is still harmful regardless of how much I acknowledge it!
I had to eliminate the monster. Fully face it. And when I did, it led to some incredible clarity in my life.
Want to know one of my flaws? Here’s one: I have a tendency of shoving other’s ideas to the side in order to push my own. Here’s another one: I sometimes communicate in such a way that makes people feel like I’m talking down to them. And heck, let’s do one more: when I’m upset, I immediately think about ways to sabotage the other person’s goals.
Apparently I’m a horrible person!
But those are all personal flaws that I hadn’t fully faced until this year. Sure, I had acknowledged them. They weren’t new to me. But I hadn’t fully faced those monsters and told them to get out from under my bed.
No, I’m not perfect at controlling those things, but I’ve made leaps of improvements.
Have you faced your flaws?
2. Taking control of the right things
This one is interesting to me.
Many of my closest friends seem to be facing the opposite issue: they have trouble giving up control.
There’s a popular quote about control, “Don’t worry about the things you can’t change.”
Personally, I’ve never had a problem worrying about those things. But lately, I’ve really taken charge of the things I can change. Still, just because we can change something doesn’t mean we should.
By no means am I a control freak. At least I don’t think I am!
I don’t try to control everything I can. Not at all. But I do take complete charge of the right things for me to control.
Perhaps there’s a better way to think about control.
“Control” sounds dominating. It can be, of course, but it doesn’t have to be. Really, control is about exhibiting care towards something. That’s why I think there’s a better word to use here.
“Own.”
When we “own” the right things, we’ll see it grow.
3. Say “no” to certain people
Luckily, this started early for me, and I’m not sure why.
Still, it’s not always easy for me to say “no” to certain people. This especially applies to business situations.
In the early startup phase, I started by taking on nearly any client who would give me money. I thought that was necessary just to keep the boat afloat, but I wouldn’t do it that way if I were starting over. Instead, I would start selectively then build from that core group of customers.
Little did I know, but it’d become harder to say no to a potential customer as the business grew.
Here’s why. See, the size of the customers grew in proportion to the size of my business. The people got more powerful, their influence grew stronger, and the checks were larger too.
But I knew I had to say no to the customers who weren’t right for me so I could focus on the customers who were right for me.
Do you know who you should say no to?
4. Say “yes” to greater responsibilities
When I first wrote this piece, I originally said “more responsibilities.” However, “more” is much different than “greater.”
What’s greater to you is different than what’s greater for me. Take the time to think about what it means to you specifically, then be willing to take those responsibilities on.
Here’s an example from my own life.
I started my business in my college dorm room in Illinois. At the time, the only responsibilities I had were to go to class, show up for fraternity functions, and try to figure out what the heck I was doing with my business.
Then I moved back home to Kansas City.
When I left for school, being an entrepreneur wasn’t cool. In fact, not many people actually understood what it meant to be an entrepreneur. Folks would walk around saying they were an entrepreneur, and people would assume they meant that they were in between jobs.
In the four years I had been gone, the startup scene completely evolved. Being an entrepreneur was cool. The mayor’s office declared that one of the the city’s goals was to become the most entrepreneurial city in America. Investment dollars were rolling in. It was–and still is–an incredible time to be in Kansas City.
My name got out there, and my responsibilities evolved with my exposure.
I’m no longer just running my business. Now, people come to me wanting to learn how to raise money for their funds and their companies. I’ve taken a deep dive into the city’s slums and disadvantaged neighborhoods. I work with college kids and high schoolers to develop their entrepreneurial mindsets.
In short, I’ve taken on greater roles.
Tiring? Yes. Fulfilling? Absolutely.
5. Say “no” to fantastic opportunities
Opportunities are everywhere when you’re wearing the right set of lenses.
But opportunities morph into obstacles in the blink of an eye if you’re not careful. Here’s what I mean. When we say yes to everything, then we’ve made it incredibly difficult to execute at a level high enough that gets us noticed.
Remember when I talked about fully facing your flaws?
Another one of my flaws is that I sometimes struggle to say no to great opportunities. This flaw is much more easy for me to understand than those others. See, I need help sometimes to move my business and my life forward. I’ve got massive empathy for others in that position, and that makes it difficult for me to turn down great opportunities.
But I’ve learned that I don’t have to completely turn opportunities down. When I can, I pass great opportunities to others who are looking for their break.
If you’re someone who gets distracted by opportunities, try passing them along.
You’ll be happy you did.
6. Say “yes” to prior commitments
I’ve made commitments that I wish I hadn’t made.
There’s one board I sit on that is frankly a waste of my time. I was promised one thing, and I’ve been delivered another.
But there I sit.
It won’t last forever, and there’s a reason I’m staying. The head is working hard to make it work. She needs the support. She knows that the opportunity is under-delivering, but this is less about deliverables and more about principals.
When we see our commitments through with good people, great things come from it.
7. Study the craft
If there’s one thing the world needs less of, it’s folks who rush to be experts without first being students.
Ok, maybe there are a ton of other things that we could use less of, but you get my point!
Something that has been pounded into me by my mentors, investors, and the market is that the world is always evolving. This is especially true in the tech space, which is where I spend most of my days (and nights).
I usually listen to podcasts when I drive.
One of my favorites is Freakonomics. There was a recent episode in which they talked about how to become great at things. And there was one thought in particular that caught my attention.
I think it was the host, Stephen Dubner, who mentioned that there are studies that suggest veteran doctors make worse judgments than doctors fresh out of med school. It wasn’t because of age. Rather, it was because the older doctors weren’t incentivised to learn the latest knowledge.
Don’t be that doctor.
8. Become more patient
Oddly, I think that I would’ve become less patient had I not been keeping tabs on this.
Impatience is a form of entitlement. Think about it. If I’m not being patient, then I’m essentially saying that I deserve something when I want it. Not when you’re able to provide it, or not when it’s appropriate, and not when it’s just. But when I want it.
On the other hand, patience is a form of respect.
This is a long game we’re playing. If you’re building a business or a life worth loving, then please allow it to grow.
Great things are more like gardens than weeds.
Weeds sprout up instantly, and usually when nobody is tending to the land. Gardens, on the other hand, take time to cultivate and blossom. They also take work and attention.
Most of all, the most beautiful gardens require patience to grow.
9. Being alone sometimes, and embracing it
I picked the cover photo for this piece off of #9 because I think this is one of the most important points on my list.
Let me describe my current environment.
I’m sitting at my desk. It’s dark inside my apartment, and the streetlights are the only things illuminating the outside. It’s 2:31 AM here in Kansas City.
I’m writing to you, but I’m alone.
But I need to be alone to produce this work. When do you need to be alone?
I used to be afraid of being alone. But I realized that there are parts of this journey that will leave me to myself.
Here’s something for us to keep in mind.
As long as we’re doing things that most people aren’t, then we will certainly be alone sometimes. That’s the nature of taking the path less traveled.
If you can embrace these times, then your journey will surely lead to a better place.
10. Fail
I fail every single day.
No, I’m not about to give you a pep talk. Instead, let me touch on how much I hate failing. In short, I hate failing.
If I could avoid it and still find success, then I would! How about you?
With that said, I know just as well as you that failing leads us to the solution. It’s necessary. Difficult, but absolutely necessary.
I have the awesome privilege of getting invited to universities to speak to their entrepreneur groups. There’s a soft spot in my heart of collegiate entrepreneurs, because that’s where I started my (crazy) journey.
As soon as I step into the room full of eager, aspiring entrepreneurs, I drop the first bomb of the day: I’m not as successful as you might think.
It’s true!
Guest speakers are assumed to have “made it.” They’re assumed to know something that others don’t. Worse, they’re assumed to have stopped failing. Those kids don’t think I fail anymore.
You know, I don’t blame them for thinking that way.
Failure seems both near to and far from us, all at once. We won’t start things because we’re afraid we’ll fail. At the same time, we’ll read about someone else’s failure and laugh at how avoidable the consequences seemed to be.
There aren’t enough people talking about the failure that is required in building the business and life you love. Failure happens to everyone at every stage in the game.
So, fail. It’s part of everyone’s narrative.
Are you brave enough to let it be part of yours?
11. Stay humble
Simply put, it’s easy to brag.
Being truly humble allows us to focus on what matters most. We don’t have time for frivolous pursuits, like the pursuit involved in keeping up appearances.
Work hard. Stay humble.
Do so, and you’ll appreciate your results.
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Photo: Flickr/marc falardeau