This is a comment by Anonymous on the post “I Know Who You Raped Last Summer“.
Anonymous said:
“This is our problem, Kevin. A male problem. A problem within our society that is our responsibility. A problem in male culture that justifies and condones and makes light of what may well be the most heinous thing about male culture, this propensity towards violence against women.
“I have never had a girlfriend that has not been raped.
“I do not believe a single one of them had reported it, gone through the hell our society forces a woman to endure to report rape. I wonder what the statistics would look like if this crime wasn’t so under reported.
“A few years ago, word began to circulate that a good friend of mine had sexually assaulted a woman that was a member of our mutual circle of friends. Our society is so screwed up that I didn’t even know what to do with the information. I reached out through her female friends, and got her story. In getting to the point of her feeling safe enough to talk to me about what had happened, through talking to the women we both knew, I discovered that this friend of mine had a habit. That this was no isolated incident. That no one, not even the women, had confronted him.
“I did. Less than gracefully, I did. I also helped his victim talk to the police. He was arrested and charged with sexual assault. He was acquitted. I was shunned by nearly all our mutual male friends. I don’t care, I don’t regret what I did one tiny little bit. At least the women started talking about him, alerting each other and any new female around him to the potential danger of his company.
He found a new circle of friends.
“There’s no justice in this system.
“I’m glad you’re talking about this. Men need to talk about this. Men need to hold each other accountable. What these men do to women harms us all.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Walt Stoneburner
Powerful you! I also maintain a safe zone for anyone to talk about this to me. This is something I am very passionate about, and it’s always nice to see someone else trying to fight back against this heinous crime. I have…personal experience that I’d rather not discuss, but succinctly put, it changed my life, and now wont even speak to anyone who I am aware has committed a sexual crime, regardless of gender. Thank you for being there, and I am here if you’d like to commiserate on the loosing of friends part.
Mike
You are truly a hero in my book. Thank you so much! If all men were like you, can you even imagine what a wonderful place our world would be? You are the model of a “man”.
I do applaud your heroic act and the help you gave your friend. I agree the system is near useless and we need more people to step up and help as you did, just as we need laws and attitudes to change. I have to add though (and you are likely aware of this, but it bares repeating) that men are also raped, as are children; not just women. Also, some women rape; not just men. We need to teach all humans not to rape anybody. It’s a human problem, not solely a man problem. I was raped as a… Read more »
About that whole “trigger warning” thing. It’s compassionate, sensitive, and considerate, which are all good things. However, I’m thinking that after the title “I Know Who You Raped Last Summer” that a trigger warning about rape is probably unnecessary. The reader could probably get that from the title. And, wouldn’t a “trigger warning about rape” itself be a triggering piece of text?
Echoing the sentiments of the other posters, THANK YOU for what you did and being open enough to talk about it despite having received male shaming for it. Thank you for saying that other men need to hold each other accountable. Thank you, Thank you! You are what maculinity is truly about.
Thank you for what you did. I don’t think that can be said enough. And it’s not just that you confronted him, but that you listened to HER. You took the time to take interest in her side of the story, and most of all, to believe her. For her sake, I’m so sorry that he was acquitted. I know that makes the recovery process that much more difficult because you crave the guilty verdict that not only makes you feel vindicated, but makes you feel like you matter. I hope that you can continue to be there for her–many… Read more »
Wow– then you are a good man…a great one, in fact…. that took real courage…!
I was reading an article in NYT about an Air Force woman who was assaulted and harassed by other Air Force men, even by a high ranking person in front of her husband (also an AF pilot)…but everyone told her to shut up….
Thank you for taking a stand and doing the right thing!
Thank you. I applaud you, and I have shared this on my FB page. Men like you are real men, and for us all to move toward gender equity, we all must hold each other accountable for our behavior to and with each other. Again, thank you.
You did right. You are a true hero. I’m sorry you were shunned, but maybe they weren’t really friends after all. There are those who assists the serial rapists out there, calling him by a different name at a frat party the potential victim is attending is one example, leading to doubt of the identification of the rapist should she report. I don’t know why these men do what they do, I’m sure they themselves would never rape. I believe it’s our “boys will be boys” rape culture. It’s our fear of being called “queer” or “weak.” It’s a matter… Read more »