This comment was from CajunMick to Lori Day on “The Bittersweet World of Male Objectification.“
Thanks again for your post, Lori. I’m sorry for your failed first marriage, but it sounds like everything has worked out in the second. I’m glad for you.
To be brief, when I look at the conflict between the sexes, all I see is the suffering. Not who is right or who is wrong, each gender, each group, each individual suffers in their own particular way. Self-righteousness, on either side of the chasm, is useless. It does not promote healing. The best thing to do is to offer bodhicitta (compassion) to all sufferers. Even
those who have/do hurt you.
To many, this may sound, well, stupid or foolishly idealistic at best. It’s not. I have been angry myself. Very angry. Abused as a child, a terrible marriage, losing a fiance to an automobile accident, and all the bumps, bruises and broken bones that few of us get through this life without experiencing. I was carrying a terrible anger. Skipping anything that could sound like proslytyzing, I found a way to deal with it.
So, no, it’s not pie-in-the-sky idealism. When those in conflict really want healing and peace more than they want anger and vengence, they will find their own paths.
I do wish everyone well.
Sorry about typos, grammatical errors. A little pressed fpr time today. Mea culpa!
Comment of the day?…that’s quite a surprise. Thank you. I’d like to, very briefly, address some of the comments above. To David, Julie- Of course boundaries, and self-preservation/self-care are important. Listening to those who hurt, removing yourself from toxic relationships and situations is imperative. Engaging in social justice work to make the world a better place for everyone is a wonderful thing to do. Regarding suffering. Yes, everyone suffers. Attacker/victim; oppressor/the oppressed. Both are suffering. All deserve compassion. Does that mean you have to lie down for abuse? No. Not in the least. You have the right to remove yourself… Read more »
“Ultimately, being compassionate means finding skillful ways to defend yourself and others while working toward finding ways to make peace or healing in others, even those you may consider an enemy.”
Absolutely.
Love this world view so much. Speaks to me so deeply. Thank you, and y’all be well too. (from a fellow southerner)
Hello Julie, Lori,
A compassionate world view really is practical. The energy you spend being angry and being defensive you can instead use to calmly assess the world. Even those you may consider enemies, you are able to see them more clearly- giving you the ability to choose wiser options on dealing them.
The lagniappe is you feel so much better, not carrying around that pain.
Again, y’all be well.
I hope CajunMick responds, because, had you read the entire thread between us, the Buddhist part might make more sense. I know way less about Buddhism than I’d like, but enough to know that you really can’t apply western thought patterns to analyzing it. I thought this comment was phenomenal. CajunMick is saying that DESPITE everything he has suffered, he has found a way to inner peace through compassion. I simply think this is a magnificent personal triumph, and I applaud CajunMick for being able to do something very few people can do. I see nothing wrong with aspiring to… Read more »
Oh that’s an interesting choice of comment to highlight. It’s actually quite controversial because it’s one side of a formulation which seems like a classic dispute on these pages right now. But people say this sort of thing to me a lot on all sorts of topics and I’ve always hated it. when I look at the conflict …, all I see is the suffering. Not who is right or who is wrong To me that is a failure of real compassion due to laziness. To me that attitude says, “I can’t be bothered to dig into the details here,… Read more »
The real failure is the current status quo of playing the blame game. Reality is that the majority of abuse is low severity and reciprocal without any physical evidence. It’s the psychological abuse that has the lasting effects which people need the most help.
h t t p://lab.drdondutton.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Dutton-D.G.-Corvo-K.-2007-The-Duluth-Program_-A-flawed-and-data-impervious-paradigm.pdf
I may be wrong here, but I don’t think compassion in the Buddhist sense means rolling over and giving a free pass, does it? I think that if I was violently attacked, I hope (I hope) that I’d seek a fair sentence for the attacker and hope he or she found therapy and arenas for healing and growth while serving that sentence. I mean, I think I’d assume that if I was hurt the person hurting me either is a) sociopathic in a way that cannot be reached or b) damaged and lashing out. I think compassion does include having… Read more »