This is a comment by Lesli Doares on the post “Are Men Lazy?“
“I appreciate this thread very much. It reminds of a couple I counseled where the woman had two antagonistic expectations: she believed the man should be the primary breadwinner; and she believed she was entitled to a certain lifestyle. The main problem was that she married a teacher. She resented having to work at a high level job to maintain their standard of living. Her solution was for him to change careers. I see some form of this argument all the time.
“We keep trying to run away from our biological, evolutionary underpinnings and spend an incredible amount of time blaming each other instead of finding a workable solution. Our culture’s unrelenting focus on acquiring stuff drives a lot of it. I mean, do we really need to spend two days in line waiting to spend $600 for a phone so we can spend more time avoiding being in relationships with the people in the same room? Do we really need ever bigger homes so we don’t even have to be in the same room with the people we live with?
“Couples need to honor and respect the contributions each partner makes. We are designed to work together but somehow have really lost sight of that.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Hortlander
Lesli, Great comment. This is really the crux of the problem. Many people PRETEND to marry for love….. However, it is really about lifestyle, $$$, and everything else except love and affection. The institution of marriage in America has become a complete farce. Relatively high divorce stats simply confirm such. You cannot call anything with a failure rate of nearly 50% a successful endeavor. We live in an increasingly narcissistic and material society in America. The primary motivation for many people getting married is financial. If they want to be financial partners, then you cannot mask it with marriage. My… Read more »
Maybe not a successful endeavor, but a complete farce? That seems a bit extreme and discounts the 50% (or whatever percent it actually is – people throw that 50% around like it’s gospel) of marriages that turn out alright. I’d also say few people “pretend” to get married for love. That implies willful deceit. People do get married because they love each other. I think some people just don’t understand, at least not at the outset, that it takes more than love. Compatibility on all the other issues – lifestyle, income, spending habits, children, even down to hybrid vs. gasoline-fueld… Read more »