“Declarations like these are why guys who do have self-esteem issues are told they don’t matter.”

This is a comment by Danny on the comment of the day: “If a man KNOWS he is physically unattractive we focus other qualities instead of beating up our self-esteem.”

Keith Kappel originally said:

If a man KNOWS he is physically unattractive, and many of us DO know it, we will focus our attention on some other quality we possess from the above list. We don’t keep beating our self-esteems against the wall by trying to live up to what society says we should look like. We accept that we don’t, and either do our best to make changes, or accept that we don’t and never will, and focus on one of the other desirable qualities in a man.

Danny said:

Sounds like good advice unfortunately I think declarations like this are precisely why men who do beat their self esteems against the wall are told that their experiences aren’t real or that they don’t matter as much as women that do similar.

I know that when talking about my own body image issues (and the havoc is wrecked on my esteem) the “advice” wasn’t “That may be true but you have other qualities going for you, work with those.” but instead was “So what? Your physical appearance isn’t as all important to you as is it is to women.” In short those other qualities weren’t being offered as a solution to a problem (because yes men that don’t have ideal bodies do have it held against them) they were being offered as some sort of proof that the problem does not exist, simply because I’m a guy. 

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