This is a comment by James on the post “F***ing and Making Love: What’s the Difference, Men?“.
James said:
“The word ‘fuck’ is often used in a violent way: ‘Fuck you,’ ‘Fuck off,’ ‘Go fuck yourself,’ ‘Motherfucker,’ and so on. That language appears to be a defensive and a way to attack/hurt the other person disguising our original hurt. In terms of sexual engagement it could be seen as an individualistic and selfish act—something I want to do to the other—‘I want to fuck you.’
“Making love appears to me to be much more consensual, something that two people do together, something that is creative, equal and loving.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Dance Photographer – Brendan Lally
Fuck is transitive; “making love” is intransitive. All the nasty sexual words are transitive, whereas the nice ones are intransitive. Stephen Pinker talks about this in the stuff of thought.
Sometimes this distinction between love making and fucking is used to shame men who want casual sex. I think we need to watch out for the double bind men are placed in sexually where they are shamed because of the power element that is associated with sex, which means that men must monitor their behavior around women, but are also shamed for not living up to masculine archetypes suggested by “50 shades of grey” billionaires- which ironically perpetuates the idea that sex and power are interconnected. Aggression may not be only about power, it may be a way of expressing… Read more »
Or it simply means fuck me baby, fuck me hard, it’s dirty talk….maybe aggressive consenting sex, it doesn’t mean rape and anyone trying to suggest so really pisses me off. Hardcore aggressive sex can be very loving, not everyone has vanilla sex in love, missionary isn’t the best position for everyone whilst the lights out. Sometimes lovers just wanna fuck hard n fuck long.