“He just fastened the snaps on the left shoulder of my gown for me. Like a blond angel in green scrubs sent from some heavenly place.”

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  1. You’re basically continuing to tell men to just listen no matter how hard the woman lashes out at them. This woman could also use weapons, blunt instruments, hit them, abuse them should they choose and your solution is to show kindness and compassion.

    I find it laughable that this was chosen as comment of the day.

    And so far as the “Angry Comments” are concerned, if people would be bothered to listen to those angry comments (I believe one of them was mine for good reason) then you wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss them.

    • Uh, what? I don’t see how she’s saying that at all.

      She seems to be talking about how the simple act of showing you care can help someone who is in pain. Even if there’s nothing else you can do to help them, you can do that.

      How, precisely, is this asking men to put up with abuse?

      • I think that Eagle may be jumping the gun on saying that Leia is asking that of men but I think I see where he is coming from. It’s as simple as this.

        When men are in ill moods (especially when we are acting like the male equivalent of the psycho bitch) is the compassion that Atalwin is calling for men to extend to women being extended to men from women in return?

        The problem is guys like Eagle have learned the hard way that that answer is not just “no”, not even “hell no”, but “compassion? you just want justification for your terrible patriarchal ways.”.

        That is where those angry comments are coming from.

        For all this talk of compassion and understanding at the end of the day, in the realm of gender there is still an expectation that it only needs to run one way. As long there is the continued expectation that men need to try to understand the anger of women but women aren’t expected to understand the anger of men responses like Eagle’s will only continue.

        • Ok, that’s an anger I can understand even if I think it’s being misapplied here. It’s screwed up that men can’t expect empathy for their struggles and I certainly agree that needs to change. But we’re being hypocrites if we complain loudly when people ask for empathy for women while we’re also demanding it for ourselves.

          At the end of the day, we can either say that both men and women deserve compassion and empathy for their struggles in modern society, or that neither of us do. Personally, I’m in favor of a bit more compassion and empathy for everyone.

          • Notavi: “At the end of the day, we can either say that both men and women deserve compassion and empathy for their struggles in modern society, or that neither of us do. Personally, I’m in favor of a bit more compassion and empathy for everyone.”

            But that’s not happening Notavi. Not in the real world.

            There’s still the expectation that women should be listened to and understood while men who are hurting get the short end of the stick.

            It’s emotionally draining, I’ll tell you. I’m this close to not giving a damn anymore. But I keep soldiering on anyway.

          • But we’re being hypocrites if we complain loudly when people ask for empathy for women while we’re also demanding it for ourselves.
            The problem starts before that Notavi. Before we (as in men in general) are being asked to show empathy for women we are being told that we as men are already getting said empathy from women and that we should be showing it return.

            There is a starting presumption that women are showing compassion, empathy, etc… for men and now it’s time for men to reciprocate by showing some for women in return. The reality for a lot of men clearly shows that that this presumption is false.

        • Danny: “For all this talk of compassion and understanding at the end of the day, in the realm of gender there is still an expectation that it only needs to run one way. As long there is the continued expectation that men need to try to understand the anger of women but women aren’t expected to understand the anger of men responses like Eagle’s will only continue.”

          Precisely, Danny.

          Look, I don’t want to be an angry man all the time. But everytime I’m always seeing the call for more empathy for women, constantly. More support for their hurt, their struggles. Only tackling the problem of bullying if a girl is a victim.

          Meanwhile, I had to work my rear end off to get my voice heard and society still hasn’t even come close to acknowleding the hurt of men like me. Men who have been hurt by women and girls. It’s frustrating dealing with this reality, living with this hurt in my daily life while being told to just be successful and live life to its fullest.

          I’m so emotionally spent from this that I get close to just not giving a damn anymore. My play about a male survivor is out there but it hasn’t achieved the success I hoped. There’s still more pushing to be done, but it’s not looking good.

          See what I mean? And yet, I’m asked to have empathy day in and day out?

          Then I see articles like that “Psycho Bitch From Hell” one? How to empathise with angry women? Newsflash guys, women like that hurt me as a child. Girls like that hurt me as a child. I’m not going to express one shred of empathy, not even for the society that treats this like an anomoly or a waste of time addressing.

          All right I’m done for now.

          • I didn’t realise how personal this was for you. It wasn’t my intention to stir up wounds and I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you.

            I don’t know what happened to you, and I suspect even if I did I probably wouldn’t be able to understand what it was like, at least not fully. But I do know you didn’t deserve whatever horror you suffered and you have my sympathy.

            For what it’s worth, I think you do stand a chance of finding people who will care on GMP.

            • Yeah?

              Well with articles like this and the “Why Do Strong Women Get Bullied” one, forgive me for not trusting society as a whole when they constantly bleat “You don’t deserve what happened” yet continue to endorse the very tropes that silence men like me. Even after screaming and shouting to the point of sore lungs with things like my play and my own articles.

              Yes, it’s very personal to me. Why wouldn’t it be? I know my hurt, I know my pain and I know what ostracization is like.

              If you want to know what happened to me, read “Bullied By Girls And Women: One Man’s Account” on this site. You’ll understand where I’m coming from.

            • Go visit this too and get back to me.

              http://indymedia.org.uk/en/2013/01/505765.html?c=on#comments

  2. Steve Steveson says:

    Again, dismissing mens views. I don’t think anyone was angry about women getting justifiably angry, but about the dismissing of men how have been in abusive relationships as a failing on there part, not on the part of the women. Noone is saying that you should not be compasionat to someone who is in pain, mental or physical, but that we should stop absolving abusive women of their responsability for their actions.

    The asumption in this comment is that because men are angry at the way Female abusers are absolved of all responsability because of “pain” we are also completly incapable of compassion and that we are at fault for not being compassionat enough or listening enough when abuse happens.

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