This is a comment by Atalwin on the post “How to Deal with a Psycho Bitch from Hell“.
Are you asking for us to put ourselves in her shoes at the heat of the moment? Because its hard to do when we are experiencing our own reactions to her “temporary state” of psychoness! If we put ourselves in her shoes after all is said and done, how can we approach it with the same passion and or conviction that would allow us to examine what just happened on the same level? The question is given our differences could we realistically even do that? I’m not trying to be a smart ass about this, I would really like to know. Any ideas or suggestions?
Hey Mark, yes, you can. And yes, it is difficult and gets more difficult if you really love the girl. And you will make mistakes. Sometimes I still fall flat on my face but it happens less and less and I see my ignorance it faster and faster.
If this is a real thing in your life you are part of a destructive pattern. You want to break the pattern. I did this in 2004 be starting to learn about meditation, zen, the ego, all that stuff. I started because I wanted to learn to be always ‘zen’. I started because I wanted to suppress my anger since I had a girl who would (violently) accuse me and my anger of being the source of all evil. I believed it. I thought that if I would be calm she would not leave me. By learning to meditate I became aware of my thought patterns, fears (of abandonment) and reactions. Step by step I became less and less a slave of them. When my own ego was not blurring the moment I could ‘see’ her. It was not personal anymore. I could also see it was not my fault, my weakness or my anger.
Presence is disarming. It doesn’t work just with girls but also with aggression in life. I am a guy that can stop violence because i am (or can be) threatening if I want. But I very clearly remember the firs time that my presence was de-escalating instead of intimidating. A guy was looking for trouble and instead of kicking him out (normal response) I asked him what was going on, if he was okay. He looked first confused, then broke out smiling and the next moment we are hugging. Guess he just had a shitty night and wanted to fight but a bit of genuine interest was an even better medicine.
Thank you for your question! I hope this gives you an idea. I realize my answer is not complete. If you have more questions you are welcome.
Photo credit: Flickr / benwatts