This comment was by Julie Gillis, in response to Jimmy, on the post “Chasing Beauty: An Addict’s Memoir.”
See Jimmy, most women I know (myself included) LOVE it when men (or women) find us attractive.
I love men and enjoy flirting and being admired. I can tell the difference between erotic appreciation and flirting and, as I’ve said in posts past, being seen as a wall that sexual graffiti can be sprayed on randomly. Does that make sense?
Meeting a guy at a theater event or bar and he and I exchanging eye contact, him saying, “I just had to tell you how (foxy, sexy etc) you looked from across the room” or even less direct but more flirty” is great. And no, it doesn’t always matter (to me) if the man is my type etc. I’ve had some amazing flirts by men who were much older, younger, heavy, skinny etc. They were awesome people and it was great fun.
Being yelled at, “Sweet Ass etc” or being van stalked (as I was a few weeks ago) as I was walking, is not great.
And I do think most people actually know the difference about context, timing, when it’s about YOU or when it’s about the potential of US. They know the difference between actual flirting to make a connection and interrupting someone on their daily business to jack with them.
And if they don’t know, then perhaps the messaging women are giving is not sculpted enough to get that point across or the frustration level is so high that we just say CUT IT OUT. I don’t know. I do know that a world without flirting and admiring each other is no world for me.
About the Editors
Yes, I agree…Van stalking is bad… Getting yelled at (“Sweet Ass!”) is bad…kissy-kissy noises is bad…. Groping is really bad….Could it be that some women/girls are going to work/school and are not prostitutes?
Flirting: good examples…hmmm, …. well, if I am reading a book on Henry James on the subway and I am not making any eye contact…you can (a) leave me alone or (b) make a comment on what I am reading…hopefully, you have actually read Henry James and can discuss it in an intelligent or humorous way (and even better, you are a University student who looks like Paul Rudd in a white cable knit sweater…but I digress…)
Flirting: bad idea if the woman is wearing a wedding/engagement ring…. Get a clue!
When in doubt, just say “Good morning” or “Have a good day!” ….Whistling and honking is rude!
I”d even say that prostitutes should have decent working condition….but I’m radical like that.
I think it would be awesome if a woman yelled “sweet ass!” at me from across a bar. But seriously, I’ve have a pretty decent number of women flirt with me and its a great feeling. This one time I remember in particular, when I was 19 in a bar in Ireland with my girlfriend, an older woman, (probably early 30s) came up to me and bought me a drink. My girlfriend was away talking to a friend across the bar, and I told the woman I had a girlfriend and she said, “I don’t care I just think you’re lovely” and walked away. That little ego boost has stuck with me for years.
I guess my story just kind of echoes your comment about how good it can feel to be desired based on nothing more than appearance.