This comment is from Jake on the open thread discussion “How Did You Learn About the Birds and the Bees?“
I didn’t have sex till I was in my 20s because I never had a real girlfriend in high school. Only group dates to the movies or prom which didn’t go past making out. And I never wanted that desperate have-sex-with-whoever-is-willing-just-so you’re-not-a-virgin act. I waited till I was in a relationship with a girl I really liked and I don’t regret it at all. We were both in our 20s and I was her 2nd and she was my 1st. We’re now in our 30s and we’re still friends.
You’re story is very similar to most. No sex talk from my parents. Nothing. Just bits and pieces from Sex Ed, media (tv/magazines), and most of all friends. But I think the good thing about waiting till you’re a little bit older to have sex is that you have a MUCH BETTER understanding of sex and you’re much more likely to use birth control correctly and to be more responsible.
I fear that if I would have had sex in my teens I might have impregnated a girl and ruined both our lives.
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Good comment. And good on you for not doing the whole ‘have-sex-with-anyone-just-so-I’m-not-a-virgin-and-can’t-be-made-fun-of’ thing.
To be honest, using someone’s virginity as an insult is disgusting.
If only it were less common. Though at this point, I pretty much stare anyone down who does it, knowingly or not. They find out that the stereotype that virgins are losers for easy picking isn’t true, very quickly.
The main perpetrator here is the media. Watch almost any movie that features a “loser” who becomes a “real man”. They’re usually thin, love math, and are virgins. It’s funny, see. I’m a thin virgin majoring in engineering, math, and physics. And quite frankly, I don’t think many people consider me a loser.
In fact, I even see on the news these days women and men will talk about something sexual and if they despise the guy, they say “not that you’d have ay experience in that department.”
Or when men talk about men’s issues, it’s usually followed up with “whelp, I’m not getting a girl now” or a girl saying “gawd, you’re such a jerk. I bet you couldn’t get laid if you were locked with a woman for a month.” I see it about 50-50 between guys and girls.
The guys usually focus on the “getting laid” part. It’s part of an acceptance thing. Guys all around you all over the place have had 4 or so partners to talk about. It makes the virgin feel unloved. “These jerks, buffoons, and meatheads have won the attraction and admiration of women. There must be something really shitty about me.”
And, ironically, it’s usually the GIRLS in the argument who are placing themselves on a pedestal. Saying a woman’s presence is a blessing only the best men can earn. Inadvertently saying “You’re not good enough to be accepted by the REAL moral judges.”
Exactly. In all of popular culture it’s the ‘getting laid’ that determines a real man or not. It’s ridiculous. And you’re right, losers in popular culture are pretty much just the thin virgins who are then insulted. It makes people think that being like that is wrong.