This is a comment by alseeIT on the post “My Son Wears Pink, He’s Either Gay or a Girl Right?“
“”Since I had my son, I could have told why the color/gender divide exists. My own mother pressed and pressed to find out the sex so she could buy ‘the right clothes’. She recently commented on how she is so sick of yellow because that was ‘all she could buy, before he was born.’ (Aside: untrue. She bought him a fleece pink bunny jammas, which I find adorable.)
“I purposely kept the gender unknown so my baby would NOT be pegged into a standard. I found it delightful that one of our lesbian friends said she would buy my baby some transgender outfit. (Hilarious! I mean, what is transgender for a baby? Ha!)
“Now, after all that, I find myself dressing my baby either in clothes like a little old man, (so cute) like his daddy, or in pajamas. Though mostly blue jammas when we are out, because people seem so SHY or afraid to ask if he’s a boy or girl. I’m not offended by the old lady who got mixed up. I just love talking about my baby, any opportunity I get. So blue it is, to ease other people for a chat, but really now, I feel like its a who-cares thing.
Those who mind don’t matter,those who matter don’t mind.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Wrote
About the Editors
People get so mad if you won’t tell them whether your child is a girl or a boy. True they get embarrassed if they get it wrong on their own, but if they think that they are being tricked into making a mistake they resent the parents little game. Most people that have strict rules about maleness and femaleness of babies have no idea that it matters to them until they are already in the situation. I found all of this out because I am a massage therapist and the rules for touching a male or a female are very strong in people getting their first massage. This usually happens at a walkathon, bike-athon or some other kind of fund raiser where the massage is going to happen in a large open room. Men are embarrassed if they enjoy their massage. It should be painful etc. These unspoken rules also apply to babies. Talking to or touching a baby boy as if he were a girl (even though he has no idea what you are saying) is just wrong to many and they don’t know they are going to react this way until they react. One more observation: I think that concern about breaking social rules is always worse in a situation where its a first time.
My motto is that social rules that are arbitrary and only there to maintain an air of distinction from some Other, are rules I don’t care one bit to follow. And certainly won’t enforce on others. Heck, I encourage blasphemy in this area by my very existence as a trans woman, especially one who prefers androgeny (I don’t lean femme or butch, body looks androgynous, looks skew femme ONLY because skirts and pink are never ever seen as appropriate for men, no other reason).
Social rules that actually matter are those there to prevent chaos and crime. Like not punching someone for no reason. Saying please, and saying thank you.
Child welfare should intervene on this one.
It’s worrying to think that people who read this blog find no problem with child abuse.
Oh noes, the thought police can’t force the kid into the man box or the woman box before they can even think. Call the cops, quick!
I agree. It’s always a good idea to use your child to carry out social-psychology experiments. What is a child, if not a forum for expressing your political views?
I recall Jennifer Garner being asked about raising her daughters and her son. She was asked if she noticed any differences between parenting a girl baby versus a boy baby. She said “the girls don’t pee in your face when you change their diapers,” but otherwise she didn’t see much difference.
That’s of course a difference in anatomy, not a difference in gender.
Sorry, I don’t know where I’m going with this, it just popped into my head…..