This is a comment by Jon D on the post “It’s True That Men Have to Fall Harder For Women Than They Fall For Us“.
To certain extent this rings true when you consider that men overwhelmingly bear the brunt of having to “be romantic” for their women. You never hear a man complain that his wife never takes him anywhere or doesn’t bring him home special gifts or leave little love notes hidden for him to discover. It’s because we’re conditioned not to expect that stuff, whereas women are conditioned to expect it and when a man fails to deliver, it is further evidence that the man does not care for her much because he is not willing to make an effort.
I say it’s time for women to make more of an effort, especially in marriage, to keep romance alive. The next time a woman complains her boyfriend or husband is “boring” they need to ask themselves what fabulous fun ideas they have come up with in the last year.
Photo credit: Flickr / blair_25
Hey, I’m totally on the same page that women should “romance” their men and men should “romance” their women. Relationships are joint efforts.I don’t think women always know how to romance their guys so if guys want to give any advice on how you like to be romanced, that might help. I know I would be interested in hearing those responses! While you don’t hear men complain about never being taken anywhere or bought gifts, there are stereotypical things men do complain about usually regarding physical acts of love like sex, or the lack of sex in a relationship. How… Read more »
I also think men bear the brunt of the responsibility to ensure sex is pleasurable for their partners. When a man finds himself dissatisfied with sex it is often brushed off because men are supposedly never satisfied, or it is attributed to amount or frequency of sex as opposed to quality of sex. If a woman is not pleased sexually, it’s the man’s failure. If a man is not pleased sexually, it’s never the woman’s fault, nor is it looked upon as her responsibility to ensure sex is pleasurable. Women seem to think their presence alone is enough, that by… Read more »
Men in general are conditioned to fix stuff and asking for help is much harder so I think it may be harder for men to ask for help to fix a relationship, and that their ways of fixing it might not be very visible whereas a woman might go asking others for help and advice.
So true what you say… My husband and I reached a crossroads a few years ago…he was stressed out about work, caring for his elderly mother, paying for our house (of course, I was going through the same thing!)….he started hanging out more and more with his controlling, drunken friend and ignoring my son and myself….I was reading every self-help book to try to remedy the situation constructively without blowing up at him…. Long story short…you do need to take a step back and see what you can do to remedy the situation…the drunken friend is finally gone…I make dinner… Read more »
you keep score; you got a competition problem. you wait for the other person to act: you’re a blam-game guy. you point fingers; you don’t look in the mirror. someone says you’re boring; that is a wake-up call. if someone told me i was boring i would ask why they thought that, but also why they felt they had to part in it. everyone likes to be thought of, to think that another person puts them first. if you’re doing the best you can with that, no one can ask more. if you aren’t; no one should need to ask… Read more »
I think this is more than just a personal thing. It’s a society-wide problem. So many times I hear my girlfriends whining and complaining about how their husbands never buy them flowers, or how they aren’t doing all those adorable things on those “100 Cute Things to Do on a Date” lists that are written by women (and FOR women), or how they never do that nice thing anymore. I think there’s needs to be a recognition that relationships change over time, and for us women to stop being collectively naggy. I personally try to do this by making sure… Read more »
“OMG Y U NO LIKE DISNEY PRINCE CHARMING?”
lolol that was funny.
Deanna, your ‘Comment of the day’ picks have been very good. You select them regardless of whether the commenter is a feminist or non-feminist
Heh, I use to think being thoughtful for your partner would mean not buying her roses from the shop, but putting in a garden for her so she has a garden full of roses available without needing to spend lots n lots of money. Would that work?:P
Didn’t prince charming want a very beautiful princess? Meaning most women wouldn’t be royalty and couldn’t date him?
Misty Christy you say : “if you’re doing the best you can with that, no one can ask more. if you aren’t; no one should need to ask you, you should just do more.” What if you don’t know that your partner would like you to do more? Are you just supposed to know? Your analysis seems immature in that you should just be expected to continually lavish attention and romance on a partner regardless of their reciprocity or their perceived level of gratitude. Would you keep doing nice things for someone who didn’t appreciate it or do nice things… Read more »