“I’m the first to admit my husband is a better, more consistent, and more engaged parent than I am.

This is a comment by Amanda Rose Adams on the post “Why ‘What Do You Do?’ is an Attack on Manhood“.

“My husband stayed home for 6.5 years taking care of our kids while I worked as program manager. It was a perfect arrangement for us, and given that we’re in the 21st century I was SHOCKED that people made snide comments to my husband about me being his ‘sugar mama.’ Ugh. He’s in school now to become an elementary school teacher and works part time as a teacher’s assistant in our kids’ school.

“Anyway, I do a lot. I wrote a book that was published in April, am working on two more books and marketing the first with my publisher. I also work full time as a program manager in a tech firm, started two nonprofit organizations, one of which I still lead and do events for, participate in advocacy initiatives globally, and helped write a resolution that received full bi-partisan support at my state capitol. I don’t, however, do laundry, pay bills, cook, take care of the yard, take out the trash or worry about my kids when I’m doing book signings or presentations on congenital heart disease, because my husband has our family covered.

“This is not women’s work. This is parenting, and I’m the first to admit my husband is a better, more consistent, and more engaged parent than I am. I am a provider and a community leader, and my husband is my equal partner who lifts me up to be able to do those things. Does that make me less of a woman or him less of a man? I don’t think so. It makes each of us more human and able to pursue our passions and use our abilities to better society. I feel the same way about stay at home moms or moms who work part time so their husbands have more career opportunities. I think the issue is, who wants more career opportunities? I care about my career as a means to provide for my family, but I care far more about my writing and advocacy work as a means to change the world. My husband lets me do that not by granting permission but by giving stability and support.

“My kids have no gender stereotype issues. My daughter came late to Barbies after playing with her cousins, and my son had a baby doll when he was little because there were no channels of choice for them. They choose what they like and follow their passions. They are whole people, and I thank their dad for making them so. Our arrangement works because it’s right for us and we don’t care what the rest of the world thinks we ‘should’ be doing. Maybe if we each cared more about what happened inside of our own homes than outside of them, society would be a happier place for all of us.”

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