This comment if by wellokaythen on the post “What’s a Guy to Do?“
“I’ve noticed that many of the SAHD’s portrayed on the GMP are shown as heroic figures or even a “new kind of masculine role model.” For me that’s sort of a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the definition of male role model seems to be expanding to encompass a variety of roles. A man can be secure in his masculinity (if that’s important to him) and be in a childcare and/or homemaking role.
On the other hand, the bad news is that these men are taken as heroic because there’s a larger perception that they’re “beating the odds” somehow, or that they’re singlehandedly thwarting all the stereotypes directed against them. They take on heroic status because they’re assumed to be some sort of underdog. It would be great if one day SAHD’s stopped being seen as heroes. It would be great if they weren’t underdogs anymore. It would be great if some day there were virtually no distinction between stay-at-home moms and dads, and we mostly just talked about stay-at-home parents.
These men’s heroic status kind of reinforces all the obstacles they face. Let’s actually find a way to make it so that being a SAHD requires LESS heroism.”
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photo: babasteve / flickr
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It is just a matter of time – and is already happening. We are moving rapidly into a matriarch and masculinity is increasingly seen as a negative thing (at least in men). People will see men as the natural caregivers as women continue to move forward in careers and education. The change in perception you are asking for will come as a result of those factors. And more and more men will choose not to pursue careers, so staying at home with the children will be seen as the ‘norm’. Read “The End of Men” and you can see the… Read more »
Well said. As a SAHD myself, I’ve experienced that weird feeling of either a direct or indirect compliment about some parenting I’ve done, mixed with that weird thing that it shouldn’t seem unusual enough to draw attention, and almost surely wouldn’t if was (or when it is) my wife in the same circumstance. For example, I went out to a restaurant once with my dad and twin daughters when they were still maybe a year old, so I was doing stuff you’d expect with young twins in a restuarant…getting them from stroller to high chairs, putting plastic mats on the… Read more »
Sounds like great examples of the phrase “backhanded compliment.” When it’s somewhat malicious I think it’s called a “complinsult.” In the story you told their statements seemed to be intended as a compliment, but they just didn’t quite see things from your perspective. For example, “she’s very good at math for a girl.” “He’s such an articulate black man.” “Don’t let the tattoos fool you. He’s actually a nice guy.” “You’re very pretty for a lesbian.” One of the older couple was a man, right? I’m curious what was going through his mind when he complimented you on your childcare… Read more »