This is a comment from Sarah on “Sex Makes Us Happy: A Modern Man’s Advice On Being Happy At Home“
From a women’s perspective I think you are spot on, but I’d like to add something to what you have written.
See, it’s not actually the dishes and the nappy changing that gets us excited, it’s feeling appreciated and valued and loved. If you want to improve your relationship (including sex) you need to identify your wife’s love language and speak it constantly. For some it is acts of service like helping out around the house, others it is verbal (being told they are loved), and others it is physical (back rub, holding hands, being near) – or it could be different again.
I think the most important thing we can do for our spouse and for our marriage is not to ask ‘what do I want and need?’, but ‘how can I be a better spouse?’ – all the rest will follow.
Photo—FrozenCapybara/Flickr
Sarah, you make a good point. I agree that it’s different things that make different people feel loved and appreciated. If you come to understand what makes your partner tick, things will be much easier. No amount of gifts – small or big – are going to take you to relationship heaven if your partner does not have “gift giving” as a key element in their love language. Ditto doing favours etc.
And of course, that goes for men and women alike.
Just need to remember that men need this also. It is often one of the first things to be lost after a couple has kids, yet the pain of that loss can reverberate down through the years of child-rearing till almost all connection between the parents is gone. Sadly a common occurrence these days.