These are comments by Matthew, Frank, Jeff Roth on the post “I Am a Highly Sensitive Man”.
Matthew said:
Thanks for writing this. I’ve always felt like I am an extreme minority. It was very nice to hear how someone shares the exact same feelings I do. When you were describing how you feel, how situations can be difficult, how you perceive things as more profound and/or deep than others, etc., this could have been written by me. Thanks again.
Frank said:
Thank you for your courage to write about an important topic that really resonates with me. While I still struggle with being hurt constantly because of my sensitivity, I have now embraced my sensitivity as a great asset which has served me well as I have responded to the hurts and needs of others.
Jeff Roth said:
I thought you should know, your article changed my life. I’d been exposed to the HSP idea before, and the book had sat on my shelf, and I did nothing with it for 2 years. Now I’ve come across understanding again, and delved into it, and it explains myself to me. No longer must I be victim and prey to allowing people who are unlike me to take advantage of me. Before I didnt know my boundaries, or my needs around boundaries, because I didn’t “get” who and what I am.
Now that I see it and know it, I’m not at conflict with it, and i can take care of myself around it effectively. I’m really looking forward to thrive. Thank you so much for posting this article. I especially was taken by the photo that accompanies the article. That drew me in in some mysterious way. Good choice.
Photo credit: Flickr / MSVG
Joan.
Tough leaning on somebody who isn’t a rock. And since one’s lean need can’t be predicted, the leanee has to be prepared pretty much all the time. Going all limp spaghetti might not take care of things as needed.
Adrian, In her defense I’ve read some her posts and she’s pretty savvy about guys and feelings. I’m sure she was acknowledging my post.
We all get insecure. There’s this weird expectation today that men are ‘supposed’ to be stoic, emotionless rocks. No offense to public opinion, but I wouldn’t want a date or mate a stoic emotionless rock…that doesn’t sound appealing. Personally, I expect people to have up days and down days, laugh, cry, worry, especially in this rapidly changing world. And if we can’t lean on our partners, friends, or family for emotional support who can lean on?
There’s a stereotype about sensitive (or at least introverted) people that they are less secure somehow, more fragile in their personalities, lacking in confidence, etc. I think that the people who can’t stand peace and quiet, who can’t stop talking, who can’t spend time alone, and who feel the need to fill every waking minute with other people are the ones who are insecure. They seem to be afraid to be by themselves or afraid of quiet. To me there seems to be something wrong with someone who says “it’s too quiet around here.” I tend to associate extraversion with… Read more »
I agree with you wellokaythen, but (rhetorically-prompted by you but not directed at you) your distinction has me wondering what is so wrong with being insecure? I know it’s not especially attractive in either sex, but it’s an emotion or a combination of emotions that need validation too. Of course insecure people are often hypersensitive to criticism in general, so having that exposed often leads, at least implicitly, to more…………criticism.
Good question. I’ll have to do some thinking out loud on this one: Maybe I’d make a distinction between regular ol’ unavoidable human insecurity and destructive, unnecessary insecurity. For example, if someone is basically incapable of spending any time alone, I’d say that is pretty deep insecurity about something. Any sense of insecurity which really hampers your independence or your individual self is a really bad kind of insecurity. Similarly, I see a difference between 1) seeking out other people because you enjoy spending time with other people, and 2) compulsively seeking out other people in fear of being alone… Read more »
Matthew, Frank, Jeff…Thanks for speaking out and sharing your perspectives. Quite frankly, I’d be careful labeling yourselves as HSP, pigeon-holing yourself into categories, or assuming something is wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with a man having feelings. Men and women have feelings and emotions, period. Emotions are human…women do not corner the market on emotions (although it often appears that way) Unfortunately men today are trying to hide feelings and trying to live up to some illusive stereotype of an ‘insensitive jerk’. Which is another stereotype and label: men are not ‘insensitive jerks’ either… Let’s the record straight: men… Read more »
Quite frankly, I’d be careful labeling yourselves as HSP, pigeon-holing yourself into categories, or assuming something is wrong with you. Joan, as the author of the article to which these three men responded, I must confess to being perplexed by what you’ve said here. You seem to be equating a man’s recognition and identification of himself as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) with the conclusion or assumption that something is wrong with him, or as some sort of negative self-limitation. Nothing could be further from the truth, and I don’t know why anyone should “be careful”, as you put it,… Read more »
I’d like to thank these gentlemen once again, as well as everyone else who commented on my article, for sharing their thoughts, experiences, and insights. It’s been very gratifying to see that so many people have felt such a strong connection with what I wrote and found it helpful. These comments, like so many of the others, provide evidence that not only are Highly Sensitive Men all around us, but they are eager to be seen, understood, accepted, and appreciated so that they can more actively offer their unique gifts to a world that needs them. Folks who found my… Read more »