This comment was from Tom B. on the post “Close Call: My Brush with Suicide” by Tim Pylypiuk
“But shouldn’t the root of why a person wants to commit suicide be addressed first? I would’ve felt better if the validation for what I had been going through was met instead of being given the verdict of lock and key from the outset.”
First things first and that’s to identify the ideation as being the first concern. Once a person is no longer a threat to himself, then it’s time to address what got him to that point where he felt so down. But the sad reality is that with men in particular, society hasn’t addressed their mental health needs as they should. Feelings of hopelessness as well as helplessness enter the picture long before it reaches the point that the guys starts to look at suicide. Identifying those feelings and addressing them early on is vital for guys but they don’t do it.
I’ve known three guys personally that have followed through with their suicides and I have to tell ya, they sure as heck never let anyone know. All three appeared to be on top of their game but appearances are deceptive. There are so many things happening in mens lives that society just doesn’t have a clue. Men are great at hiding their feelings and accordingly, people can’t see what’s happening to them.
I work with adolescents in a residential facility and I can tell ya, a lot of these guys struggle with these feelings. “Hopelessness” plays a big role in how they feel. And these feelings are not exclusive to any socioeconomic group. We have what is called “MISA” (mental illness substance abuse) clients. What comes first? Substance abuse because of mental illness or mental illness that resulted in substance abuse? Unfortunately, we’re unable to deal with either because of the limits set for long term care (including out-patient). “Kid-care” which is a state program has a lot of limits so the efficacy of the programs are limited. A lot of work to be done in an unreasonable amount of time.
What it comes down to is what you said. Identifying the problem that brings guys to that place in their life.
Take care my friend … thanks again for sharing.
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Photo: familymwr / flickr
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Thanks for sharing. There are some really good points here. I would, however, contend that there are always warning signs of suicide. But, as stated, the signs are often hidden. Sometimes that’s because a person has made up their mind about completing suicide and doesn’t want to be dissuaded. Sometimes it’s because they are ashamed of thoughts of suicide. Keep in mind, that a person will often reveal partial signs to several people. Think of it as telling the same story to 5 different people. After awhile it’s difficult to remember exactly who you told what, but to you, the entire story has been told.
Luckily, we can learn to recognize these signs & symptoms – even us non-mental health professionals. There are amazing programs like Mental Health First Aid which are working to put this type of knowledge into the hands of regular folks like, teachers, nurses & public safety officers. You can learn more at http://mentalhealthfirstaid.org.
Thanks again for sharing. Keep erasing those stigmas!
Not alone,
Jake
Tom: “I’ve known three guys personally that have followed through with their suicides and I have to tell ya, they sure as heck never let anyone know. All three appeared to be on top of their game but appearances are deceptive. There are so many things happening in mens lives that society just doesn’t have a clue. Men are great at hiding their feelings and accordingly, people can’t see what’s happening to them.”
But there is always a reasoning behind why they hide their feelings accordinbly. Possibly having to do with being told they’re crazy for the root cause of their toxic discontent.
The case with me is that I didn’t want to deal with the hostile, vulgar environment of high school and high school kids. Nobody could understand what I meant, one assuming I’d soon grow into it. When the thoughts of suicide came under the same root cause, they just labeled me mentally ill. Nobody bothered to even look at the root cause. Obviously, failing to conform is a mental illness having a problem with the high school environment at the time gets you close to lock and key care.
It’s just infuriating that such a valid reason made me mentally ill in the first place. Did every teenager have to a be cursing, sex-starved, hormonally imbalanced individual? What about those like me who didn’t fit the label? Those were my thoughts at the time, my struggles.
If my mom hadn’t given me the validation I sought and the doctor’s did lock me up, I would’ve remained tight lipped about my feelings too.
Jacob: “Sometimes that’s because a person has made up their mind about completing suicide and doesn’t want to be dissuaded. Sometimes it’s because they are ashamed of thoughts of suicide. Keep in mind, that a person will often reveal partial signs to several people.”
There are those also whom have tried to express their feelings, their root cause, only to be told they’re overreacting, crazy, or shouldn’t worry about anything in the first place. Then it leads to being labeled a danger to themselves or others.
While I understand it’s best to recognize the signs of suicide, I think it’d be doing a great disservice to the individual if we didn’t treat their feelings or root causes with the same attention, locking them up with a label rather than acknowledging their what generates their worth as a lost cause.