This was a comment by Assman, on a previous Comment of the Day: “You Can Redistribute Money but You Can’t Redistribute Looks.”
My view is that dating success if fundamentally proportional to the number of women you approach and talk to. The higher the number the better. Looks help but I know guys better looking than me who do a lot worse and conversely. Generally the guys who complain the most about being rejected by tonnes of women, being beta males and no girls wanting them are simply guys who don’t go after enough women.
And the guys I know who are most successful generally have a combination of a few attributes
1) they talk to tonnes of women of all shapes, sizes and looks
2) they are extremely friendly, very easy to talk to and very nice. When they talk to girls they are good listeners
3) they dress well, are well groomed and are generally physically attractive though not necessarily very good looking
4) they are RELENTLESS and very persistent
5) they can often dance well and are in good physical shape
6) They go out a lot, have a lot of friends, go clubbing, dancing frequently
None of them are very dominant in an alpha male sort of way but they are very social. Almost all the qualities that are possible to attain. I suggest the following:
1) Meet more people. Signup to meetups on meetup.com. Meetup has single groups, language groups, polyamory groups….tonnes of groups. You can meet plenty of people. Go to university clubs, associations. There are tonnes of events that go on everyday in a reasonably large city (I live near Toronto). Go online and find out about events, parties etc in your neighbourhood. Talk to people at work, at school and make friends. Get a social circle. It’s easier done than said. You just have to make an effort.
2) Exercise…weightlifting is probably best. HIIT is good too. Exercise is probably the most important suggestion because it will improve your mood. And for most guys who can’t meet women, their depressed mood is the biggest reason they have problems.
3) Signup to Eharmony. Be aggressive in getting dates…don’t waste too much time in online messaging.
4) Dress well. If you don’t know how get a girl to help, get a magazine like GQ or just watch people in the mall to see what fashions are current.
5) Ask girls out. Ask for their numbers. Tell them they are beautiful. They are cute. Show interest. Listen to them. Talk to them.
6) Learn Salsa. This is a double plus because you learn a skill and meet women who you can ask out. Later you can go to Salsa clubs and dance with women.
7) Find a guy who is good with women and see what he does
8) BE RELENTLESS. Most important thing. If you do this for anything in life you will succeed.
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(sorry for the late respons, I’m still figuring out my way around this website…) And I just flat out state that what you imagine is wrong. I’m rarely faced directly by a woman, much less touched, and most of the times when I’m around they make excuses to be with someone else or turn their attention away as soon as opportunity rises. Everything what you describe that lots of women supposedly are doing to me that I’m oblivious to, are things that happens so rarely that I usually remember them for years afterwards, and even then they are usually done… Read more »
I’m an interested and avid dancer since more than 15 years. (Not salsa, but other forms of couples-dancing that are quite popular around here) I partake in my friends’ family lives, often accompanying their kids with public school days, homework, and spare time activities where I’m also sometimes engaged as a group leader and meet lots of other parents and get lots of appreciation for what I do with the kids. I have and have always had and partaken in several outdoor types of interests and hobbies. (Since you wrote an advice somewhere else to “get out and get a… Read more »
I would guess that you are not noticing it when women send you “obvious” signals that they are interested. I can imagine lots of women doing things like facing you directly, trying to flirt with you, making excuses to be around you, touching you in a way that you consider friendly, but they only do that to guys they want, ect… and you just carrying on obliviously (because all women behave like this to you), until they get disappointed then feel rejected and give up. I have been there, looking back, I think a majority of the women I used… Read more »
Eharmony? Eugh, I prefer okcupid.
Good advice on the rest of it though.
Ha. OKCupid is a nightmare. I can’t even get women to respond to me. It is very discouraging to send out hundreds of messages and not even get a “thanks but no thanks” reply. They don’t even look at my profile.
I am a bit worried about the be RELENTLESS …. If she says no, then respect that, and stop asking. If you mean relentless as in talk to a lot of women, and go out a lot, then I agree being relentless is a good idea. However. I have met most of the women that I have dated through friends, the trick is to have a lot of female friends. One of the ways to do this is to start learning to respect women, actually seeing them as equals, and not treating them like “girls”. But I am not an… Read more »
BE RELENTLESS means be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. It means you do what it takes to succeed. You don’t give up. In the case of women it means if you get rejected you pick yourself up and you move on to the next girl. It also means something more to me….it means focus. You focus on what you want and on the best strategy for getting it. You think about it intelligently. You don’t give up. Most guys aren’t specifically interested in one girl, they just want a girlfriend. In that case its all a numbers game.
Mike, Good, gentlemanly comments. I have a lot of women friends, gay and straight. They have not tried to hook me up, and you must be a pretty spectacular guy if some women are doing that for you. If a woman tries to get a female friend together with a guy, the friend will gauge how the matchmaker feels about them by the guy she hooks him up with. If the guy is not so handsome, or lacking in other ways, what do you think that says about the woman he is being set up with? Not paranoia. I have… Read more »
They are not hooking me up explicitly. For example in the last week or so, some female friends from work decided to go for a drink, and invited me along. They also invited some of their friends who I didn’t know, so I ended up meeting some new women, and being introduced as a cool friend of a friend, not as some random guy in a bar. I went sunbathing for an hour during my lunch break, with my house-mate, she brought another woman from her work too. However right now I am getting over some issues, and not really… Read more »
you have to meet them before you can respect them <_<
Lol, meeting is kinda essential.
porn is cheaper.
assman, Thanks for your kind advice! I don’t know if you read my last post on the original essay, which I posted before you put his one up, but it described a pretty typical weekend night for me, and seemed to cover a lot of the things you listed here. I don’t know how Eharmony might be different in Canada, but my experiences with dating sites in the US have been universally horrible, including an e-mail from a woman that I corresponded with briefly but never met, who suggested that we could get a great thing going on if I… Read more »