“Moving away from what isn’t working is just another way of creating the best sex possible.”

This is a comment by Joanna Schroeder on the post “10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Porn“.

“Roger, there is a lot of brilliance happening here. I think what resounded for me most is the idea that ‘no’ is as much a part of great sex as ‘yes’. And I don’t mean that in a ‘No means No’ sort of way. It’s about the way two people, when they come together, form a unique act based upon the yes-es, no-s, pushes, pulls, noises and flushes. For a person to move their partner’s hand away from something that isn’t working is just another way of building the best sex possible, and that’s not something you see in porn. It’s all for the camera, and so that sense of melting into what makes the other happy just simply goes away.

“In porn, the woman’s job is to be pleased, to act pleased, and so I worry about all these young people who will grow up with so much porn accessible to them. The girls may get the false idea that men like wild, aggressive, sex—and that they’ll like it ALL the time with absolutely no boundaries, and the boys may learn that women like a whole bunch of acrobatics that don’t usually lead to pleasure for most women. When one or both partners first says, ‘no’ or ‘not right now’ or ‘I don’t like that’ or ‘do it like this, instead’, the other may feel really hurt because there’s no foundation for real communication about what works … Because it’s always supposed to work … Like it does in porn.”

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