“My first year of marriage sucked. People expect what they see on TV and marriage is no exception.”

This is a comment by Tom B on the post “What Marriage Isn’t“.

Tom B said:

First year of my marriage sucked. My wife had this fantasy as to what marriage would be like. She had the proverbial rose colored glasses on and when she took them off, it was completely different. We worked at it and 38 years later, I can’t see my life with anyone else.

Let’s face it, people base what they expect in life on what they see in movies and TV. Just like people thought living in Manhattan with friends (the TV show Friends) was attainable when most of the time the friends were struggling financially and often times unemployed. How many people strived to live like the people on Friends?

Marriage is no different. How it’s portrayed in movies and sitcoms isn’t realistic. I will admit that my expectations were somewhat more grounded in that I came from an intact family with a variety of issues. Being the youngest of 7, I was exposed to real life issues for many years that people don’t see in movies. The day to day doldrums, the generation gap between me and aging parents. These were all issues directly related to our household.

Marriage is what we make it, it should never be what we see others have or what people may think it should be. It is what it is. It’s what we make it. To say that romance is as strong 38 years later, I would be telling a lie. Is there romance? Yes but 38 years later, romance isn’t as important as our just being together.

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Comments

  1. FlyingKal says:

    Let’s face it, people base what they expect in life on what they see in movies and TV.

    If so, then why are people having these rose-coloured glasses about marriage? When TV is busy 24/7 spewing out so-called sit-“coms” showing nothing but marriages full of resentment and degrading behaviour between the spouses,

  2. Tom B and your dearly beloved, Congratulations on 38 years!

    I came from a divorced home, so I had no illusions or fairy tales that prince charming, TV, or bride magazines were real life. Divorce teaches kids about marriage the hard way, more than any TV show ever will. Divorce taught me that marriage is about giving and serving to another’s life. And yes, at first it sucks to put someone else’s needs before your own. But then you soon realize that by giving to someone else you get filled too. But that is life, that’s people, and that’s unconditional love. Bear in mind, I’m 43 and never married, and I don’t fear marriage. Because I learned, single-life takes a lot of effort. Marriage takes a lot of effort. People take a lot of effort, but that’s life. Like you said, it’s what you make of it and what you put into it!

  3. I like this comment overall, but do people really set their expectations of marriage on tv shows, rather than their parents, relatives, friends, etc. seems hyperbolic. To me

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