This is a comment by Arium on the post “On Withholding Sex“.
“I’ve seen a lot of skepticism about communications in the comments, often in the form of “What good would that do?” You might be surprised.
“My wife’s libido dropped as she reached perimenopause, at the same time as mine was seemingly as strong as ever. But we want to make our relationship work, so we communicate and brainstorm for solutions.
“Some things that we’ve tried have helped, and some not so much. The most effective approach we found was to schedule sex. It turns out that anticipation has been key to boosting her desire. This has helped her libido–sometimes she is even eager when the time comes, something that hadn’t happened in a long time.
“Sticking to the schedule is not an obligation, however. If she is too tired, or otherwise doesn’t think she will enjoy herself, we put it off until tomorrow. Sometimes she will cuddle with me while I masturbate.
“Of course there are certain factors that are important to this progress: She recognizes the importance of sex. (If we have something important to discuss that we think might distract the other person, we save it for afterword.) She actually likes sex, she just often takes some effort to get into the mood. Etc.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Walt Stoneburner