This comment was from Archy in reply to Zorro on the post “In Defense of Storytelling.”
“I believe the people who’ve really been burned by women whether from failed marriages, rape or sexual assault etc are too jaded to see beyond their own pain and anger. It is easy to recognize the ones on here who carry grudges and ill-will towards the opposite sex because of some horrible (likely isolated) experience they’ve had. That is tragic. This is tragic for mankind. ”
I see the reverse in many women, I can sense their pain but I also feel bad for them that they are jaded. I once was jaded against women too until I met some amazing women of all ages who taught me an extremely important lesson – We are individuals and vary so much.
I’ve met good and bad men, women, jaded, bitter, you name it both have had it. I’ve known feminists who were so caught up in stats and jaded that they cried butwomengetitworse, to the point the men’s pain didn’t matter at all (and seen some mra’s do the same in reverse).
Woman hating, Man hating, all this hate. There’s no good men, no good women, all men cheat, all women cheat, men are rapists, women are rapists, these generalizations I hear so much from people really have annoyed me and I try to understand what they see that makes them believe this. I think truly that most have had a very impacting experience, a rape or being cheated on that the bad guy/girl starts to become that gender as a whole, they probably tunnel vision by a thought growing in their mind seeing a gender as bad and they will actively take notice of this and ONLY see the bad men, or the bad women.
Mediahound could probably tell me what this is in psychology, I did the same for quite a while in seeing only the negative in the world and ignoring the positive. For me it was based on age, women over 40 were always nice to me but girls my age during high school and a while after…well many were quite evil and they stuck in my memory, it wasn’t until I met some awesome women around my age who broke 2 assumptions I had, women my age were evil, and beautiful women were bitchs (due to the popular girls in school being such). I knew some totally beautiful women who were absolutely sweet, nice, loving caring women (which made them a whole new level of beauty) that I realized it wasn’t something superficial like age or beauty that makes someone mean, it’s far more complex and it’s impossible to look at someone and judge them as good hearted, bad hearted.
These jaded people need to see the people they fear, they need to understand that the really special person in your life isn’t representative of all of their gender, race, etc, and it’s silly to assume they do. If you feel this, take the time to truly look around, ask your friends, relatives, talk to them and find out what they are like. Don’t be like me and ignore the good people, I didn’t take much notice of the not so popular girls who some were very nice, I didn’t even notice the nice girls in the popular group because I had already made up my mind based on a few experiences. Open your eyes and I guarantee you will find good in what you think is the “enemy.” I really wish feminists and mra’s would do this!
—Photo KLHint/Flickr
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Great comment!
Lulz, I should hope nobody is a representative of the entire gender. As a genderqueer person, I have only met 1 other in meatspace, and am in regular contact with about 50 online. The chances are very high that of such a small population, I’d be the one randomly chosen to represent all GQs on the planet, and I certainly am not perfect!
Nice work, Archy!
Archy, thank you for speaking so well for so many.
I like to write but I don’t always express myself so well. I think that you are correct in your thoughts. Thanks. I do feel that the world in approaching a tipping point. The days of women bashing men and men bashing woman are coming to an end. What I mean to say is that it no longer necessary for persons to belittle the opposite sex to feel acceptable and confident. Equality is a popular standard. Sure, we will always have inequality and we need to fight to abolish any such mentality but the world needs to turn its efforts towards lifting and supporting the opposite sex and celebrating our difference. If not, we will all suffer.
The author wants to stop gender bashing, but then, he quotes someone who says “mankind” in the so-called generic. I was deeply offended and felt very bashed as a woman.
“Mankind” is a very offensive term because it implies that the male is the gold standard of humanity.
If you really want to end gender bashing, call the human race “humankind.”
You would probably be very offended if I called the human race “womankind.”
Apologies for that. I use man in 2 forms, 1 relating to a gender and the other relating to all humans. I viewed it as having woman, and man could mean saying mankind would encompass both. I’ll try to use humankind from now on, if I make a mistake please catch me out on it.
Thanks for the feedback.
My 11 year old son is navigating the potential minefield of middle school (he is in 6th grade right now and loving it)…he knows everybody since nursery school and has several good friends inside and outside of school…he can tell the difference between good kids and bad kids…he tells me about the weird and dumb things that certain kids do…he tells me who he likes and who he doesn’t like…but he doesn’t paint all girls one way and all boys another way…He doesn’t buy into gender stereotypes because he just knows kids as individuals…I try to warn him how mean some kids can get later on in junior high and high school and how some people change when they try to fit into popular cliques and get mean and exclusive….He tells me not to worry and that he has no desire to hang out with mean, evil people…He says he knows how to tell who his friends are and who really loves him….I have to say that I am impressed with how mature-sounding he is already…
Great column…and, yes, let’s try to keep the stories personal and specific….my son is a great kid and very sweet and sensitive….and he still has much to learn from us adults….and he doesn’t like it when the adults shout and argue rudely with each other…my husband and I are trying to teach him the best we can about how he can be the best person he can be…it’s an important discussion….he is listening to all of you…
Thank-you everyone for the comments, I’m quite stunned it made comment of the day :O
I just speak of the world as I see it and I am constantly learning, observing, and experiencing new and wonderful things in life. I’m really glad that it’s helping others and hope others can let go of the gender wars and unite for a common good.
Here, here! Very good post!
I join. It was and with me. Let’s discuss this question. Here or in PM.