This is a comment by jemima101 on the post “A Single Man’s Adoption Story“.
jemima101 said:
“A beautiful post about stereotype ideas of what makes a parent help no one, men, women or children. I have written many times of the children lost because society assumes that women are born with the ability to care and nurture, the flip side of the sexist clap trap that made you jump through hoops to do something you are clearly cut out for.
“It also reminds me of something one of my partners wrote recently (I am non-monogamous) ‘Does Mark Kennedy wake up at that point in the night where absent dads in empty houses imagine they’ve heard a child’s colicky whimper?’ It made me cry in its honesty and beauty.
“People tend to assume men do not yearn, do not carry that boundless love that is all powerful, and when it comes down to it that love is all children really need.
“Your son is blessed to have such a parent, and I hope you bring attention to the underlying prejudices in the whole adoption process.”
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About the Editors
That’s crazy. Why would anyone assume such a thing about men? Of course we have feelings, yearnings and desires. We are not emotional numskulls. Thanks for writing this. Please communicate it also to anyone else who can’t see the obvious, that men have feelings and yearnings and great love in their heart.
Blah! Feelings and emotions are not enough. An Illusion will remain an illusion no matter how much you feel and think it. Feelings and thoughts alone is not enough… even love.
It reminds me of my parents. They say that they love me but all they show me is their disdain, their disappointment, their anger. When I do something to make them appreciate me, their ignore me. They know how I feel (lonely, unloved), but instead of showing me that they love me and ease my loneliness, they ridicule my to their friends within my hearing. They say they loved me but all I feel is pain, loneliness, despair, wanting and helplessness. How many times have I retreat in a corner and cried for their callous treatment. How many times had I longed that they would appreciate me, that they would smile at me, that they give me their attention. How many times I wished I was gone or not born or dead. Even now I still feel the pain that they had given me.
“It made me cry in its honesty and beauty.” – and how worthless those tears are. Shedding tears for the poor, for the ill fortuned, for the tragedies of the world do nothing but wet your cheeks. Spare me from such meaningless tears. There are millions of them that have been shed and they helped not a soul.
“People tend to assume men do not yearn, do not carry that boundless love that is all powerful, and when it comes down to it that love is all children really need.” – You are dreaming. So what if you have these boundless and powerful love and yearning you talk about? They won’t matter if you don’t show them. They wont matter if you don’t follow to their promise. I surely don’t want them if it having them will make me live a life of pain and suffering.
In the end, your love is meaningless if your promise spout out of your mouth and then your hands held a dagger that stab our hearts.