“Saying men only shack up because of sex or 1950’s reasoning reduces men to mere sex objects.”

This is a comment by ogwriter on the post “Breaking News from Fox columnist: Women aren’t Women Anymore“.

Alice originally said:

“Men aren’t going to be as interested in marriage because they get everything they want outside of marriage. I think ‘shacking up’ is the new marriage for men. Guys want someone to move in, have sex with them, cook and clean for them, who can be thrown up pretty easily. In all fairness, is there not a group of men who complain that American women are too masculine (and that’s why they marry foreign women)?”

ogwriter wrote:

“”I agree with you that men have figured out that they can get what they need without getting married, but probably for different reasons than yours. The belief that men only want a woman that will clean for him, cook for him, etc, is a bit 1950’s.

“I think that especially on this site men have very clearly articulated, with respect and deference to the feelings of women, some significant problems that need to be addressed along side issues that women have about men. The mistake in reducing this problem to one of sexuality or the desire for men to have sex, and have someone wait on them is somewhat regressive and ignores the voices of men who are saying something different altogether.

“Additionally, this line of reasoning reduces men to the value of a mere sex object. Your point of view also fails to acknowledge that women are different and many of them don’t want to get married either. Most divorces are initiated by women, especially older women. Why no complaints about that? Women have been saying for 40 years now, that they don’t need men, right? Women openly discuss whether men are even necessary. So, considering the aforementioned, if women actually want men, I would think that some might understand if that message seems vague and ambiguous and why some men are confused and exhausted in trying to figure to out what is real. That confusion and exhaustion is manifest in a reluctance to get too involved.”

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  1. Regular sex and physical intimacy is the MOST important reason why a man wants to shack up.
    It is not the only one though.

    Shacking up / marriage is the ONLY way for MOST men to obtain regular convenient sex and physical intimacy.

  2. wellokaythen says:

    What’s with all the hostility out there about men wanting sex? I’d like to see some respect for sexual desire on its own terms. Even if the desire to have sex is a major motivation in a man’s live, there’s no reason to treat that as a horrible thing. It’s not necessarily primitive, immature, or regressive to make relationship decisions on the basis of sexual goals. Far from it. And, it makes no sense to contrast sexual fulfillment and other things that a man may want out of a relationship – why set up sex as incompatible with all other desires in life?

    Meanwhile, in many cases sex is not actually the ultimate goal but a means to an end. Even a man who seems to be overly obsessed with sex may actually be searching for the things that a fulfilling sex life can give you. (Nothing wrong with having great sex as a goal in and of itself, of course.) It may be a beginning and not an end point.

    As for looking for someone who will clean and cook for you, I think that’s relatively low on the list of us men who have practiced “shacking up” instead of or before getting married. More accurate to say that we are attracted to the idea of having a “good roommate” as part of our intimate companionship. Much of the desire for someone to cook and clean is probably indirect, like being attracted to someone who is different from you – messy people attracted to tidy people. That doesn’t mean that the messy person deep down is just looking for a maid.

  3. I do have to wonder why there has to be so much discussion of men and marriage and if men want marriage any more.

    ‘shacking up’ is the new marriage and it’s male centric? Yippey – men are shacking up with men and my market share as a queer guy just got massive! Can I have a Brad Pitt Clone please?

    ‘shacking up’ does take two – so it is odd for a woman to write about it and negate and diminish any female participation and of course “Agency” when it comes to Upping that Shack.

    I could be crude and just recommend that the ladies cross their legs and hold out until the shacks are off the table and only well constructed urban dwellings circa 1950 are on offer – but of course to say that would be seen as regressive and even sexist – so I won’t recommend it as a course of action.

    I mean – marriage is not about being nice and having a garden with the right car in the driveway – it’s a legal contract which addresses community property rights…. oh and that Responsibility thing.

    I wasn’t aware that so many US women wanted to discuss property rights and responsibilities under contract – and that given shacks are seen as bad for appreciation on investment and 1950’s chocolate boxes are better, I can see why they would want to discuss marriage so much more than men. I can see why some would be so upset if there is no real way to stop the shack building unless they actually take responsibility for their construction and put down the hammer. P^)

    • Mike Russo says:

      Boom. The humor in this made me almost love you enough to go gay just for you…ALMOST. To continue your wordplay, you really hit the nail on the head! You really…Hammered that one home? BAHAHAHA Thank you I’ll be here till Thursday. Try the veal!

  4. Hooray for sexism…../sarcasm

    • Mike Russo says:

      Right? Fuck that shit. I’ve dated 3 women in the last 6 years, and if I left any of them in my kitchen alone for the time it takes to take a dog for a walk, there would be no apartment left when I got back. I don’t even let my mom cook for me or in my kitchen at all. She always uses the utensil caddy as a spoon. It drives me insane. What makes you think I need someone to cook my meals?

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