This is a comment by Bob on the post “Call Me a Good Dad and I’ll Spray You with the Hose“.
Bob says:
“I got this all the time when my little ones were truly little and what I couldn’t stand also was how thin was the razor’s edge from unwelcome fawning praise to sneers and outright unsolicited intervention.
“Example: Walking my baby (completely bundled up) strapped to the front of me to the grocery store in colder weather under my coat so we can get food because that was the only way to get to the store to get food elicited ridiculous praise from the cashier.
“Five minutes later walking home, it starts to rain (I am prepared with an umbrella) and a woman drives up alongside asking, ‘How can you do this to this poor child?’ And pleading frantically with me to get in her car. As if getting in a car with a stranger is okay just because she happens to be a woman. And letting her drive me and my baby home without a car seat? Not in my world. We walked the rest of the way and we were both warm and dry the whole time.
“If I were a mom, neither situation would have been a judgement upon my parenting, but in the case of a father there is not just judgement but overly weighted judgement in either direction.”
Photo credit: Flickr / dickdotcom
@The ladies: I am a single father and was a SAHD 27 years ago. I have helped raise three children into adulthood (ages 27, 25 and 21) in one of the more challenging urban environments in the country’ Oakland California. Reading your comments is disappointing because, even though I know they are well intended, they are not as comforting and supportive as you would like to think. For instance, Amy you write that mums go through the same thing as Dads, when it comes to people giving advice about to care for the baby. This may be the case some… Read more »
The reason it was so infuriating was that it came not five minutes after the cashier gushed over me for simply having my baby strapped to my chest while shopping. Both reactions were equally idiotic in my book. And there were many others. Simply feeding my baby in public elicited squeals of joy. But if he spit up, I would often be barraged with advice, as if spitting up wasn’t a thing that babies do! And since no one is mentioning the elephant in the room either on this thread or the original post, I will. Men never made these… Read more »
Men offer unsolicited advice on other things.
I think unsolicited advice is universal 😉
Also, that reaction is idiotic. You had an umbrella, baby was bundled. Also, I agree that in any universe a little cold is way better parenting that a car with a stranger and no car seat. People are so dumb sometimes.
My favorite is the “oh, you’re babysitting?” Hell no. Mom doesn’t ‘babysit’ neither does Dad. But I agree, Dad gets props just for being there. I had a man once tell me I was “lucky” that my guy was still in the picture. No I’m not. I picked a good man and we got married and we’re staying that way. We’re not “lucky” for that series of events, we work darn hard at it.
I think you will find that this does actually happen to Mums, too.
When my babies were little I was told off on a hot day for not having socks on them. Told off for letting the 6 mth old use a dummy (pacifier) as his teeth would be crooked, told off letting them climb or splash in fountains as toddlers etc etc. The only thing mums don’t get is the accolades for just being a mum. That’s something reserved for Dads alone. ie: ‘You’re such a good Dad taking your child to the park!’
I agree here, too. My youngest will NOT wear shoes unless forced and even as an infant, people would say, “He needs socks! How could you not have socks on him!” And I’d say, “maybe your baby keeps socks on, but mine doesn’t.”
Rudeness is universal, to some degree.
There’s so much classism leveled at you in this story, too. Is walking to the store, even in the rain, really so bad that it verges on abuse?
It’s total classism.
Fact is, my kids would rather have been strapped to me in a Bjorn or Ergo, under an umbrella, than in the car any day. Many (if not most) babies feel the same way.