“The thing about infidelity is that sometimes the affair feels ‘truer’ to the cheater than the marriage.”

Wellokaythen posits that people can rationalize lies in their marriage, especially in cheating, because they feel like it’s more “themselves” or that the other person just understands them better. Until it catches up with them and the lies are exposed.

This is a comment by wellokaythen on the post “Why Do We Live With Lies in Marriage?“

The paradox about infidelity is that sometimes the affair feels “truer” to the cheater than their marriage, or the cheating person feels “like I can really be me” when with the outside person. Sometimes the cheating spouse rationalizes the affair by saying that the affair is a “real relationship” and the marriage relationship is a lie. Ironically, someone who’s having an affair may be constructing this whole web of lies because he thinks he’s protecting something that feels truer. Until it explodes in his face, of course, when Truth with a Capital T opens a can of whoopass.

Sometimes people wrap themselves up in lies, not because they’re pathological but because they’re afraid to look at the truth of their own lives, especially the hard truth about a relationship that’s having a hard time. The affair may be just one result of an even larger problem, which is being out of touch with reality.

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