This comment was from Transhuman on “When women fear men.“
“But other times, an admission of fear at the start quickly turns into anger — and then that wall goes up again.”
The times I have truly been afraid, I have deliberately translated fear into anger – these are times when I thought another person was about to harm me physically, usually another man but not infrequently drunk women. When I was in high school physical violence was not uncommon, and using fear to fight back was essential. What I find harder to discuss meaningfully is lesser versions of fear, I would described these occasions as heightened awareness or concern. When my (then) girlfriend wanted access to my credit card to pay her bills – I wasn’t “afraid” of her request, I was cautious, this was a situation that could get swiftly out of control with me holding the bill. When I’ve spoken about marriage it is with an eye to the problems I know it entails. I think “fear” is too generally applied, there are shades of it. I feel differently when someone comes at me with a weapon than when a girlfriend and I discuss moving in together.
In social situations, when I deliberately discuss things men supposedly fear, I note that assertion, even social aggression from men are mischaracterised as anger. I’ve been in conversations where some of the women describe a man’s refusal to agree with a women’s request as aggression, not the assertion that it actually is. I think this fear-anger-aggression issue is more complex than is realised, I think it is also misused. Sometimes I believe the general idea of fear is used to manipulate.