This is a comment by Jon D on the Comment of the Day: “The problem nice guys have is they put women on pedestals and themselves in a pit.”
“Some people, men and women alike, allow complacency to erode their marriages and relationships. Imagine you have a job that you know you can never get fired from, with a boss who never holds you accountable for screwing up or failing to achieve your goals. You get no real incentive and the job basically stays the same. How hard are you going to work at that job? Not very.
“If you have a marriage like this, with a partner who never expresses their discontent OR their satisfaction with what you bring, the motivation to keep working on it will fade. It requires both partners to understand that they are equal. When 1 person fears losing the other too greatly, they will bite their tongue at times of discord, failing to point out the ways their partner has hurt them for fear that they will spurn them evermore and leave them alone, throwing away years of love and affection. If that person knows their partner harbors this great fear, it gives them a sense of power, that they can use that threat of abandoment, of leaving or of simply being angry, to their advantage.
“People who identify that power and seize it, ruthlessly elevating themselves above the other, are often those who lie, cheat, abuse and control partners. The ultimate defect of being ‘too nice’ is that it can convey to a toxic person that they posess this power over you, and this is what leads to nice guys feeling like they finish last. They simply wind up with people sometimes who exploit their niceness to further feed their own selfishness.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Mayr