This is a comment by James on the post “Why I Don’t Believe in the Domme Deficit“.
You make good points about the difference between tops/bottoms dommes/subs and the general lack of true submissives. With that said, I think one problem is that there are many “dommes” who are simply looking for subs to extract as much value for themselves as possible without recognizing and providing the other half of the relationship. As someone who is submissive in the sense that I LOVE doing things for other people, I love helping others, and I am always ready, willing, and able to help other people, I get taken advantage of a lot. I put the needs and happiness of others ahead of my own, and I am happy when they are happy. This makes me an easy mark for people who are less virtuous.
Many “dommes”—and I put it in quotes because I do not believe people who do this are true dommes—are simply out to find men who will do things for them. You see the demand for tributes, cash slaves, financial domination, and the like. Then there are people like me who love doing things for others, but feel lessened when they do something after being told to do it.
I feel that having someone tell you to do something and then doing it cheapens the value of doing it. When I do things for other people, I put a great deal of effort into finding out what they want and doing it without being told to do so. My favorite thing to do with friends and family is gifting. I love finding out exactly what the person wants without asking and then getting it for them! I will spontaneously gift just because I want to. I LOVE making other people happy.
There seems to be a lack of appreciation that submissive individuals have needs and desires. They are one side of a relationship and that both sides must contribute.
Photo credit: Flickr / FaceMePLS