This comment is by Spencer on the post Can Men Live Alone?
“Dating sites are loaded with men who list among their desires “cuddling on the sofa with a movie…” or similar.” – Ginger, Philadelphia
Yeah, I’ve been noticing this a bit. There are quite a few women that forever reason are trying desperately to flip the script by stereotyping men the way that women have been stereotyped, I guess it’s some way to reassure themselves. Ginger takes men putting in personals profiles that they want to cuddle and watch a movie as proof that men are more physically needy. I guess if she also comes across men saying they love to take a walk on the beach (assuming that’s what they believe women want to hear), then men love the beach more than women as well.
I was at a meeting a few weeks ago where we were discussing monogamy. An older woman kept insisting that men were really needy and wanted women to come home to, that they were lonely. A younger man kept trying to tell her that he didn’t want to settle down and was appreciating having his options to date different women – didn’t see any reason to dedicate himself to one yet. The older woman didn’t have anything to say. She just couldn’t deal with it – an actual man explaining that he wasn’t like that. She’d settled on her narrative about men – and would continue to see confirmation about it everywhere and ignore that which falsifies it.
This analysis is hardly new. Yes, us men are not supposed to have certain types of bonding outside of with our female partners. We’re not supposed to express certain emotions. But, women don’t want to accept their responsibility in this and their talk of “emotional cheating,” being jealous, and attempting to shame a man into giving attention to only her – not thinking of others, not being happy about things unrelated to her.
Too many blame the patriarchy, when most of what men pick up on how to act is through interactions and being told not only by men how to be, but also their significant others, or picking up on how their mothers speak about their fathers when they are absent.