“Why do you need a ‘Purity Ball’ to talk about sex with your daughters?”

These are comments by Lance, Kitti, Dawn on the post “Dance With Your Daughter, but Not for Purity“.

Lance said:

“Why do you need a “Purity Ball” to talk about these issues with your daughters? I have a 15 year old. Since she was 12, her mother and I have spoken with her about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. So far, she hasn’t gotten pregnant or been arrested.

“I’m wary of anything, church sponsored or not, that screams ‘LOOK AT WHAT GOOD PARENTS WE ARE.’ I dance with my daughters almost every day, when they let me. I also talk to them about the music they listen to, the boys and girls they hang with, and what constitutes good judgement.

“I’m not saying I’m the world’s greatest parent, because I’m far from it, but I don’t see the need to organize a Purity Ball to promote anything.”

Kitti said:

“Wow, what incredibly bad wording on Wilson’s pledge. For a father to ‘cover’ his daughter? ‘Cover’ is a term for breeding livestock. Wow.

“From what I have read, children who sign abstinence pledges are more likely to suffer unintended pregnancies. They feel too guilty about what they’re doing to think clearly. So they don’t consider the importance of using birth control/protection.

“Wilson says that girls are just ‘waiting to be loved.’ Well, quit making them wait. Love your kids; no gowns required.”

Dawn said:

“If fathers want to connect with their daughters, they should go outside and throw a baseball or kick a soccer ball. Also, placing emphasis on sexual purity only reinforces the idea that a girl is defined by her body, rather than taking the focus off sexuality.” 

More Comments of the Day

Read our commenting policy.

Photo credit: Flickr / Robynlou8

About the Editors

We're all in this together.


  1. I grew up in this “Purity Culture.” There is a very, very dark side.

    The idea that “the greatest gift a bride can give her husband is her virginity” really reduces the value of a girl to what is between her legs.

    And then you add in the “Dad” factor and things get really weird. In the name of protecting his daughter’s purity, a dad hyper-focused on her sexuality. All he sees when he looks at her is sex. It gets really, really messed up. I was one of the lucky girls who’s dad never touched her, but to this day there is a tense, sexual element to our relationship. As a teen I learned all his fetishes, and taught to assume all boys reacted the same. In the name of “protecting my purity” I was told not to bend over in his presence, because it “aroused his passions.” I was not to wear certain colors, certain facial expressions, or let my hips sway when I walked because these were “distracting to his virtue.” I could not wear my hair down or men’s thoughts would “drift toward immoral scenes and imagine your hair falling around them…”

    Oh, and there is also the thought that “wives dress to please their husbands, while daughters dress in a way that is pleasing to their fathers.” So cue more weird rules that “pleased” my dad… Skirts should be a modest length, but not touch the floor ; the ankle should show and should be covered with sheer hose, because he found this beautiful and pleasing. I should not leave the house without makeup, but should wear foundation, plumping lipgloss and mascara… because my dad found it beautiful and pleasing. Even my bras were selected on what he found pleasing!


    For me, my sister, and countless other young women raised in fundamentalist Christian circles, the Purity Movement actually robbed us of our purity! Purity Culture made my entire existence and worth revolve around my sexuality. When I was still more interested in building tree forts, hanging tire swings and catching tadpoles, I was forced to start become a sexual object.

    And for many, many of my silent fundie sisters, the fathers hyper-focusing on their daughter’s sexuality ends much worse.

  2. My parents never talked about sex with me. We were never allowed to watch sex scenes during movies and had to step out of the room. My mother and father have slept in different rooms since the day I was born. There is no love in our family and I’m starting to look for it elsewhere. Why me!!???!??!

  3. wellokaythen says:

    There are many kinds of purity. What about pure pleasure? Pure lust? Pure intimacy? Pure seductiveness? Pure sensuality? Pure longing? The purity of living in the moment?

    Honoring virginity is celebrating ignorance at the expense of knowledge.

  4. Hank Vandeburgh says:

    What’s “purity?” I never heard the term until I came here. I’m 67.

  5. I started talking to my kids about sexuality as before the age of 2. Other kids at preschool will tell AND show them if you don’t.

Speak Your Mind