“You can’t be attracted (or attractive) to everyone.”


This comment was from Web on the post “Curves (or Lack of Curves) Don’t Make the Woman.”

See, this is why I so love this site. It takes everything I’ve been thinking and lays it out in front of me, giving me a page to link to.

I’m going to say right off the bat I have a preference towards thinner women. Does that automatically exclude everyone else? Not necessarily. But you can’t be attracted (or attractive) to everyone. And I’m sick of my preference being demonized. I mean…I’m a thin guy. Does it not make sense for me to prefer my own body type? At least it’s not hypocritical.

I think it’s a misunderstanding as well. There are major cues women pick up on to tell what kind of a guy they’re looking at: It’s why they get all hot and bothered if a surfer says “hey, sexy”, but freak out and reach for the pepper spray if a short, skinny guy gives the same gesture. But people don’t have as much a problem with this. And this is much how my own attraction works. It’s about how their physical self relates to the big picture.


photo: tobyotter / flickr

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  1. I hear you on this. I’m a woman and I only go for thin men. I’m just not attracted to excess body fat on a man at all, and am always being called shallow by people for it. Always. Yet I’ve seen if someone says they don’t like people who are to thin no one says a word.
    I watch my weight, what I eat, and do some light exercise because I want to keep my body skinny, and I want a man that does the same. Who takes care of himself and doesn’t want to just let the pounds pile on. So if I’m going through these efforts to look nice, for me and for him, I want the same consideration.
    And personality is great and all, but the whole package for me also includes the shape you’re body is in. If I can’t find you physically appealing too, then it’s not going to work, no matter how nice of a guy you are. And man boobs/and or a spare tire hanging around your mid-section doesn’t fire me up to want to eventually see you naked.
    It’s never fun to get passed over by people because you don’t fall in their preferences, but that’s people and that’s life. And it seems the only people that get really upset when preferences are stated tend to be those who don’t fall in them.

    • This is a good anti-example of what I meant by hypocrisy, as Archy had just asked.

      Like you said, you want a man who puts the same consideration into his own well-being as you do. You aren’t entitled to more, and neither is he. Perhaps not always with a 1:1 correlation, but it’s hypocritical to want someone fit, or a health nut, or someone intelligent, unless you yourself are also fit, a health nut, or intelligent. You can’t expect more than you yourself give.

      But I run into this. Big bozos thinking big girls aren’t good enough for them. Dumb girls acting as though they’re “entitled” to a super-intelligent guy. It’s imbalanced: Plain and simple.

  2. How is it hypocritical for people to like a body type that is different to their own? Do muscly men need to like muscly women? Do fat men need to like fat women? White men need to like white women? I am an overweight male but I prefer petite or thin-medium women. If I was thin, I’d probably still like it, I didn’t ask for that desire but it just happened, I just have no desire for some women but a lot of desire for other women just like anyone else.

    I’ve known thin women who’ve loved big men, thin men who’ve loved big women, I’m sure you could find a couple in all pretty much all shapes, sizes, combo’s. Don’t be ashamed for liking whatever you like, there are no rules to say you need to stick to a specific body type, “number”, etc.

    • I didn’t elaborate much because I didn’t think it would end up as a “comment of the day” (thanks EDITORS!)

      Here’s what I mean: Take, say, large lady who can’t get off her butt and work out. Why should this girl expect to get a muscular, toned guy? I don’t pretend to know much about your weight, nor am I saying that you should change your standards, necessarily. What I’m saying, is that you have to be willing to become the person you’re attracted to. If I was a large guy who just expected girls to be thin, I would call that hypocritical.

      • I am a large guy who likes thin women, I don’t expect to get one though. I see a wide variety of body types in existence and I personally find thin-medium the hottest, I can hope to get a woman like that but I don’t EXPECT to get any women really. With my body type though I can lose the fat but I am 6’6 with quite a large frame, it’d still be 250lbs minimum I think and if I add more muscle then it could be higher.

        I like petite women for some reason, my cousin is similar size to me with a woman who’d be about 100-120lbs, quite short as well and they’re a great match. I believe though she is naturally petite, I have some friends who don’t work out and remain thin and others who work out but are quite big still. I think it’d be more of a problem to expect say a fitness fanatic or someone whos lifestyle has a lot of exercise if you don’t do much yourself, but you can have two people with similar exercise but one could be literally twice the other’s size.

        I believe we should ask out, attempt to date those who we like and not stay within narrow ranges, I’ve heard quite a few thinking 5’s should be with 5’s, 10’s with 10’s, fat with fat, thin with thin but why? I could understand a runner wanting to be with a runner, but bodies vary so much and have so many factors at play dictating looks, weight, etc that you can have overweight partners with very skinny partners for instance, bulky/muscle-bound ones with quite thin or “weak” partners, etc.

        I guess it all depends on what the other desires, I’ve heard women tell me a man of my size would make them feel safe and those women were quite small. Don’t expect anyone, but try your luck and ask out that woman/man you like.

  3. PursuitAce says:

    As a 51 year old male I can definitively say no woman has ever indicated that I was attractive. I’m sure there are lots of other men and women living the same situation. If you have found anyone who can tolerate your presence just make sure you’re appropriately thankful. Dealing with the fallout of continuous singleness is not something I would wish on anyone.

  4. I agree totally, I feel like women get more upset if men express preference for a certain body type or general look in a woman. I tend to enjoy just about every size and shape woman. But some more so than others. When men express this preference to women we do get demonized and shouted down as focusing too much on physical appearance and that we should be attracted to your personality first. That’s total crap. We’re all attracted physically first, so don’t tell me you are going to want to have sex with an unattractive person after you talked to them for a few weeks and discovered they have an amazing personality.
    Women get away with this kind of general sentiment that looks don’t matter as much for women to be sexually attracted to men. Or perhaps it is the exaggerated belief that looks matter so much more for men to be sexually attracted to women.
    Either way, you can’t fault someone for preferences. It doesn’t mean you are unattractive if one person finds you that way, that’s just one person’s opinion.

    • I’ve heard it said that’s because women are attracted to power more than beauty. But still I’m secure enough in myself that I can accept my place in the food chain and do my thing. I ain’t no billionaire and I don’t blame women for wanting to be with one.

      And to be honest I’ve been criticized by women for expressing my attraction to really sweet women. They’ll say something along the lines of “you must be intimidated by strong women who know what they want”

      Na I just like kind thoughtful people

      • “you must be intimidated by strong women who know what they want”
        Oh yeah the Strong Independent Woman. The woman that just knows the only reason guys aren’t jumping all over them is because they are intimidated by their strength and independence. She’s almost on the level of the Nice Guy that just knows the only reason women aren’t jumping all over them is because they don’t want niceness but want naughtiness instead.

        But of course as we see we are supposed to believe that the Strong Independent Woman really is the victim of men who can’t handle their power but Nice Guys aren’t as nice as they think they are. If you call out a STW you’re further punishing her for her success (and of course further oppressing her). If you call out a Nice Guy you’re just making a correct observation on why a guy really isn’t a nice as he thinks he is.

        In short when women have a hard time in the dating world its the fault of the guy(s) when men have a hard time in the dating world its the fault of the guy(s).

        • My take on people who aren’t having an easy time of dating? They are probably doing something that puts people off.

          Strong Independent Women? Probably too busy to make time to really be out there. Possibly putting on a subconscious or conscious tough front that a lot of guys find off putting for whatever reason. Or they are waiting form some kind of weird challenge back from the guy as part of an inner drama they’ve created. Or they’ve not dealt with their own gendered expectations of men and want someone as aggressive as them, instead of seeking a fellow who might be their complement.

          Nice Guys? Probably not direct enough, possibly got a weird passive aggressive thing going on where they feel entitled to a girlfriend but also don’t like the chicks around them, seeking “hotter” women kind of deal. Who knows.

          dating takes a particular kind of effort, a willingness to be open to lots of different types of people, and it also takes this kind of….if you love it let it go kind of non expectation/expectation setting.

          When I hear anyone say, “I”m great, I can’t find a great partner.” I always wonder about what it is they might be doing that pushes people away, even if they don’t mean to do so.

          It’s not always the case, I guess, but sometimes I see those excuses “He’s afraid of my independent power” as a shield that fulfills their own prophecy.

          • I know a few strong, independent women. I don’t think any of them realize they are strong though. I’ve seen some women say they are SIW’s though some of them were trying to justify being a negative bitch. Strength does NOT equal being a bitch/bastard to someone, some of the SIW’s and SIM’s need to learn this lil fact.

  5. “And I’m sick of my preference being demonized.”

    You’re not alone, pal. When I hear a woman talk about her preference in men and find that I’m excluded from that list, I don’t argue with her or criticize her, I just accept that she’s not attracted to me. But when I say what I like in a woman I tend to get attacked for it.

    They act as if I’m saying all women should look like that. I’m not. I’m saying I (just me) like women who look like that.

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