Ron Mattocks finds inspiration and wisdom in unlikely characters: Don Draper, for instance.
The other night I was telling my wife, Ashley, about an idea I had to start an anonymous blog where I would be a complete asshole, but yet still arrive at the generally correct conclusions on the chosen topic. For instance, I’d claim to envy Charlie Sheen for being able to balance porn stars and fatherhood before alluding to the imminent downfall of such a lifestyle. That’s not a perfect example, but as I explained things further to her, my ultimate motivation for such a project came down to a feeling that I had pigeonholed myself as a writer into this wholesome, Clark Kent-like persona specializing in cutesy, mildly amusing stories about life as a stay-at-home dad.
My impetus for such an idea was spurred on by my attempt to catch up on the current season of Californication, which if you’ve never watched, follows the infamous exploits of the well-intentioned, yet decidedly-fucked-up writer Hank Moody (played by David Duchovny). For brevity’s sake, I’ll skip all the (many) gory details except to say that Hank is a complete asshole who truly loves his teenage daughter and her mother, but has a penchant for poor decision-making when it comes to booze, drugs, and other women. To give you an idea, Hank is now on trial for statutory rape, but even though the charge is technically true, it’s not his fault …kinda.
I’m not sure what it is, but like a lot of people, I’m fascinated by male characters who straddle the duality of being both genuinely good and morally flawed at the same time. Don Draper (Jon Hamm), the 1960’s ad exec with lady-killer looks and a troubled past on TV’s Mad Men, is another one who falls into this category. The guy cheats on his wife as often as he drinks (which is a lot), and yet still proves to be a good father along the way.
The aspect of characters like Moody and Draper that I marvel at is how they can exhibit remorse while weathering the consequences of their bad behavior only to turn around and make the same poor choices all over again. And here’s the real kicker—we continue to love them in spite of it and so do the characters they hurt over and over again.
Watching these shows, I’ve wondered to myself what it must be like to play the part of an asshole—I mean for real. This question has been so strong of late that it has since brought on the sudden impulse to suck down a handful of Marlboros, reserve a copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the library, and place an order at my sister’s Etsy shop for a vintage electric typewriter on which I planned to write really fucked up shit that I would then scan into my computer and use for my new, in-your-face blog.
Ashley, however, didn’t think this to be such a hot idea.
This sort of annoyed me, partly because she was so sure in her feedback, and partly because the UPS guy would be showing up any day now with an 80-pound, Smith Corona from the 1970’s. She conceded that it would be a lot of fun to unleash my inner Hank Moody on the world, but she’s also known a lot of people who have gone this route and wound up taking on that make-believe role a little too seriously. She continued her thoughts by asking why I needed to be anonymous all of a sudden. Why not just write honestly on the blog I already have? Ashley then named off a handful of popular bloggers known for being candid without being complete jerks about it.
My wife’s reasoning, whether I wanted to admit it or not, was sound. The secret identity aspect already bothered me to a slight extent well before I mentioned anything to her. Remaining anonymous to protect your family’s privacy is completely understandable, remaining anonymous just so you can say whatever you feel like without impunity felt somewhat cowardly. I mean, it’s easy to flip someone off from behind the steering wheel of a moving vehicle after they cut you off, but how likely would you be to give that someone the bird if they did the same thing on the way to the check-out line? How is this any different online?
Even so, her point about using my better known blog to sharing my honest opinions, no matter how controversial, failed to convince me completely. Cutesy stories mixed with the occasional heart-felt piece about life and fatherhood is safe and unlikely to raise other people’s ire. It’s that kind of content that has helped get me paid writing gigs so why take the risk of scaring people off with my blistering commentary?
But where then do I write about the tough issues? Where do I take on controversial aspects of politics, parenting, society and pop culture, and do so unapologetically? Where can I be bold and unabashed in challenging mouthy dads who demand respect while doing nothing to prove they deserve it, or feminist tripe that rails against men while using backlash emotions to ignore the truth? Hank Moody and Don Draper wouldn’t back down in speaking their minds and the masses would cheer them on. Me? I’d be deemed a first-class nut case, earning a labeled of the “Gary Busey of Daddy Bloggers.”
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Last night, Ashley told me that my stepdaughter, Allie, was upset over some boy telling her she was ugly. Apparently, according to the teachers, this boy is the most popular kid in the third grade and everybody wants to be him.
I wasn’t impressed. “Sounds like a punk-ass bitch to me,” I said.
“Allie thinks he was just joking around,” my wife added.
I took this to mean Allie was making excuses for the little turd because she wanted him to still like her, and I responded with a few unrepeatable thoughts Hank Moody style. This in turn garnered a stern rebuke from Ashley. Winning!
Throughout life, I’ve always hated those guys who intentionally acted like jerks knowing women would fling themselves at their feet in an attempt to seek male approval. No way was I letting my stepdaughter fall into that bullshit cycle, especially this early in life. I pictured myself lighting up a cigarette and telling her verbatim that she should walk straight up to that boy and nut-punch him as hard as she could. Then I’d tell her that boys like him are nothing more that weak pussies who grew up to be selfish assholes that continually fucked over the people they claim to love. Ironic.
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At the bus stop the next morning, I said nothing of the sort. Instead, I told her that she was the prettiest girl in her class and she should ignore any boy who says differently. Plus, those boys qualified as being so stupid natural selection would take its course and they would die at an early age anyway …or at least they’d have to repeat the third grade. Okay, the last part I didn’t say either, but I sure as hell wanted to.
By the time we walked out the door, however, I had already accepted the fact that I’m not an asshole (not intentionally at least). I have made basically good choices in my life, and of the many poor ones, I’ve learned from them. I love my family through my actions, which means I don’t have to sift through the frequent guilt that would come as a result of hurting them all the time by being a jerk regardless of my altruistic, yet misguided intentions.
I am not Hank Moody, or Don Draper or any other fucked up character in TV-land, and trying to be otherwise would be like that part in Superman III where the “Man of Steel” turns evil. Talk about weird, it’s bizzare watching the Big Blue Boy Scout go from Superman to super jerk as he proceeds to get sloshed in a bar, hit on women, and blow off those in need. It’s something as a coincidence for me that this asshole-e-o behavior came to a head during a mildly existential fight scene between Superman and his wholesome alter ego, Clark Kent. Clark of course wins, restoring the world greatest superhero back to the guy who fights for truth, justice and all that other wholesome, American stuff.
There are, however, some commonalities that Hank Moody, Don Draper and Clark Kent all share. They know right from wrong; they love and fight for their families; they’re bold and passionate about what they believe; and they don’t sacrifice their basic identities to become something they are not. To me, these are the essential fundamentals for being a good man in today’s modern culture. If nothing else, that at least makes watching assholes somewhat redeemable.
Now, what to do with this carton of Ultra Lights and that monstrosity of a typewriter due to hit my doorstep any day now?
—Photo mawphoto.com/Flickr
About Ron Mattocks
Add to this list (off the top of my head; I’m sure there are many more):
Capt. Mal Reynolds from Firefly
Sherlock Holmes (or Dr. Gregory House)
the man in the hat from XKCD
Capt Mal Reynolds-Good one! Hard to remember him after watching 3 seasons of watching “Castle.”
Reading this and wishing you can get out of my head.
I slightly kid, of course, but in regards to my own life (personal and professional), I wonder the same thing. I find that when it comes to sports media, being an asshole pays off far more than being level-headed, at least in the short-term. I think I’ve figured out a way to be honest and speak on controversial matters without being a prick, but if I resorted to high snark and an inflated ego, I’d have trouble looking at myself in the mirror every morning.
Your moment with your stepdaughter reminds me of the scene in Face/Off when the now-bad John Travolta has that lovely conversation with his daughter after some boy tried to get in her pants. If you never saw it, I think the scene is somewhere on the internet.
That’s a good point – short-term vs. long-term. I wonder sometimes that in being level-headed most of times gives you a “get-out-of-jail” free card on being an asshole when it really matters. Then there’s the asshole who’s usually right on the money, but no one wants to listen to him BECAUSE he’s an asshole all the time.
I’m going to YouTube to see if I can find that clip from Face Off. That sounds awesome!
PS. Two Advil will get me out of your head–works for my wife – or so she claims.
Thanks!
“I’m not sure what it is, but like a lot of people, I’m fascinated by male characters who straddle the duality of being both genuinely good and morally flawed at the same time.” Tony Soprano was a good Tv Land character like this. Just off the top of my head.. Great read once again Mr. Maddox. I would be a person that generally considers myself an asshole. I have a hard time not saying what everyone is usually thinking. I am not such an asshole though ,that I impose my point of views on others. I enjoy my thought process, while it might piss people off ,It is generally not direspectful. keep up the good work!
Thanks on the writing (and the Facebook comment. Ha!). Reading your comment made me think of my best friend. He’s a lot as you describe yourself, and somehow even though he says what everyone’s thinking so directly, everybody loves the guy. He just has one of those personalities you can’t not like him. Makes me just shake my head.
Thanks on the writing (and the Facebook comment. Ha!). Reading your comment made me think of my best friend. He’s a lot as you describe yourself, and somehow even though he says what everyone’s thinking so directly, everybody loves the guy. He just has one of those personalities you can’t not like him. Makes me just shake my head.
Assholes with a heart of gold are fun on TV because they aren’t ruining YOUR life. If they were, they’d just be assholes. House is great fiction. I’d love to walk around with a cane hitting random people and saying what I want, but it’s just not funny in real life.
Advice for the stepdaughter – tell her that he said that because he likes her and doesn’t want to show it. Not only will it save her ego, but it’s probably true. It’s your classic 3rd grade projection. I always picked on the boys I liked.
Very true. That’s where the rubber meets the road–the line where reality and entertainment part ways.
Thanks for the input. Unfortunately, things with the boy in question escalated to very serious proportions. My stepdaughter started trying to sneak knives to school. When confronted she told us that the boy in question was trying to touch her inappropriately and making lewd comments to her and other girls in the class. We immediately called a meeting with the Principal. This is where I’m not really an “asshole” because showing my restraint (despite wanting to nuke this kid) gave me credibility in the Principal’s eyes and thus she took swift action. Had I come in there being a jerk–even justifiably–by her own admission, she told me my assertions would’ve been seen as more emotional than factual. Lesson learned: It pays for me not to be an a-hole even though I want to be. Really, though, I can’t believe what kids have to deal with today. Sometimes I’m too naive.
Is Hank Moody and Don Draper the best examples of manhood on TV we can come up with?
I watched a bit of Californication because I was a big fan of David Duchvoney in The X-Files and pre – internet porn addict days. Hank Moody doesn’t seem to fight much for anything, not even his family. So much as he just skates along in some sex induced pornotopia and when he slips away from it long enough to work up some care for his family, it’s still a kind of self-indulgent care that has more to do with *him* still then his daughter or ex. Don Draper seems a bit self loathing for all his success. And bold and passionate are the last ways I’d describe him. He hides behind his work and keeps up a facade of being a good family man while screwing around. Why are you even trying to find anything redeemable in assholes enough to want to relate to them? Aren’t there any other positive male roles on tv other then these characters?
We always mock women for falling for bad boys and jerks. Well Ron, it sounds like you got a bit of a bad boy fetish yourself. And your trying to justify it. Just like a lot of women do too. Perhaps we should be giving attention to real male role models instead of trying to help further blur the lines about what makes a man good.. Such as the dad in Walking Dead. That’s a man that cares about his family. And he didn’t have to sleep with other women to prove it.
No offense Erin, but I think you’re reading a little too much into things here. I agree with most of your points; however it’s rather short-sighted of you to judge someone so rashly based on a mere 1500-word essay. (it’s not like I have 3 years worth of blog posts or a book by which to gain fuller insight into me.) Despite my tone, however, I am not as offended as you may think; this is the double edged sword of blogging–being judged on such hip-pocket information. That’s the nature of things. And it’s for the same reason I don’t think you’re impulsive and jaded based on your one single comment.
PS. Keep in mind, how you respond to my comment here is going to determine what kind of person you really are. Your choices include 1) you could spend some authentic time reading the copious material on my blog and find out for yourself that I have no real bad-boy fetish (For Pete’s sake, it’s Clark Kent’s Lunchbox–my hero stands for truth, justice, and selflessness. Were it Don Draper’s briefcase then we could talk.) or there’s option #2) you choose not to invest the time in learning who I am but instead, leave another unqualified comment in the same vein as before, in which case you’ll just give us all something more to judge you by. It’s your call, Erin.
Here’s a post to get you started: http://www.clarkkentslunchbox.com/2010/11/clark-kents-lunchbox-whats-in-name.html
Wow, that is serious. Whatever happened to innocent pig-tail pulling? I hope your little one is OK. I hope that boy gets some help too.
I hear you about trying to remain object, it’s helpful with employees, family and friends. Although, when it comes to off-spring, I could understand someone losing it. That’s primal. If you didn’t think about nuking the kid, that would be something to worry about. Good for you for keeping your cool. I don’t think I would have if had kids.
My heart breaks seeing kids loosing their innocence so young. Even when you do your best to protect them, someone comes along to take it away and then you have to sit down put the world into a whole new context in order for your kid to be able to process what’s going on. That loss of control over what your kids are exposed to both terrifies and angers. Thanks for commenting again and the kind words.