Sexually frustrated men often claim that women hold the sex card. Life coach Steve Horsmon disagrees.
A friend excitedly told me today that he had an epiphany over the weekend…but he thought that was probably just her stage name. Sorry. That one has always cracked me up!
What’s an epiphany anyway? It’s a sudden realization. It’s a spontaneous understanding. It’s a BFO—A Blinding Flash of the Obvious!
So when a man has a sexual epiphany, he has finally pieced together the puzzle that reveals the truth about his path to passion—to more intimacy. The truth about his path to passion? I know. Sounds a little much, but bear with me for a minute.
Since before we were born, we men have been aware of our emerging sexuality. Sonograms have proven that we become “in touch” with our pleasure points right from the start.
If you are like most men, and like me, a large part of your life has been spent thinking, wondering, and worrying about how those pleasure points will be satisfied. You likely imagined that the solution was ultimately in the control of others—specifically, women.
The sexual epiphany I am talking about is the point in a man’s life when thinking, wondering, and worrying changes into leading, romancing and enjoying. This epiphany does not just happen with age. It must be earned. It is simple but not easy. If it were easy, every guy would be doing it and would be happy with his sex life.
Your transition from horny to happy is based in your transition from expecting things from your wife to expecting things from yourself. This personal transformation is part of the journey which is full of surprises.
This change brings the brand new benefit of having more self-confidence, more self-respect, and more control over your emotions.
When you discover these feelings and learn how to consistently expect them of yourself, something else changes. I hear this from frustrated wives all the time.
Your sex appeal shoots through the roof! You achieve the status of “sexy man”. Your wife sees you in a new attractive light which is the only light that allows her to see you this way. In fact, many other women notice as well—wherever you are. You morph into that man other guys envy and women adore. And until now, you had no idea that it had everything to do with how you think about yourself.
What happened to you? You are no longer an unattractive, adolescent-minded guy whose emotional and physical satisfaction are controlled by others and what you can get from them. You have become a man who now knows his old sexual neediness came from a place of weakness. Your new strength is an aura of masculine confidence which allows you unapologetically to admit that you want passion but clearly don’t need it. Now this is attractive!
A man with a sexual epiphany accepts his role as leader of the “romance department” and the “good feelings department”. He is patient, loving, and giving as he shapes the new environment that he wants to live in. These are the values he now holds as important, and she loves them.
His epiphany is crystal clear. His first priority is to create and maintain an emotionally safe, trusting, and loving environment for himself and his wife. His second priority is to invite her to join him in building the powerful emotional and physical connection they have both always wanted. All he needed was to finally get the order straight!
That’s right. She wants exactly what he wants. She just needs him to understand how she arrives there.
This article orginally appeared on GoodGuys2GreatMen
Photo by Tammy McGary