Parents, Carl Bosch has some inside advice for your next teacher conference.
Here we are: a bunch of adults, teachers and parents, gathered together to talk about how Sam or Sally might be doing in class. We sit around in a circle, in these desks, like we’re having a summit meeting. Our time limit is usually sharpened down to a brief 15 or 20 minutes to “solve” the mystery of the child we consider. We look at each other, trying to assess just what kind of parent conference this is going to be. Some are friendly gatherings, polite and productive. Some are chess matches, players shifting gingerly, looking for the right move. Some are lamentations—often by the parents, often by the teacher. A very, very few are ugly near-shouting matches. Some are a waste of time; others are the best thing that could happen.
Here are some of the things I’ve come to believe about parent conferences.
No one goes to the doctor and tells the expert how the patient should be treated. No one sits with a lawyer and explains how to plead the case. We don’t tell our plumber, electrician, carpenter, mailman, or even the cab driver how they should do their job. Many parents think that they should have a say in how a classroom is run. They have an opinion about the teacher. The reason is because everyone, that’s right, everyone has done hard time in a classroom. You’ve been on the frontlines for the inspiring teacher as well as the utter bore. Because you’ve spent thousands of hours in the classroom, you think you know what’s going on there. But you really don’t. Unless you stood up at the front of a classroom and tried to present information and learning to a group filled with unique and different individuals of all varying abilities, you have no idea what goes on in a classroom. Sitting in a desk as a student has no reference to being the teacher. The patient on the operating table doesn’t tell the surgeon how to hold the scalpel.
Here’s another thing: what you do know is your child. Tell us about him or her. What kind of a person is he or she? What motivates them? What inspires them? What little secrets and stories can you tell us that will help teachers win over that reluctant student? What can we use to fire them up? How do we get their attention? Are they better with praise or admonition? We’re in this together, and teachers do try to personalize their approach. Help us.
And another: Mom or Dad, if you can’t get your child to do their homework, what makes you think that the teacher will have any better luck? In middle school, we see a student for about 45 minutes a day in a class of at least 20 students. That’s not much real contact time. They go to school for seven hours, but you have them for the other 17. What leverage do we have? We can keep them from lunch or have them come to us before or after school. That’s not a very powerful tool. You provide them with every single thing from, necessities to benefits beyond belief. If you can’t reward them with positives and control them with consequences, how can we?
Parent conferences are like playing musical chairs in little desks. Everyone needs to realize there should only be one winner: the child.
Countdown: 10,030 days down, 145 left
—Photo dcJohn/Flickr
It is precisely the kind of “defensive” attack on Mr. Bosch’s rather fair assessment of SOME parents here in our very high income school system that works against reality. Mr. Bosch is one of the most respected educators in the area. You cannot walk down the street of the town where he has been working without encountering parents, kids, kid’s kids —all stopping to thank him for making a difference in their lives. He’s like the rock star of guidance counselors. But… He’s honest. Read his previous blogs to experience the depth of respect and love this guy has for… Read more »
“No one goes to the doctor and tells the expert how the patient should be treated.” I completely disagree. I have corrected, doctors, attorneys, and teachers. Why? Because they were wrong, and they usually acknowledged it. It is the worst possible mistake to ASSume that someone providing a critical service for you or (especially) your children (or spouse) knows what they are doing, without absolutely verifying it. On this issue, I agree with President Reagan, “Trust, but verify.” Words to live by. Not all teachers/doctors/lawyers are competent and informed. To assume so, without verifying absolutely, could be a huge mistake.… Read more »
Education has become a profession where honesty and candor feel inclined to sit silently at the table among “positive” and “constructive.” It seems that the previous blogs should make it hard to label this one as a 40-year summation of beliefs. Maybe Carl will write “Parent Conferences Part II” next week to share SOME (which is the word he began with) additional beliefs he’s formed during the myriad of wonderful parent conferences he’s attended, during the thousands of other meetings and phone calls and letters and emails he’s exchanged with parents as reasonable and respectful and reflective as all responsible… Read more »
“Sitting in a desk as a student has no reference to being the teacher. The patient on the operating table doesn’t tell the surgeon how to hold the scalpel.”
Translation: You know nothing and s/he’s the expert. So, sit at that little desk and shut-up, listen, and do only as you are told.
A sad summation of beliefs, after such a long career. I trust that, at my retirement in 15 years, after nearly 40 years of teaching and being a principal, I will be positive and constructive.
Parents all to often blame teachers and counsellors for what they themselves can’t do. Training is not a one man job when it comes to parenthood. It’s not a one man job or even ten man job for kids in school. It’s damned hard work that starts at home, and even harder if you have expectations that you yourself can’t stay on top of…role model parents do not run a democratic household. They run a tough boot camp into adulthood with honor. thanks Mr. Bosch.