Lost to America is the ability to compromise, which once made us the greatest of nations. Doug Zeigler wonders if we can ever regain the empathy for others that we once revered.
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We have come to a point in our country where you are pushed to pick a side: pro-life or pro-choice; Second Amendment activist or gun control advocate; religious freedom or freedom of religion; Obama is evil or Obama is perfect; Republican or Democrat; Feminist or MRA. You can make this as granular or as broad as you would like to, the point is we are all pushed to choose a viewpoint. Even worse, we are required to defend these views to the very bitter end. Facts be damned! Regardless if the person(s) you are discussing a topic with has presented a case for their stance that has validity and reason, we are not supposed to acknowledge the voracity of their argument on any level. Instead, we are pressured to attack that side from any angle we can to make it seem less valid or in error. There are no niceties allowed. We are right. And they are wrong.
We have to fight with each other. To the death, if need be.
We are in a constant state of defense and combat with “them.” The other side of the curtain, the very wrong side of the fence.
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We are in a constant state of defense and combat with “them.” The other side of the curtain, the very wrong side of the fence. We stand our ground as a show of personal strength, shouting louder and louder the pillars of our righteousness. Digging in our heels, assured that any ideal besides our own will fail due to its incorrectness. Self-righteousness is our weapon, and we wield that with the same reverence Roland Deschain and his gunslinger brethren revere their six shooters. It provides us aid and succor, and we feel stronger as a result.
It’s as if compromise and listening to one another is passé. Actually, passé isn’t even a strong enough descriptor. We need to acknowledge that those two tools for working together are actually seen as a weakness. This mindset is so pervasive that it doesn’t just encompass politics (although that is where it is most prevalent and obvious), it lives and breathes all around us. It is a part of our culture.
Consider the example of gun control. Recently there have been numerous instances where a person (or persons) with guns have opened fire in public spaces killing as many fellow humans as they possibly could, and injuring more. Forged from these tragedies are two camps: The folks who cling to the 2nd Amendment as inviolable, and the people who clamor for stricter laws to obtain guns, and limiting the types of guns that can be purchased. The issue is nuanced and hardly black and white, so one would think that common sense from both sides should prevail and compromise used to try to help lessen the possibility of more of these senseless slaughters. But that person would be very wrong. Instead the 2nd Amendment adherents state unflinchingly that this is a mental health problem and that had more folks been armed, potentially the people who went on these sprees would have been stopped with less or no harm to anyone else. Gun control advocates rail even harder against the ease at which it is possible to get these weapons, and wanting to eradicate assault rifles and limit the size of the clips any of the other weapons can utilize. Both of these sides have merit, and are worthy of sensible and attentive discourse. Alas, compromise loses again here.
… we’ve seemingly lost the ability hear what others are saying above the din of our own certainty. We listen only so far as to formulate our response, which is not actually hearing them.
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However, that is endemic of our culture these days. Each party stands firm, arms crossed, unwilling to hear the others views. This mindset trickles down from our capitols to the folks who identify as either conservative or liberal, democrat or republican, and emboldens their beliefs and the resolution to stand fast in them. Even those that are not firmly in either camp feel the energy of the steadfast defenders, and cannot help but think they need to put up a vigorous defense of their own ideals. It’s a circuitous and continuously revolving door of ignorance that fragments each of us further and farther away from our common ground.
I readily admit that I have fallen prey to the ghouls of self-defense. I have argued loudly and demonstrably for things that I believe to be right and just, usually to those that have the same vehemence for their own ideologies. It invariably devolves into name calling and anger reigning. Not at all productive, but we feel weak if we do not champion our causes. Should we not stand up for what we believe in? Without question, but we’ve seemingly lost the ability hear what others are saying above the din of our own certainty. We listen only so far as to formulate our response, which is not actually hearing them.
We are losing ground on our humanity each day that we do not embrace the power of humility and compromise. Our world and our lives systematically lose happiness and value the more we allow ourselves to be divided and exploited. Working with those who we do not agree with is not at all a weakness; it takes great strength to genuinely listen to another viewpoint that opposes yours and remain open to the possibility that you may be wrong. We cannot hope to engage in peace if we choose to constantly wage small wars for our mental certainties.
… it takes great strength to genuinely listen to another viewpoint that opposes yours and remain open to the possibility that you may be wrong.
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And therein lies the rub: I am defending empathy, which is in itself a stance. However, I do so with an open heart and mind. I am more than willing to hear what your thoughts and convictions are and hope we can each come to middle of the road approach to problem solving. Each and every one of us has a point of view unique to ourselves. I urge you to share your views with anyone who will listen, but I humbly ask you to hear their points and counterpoints with the same fervor that you laid out your own.
We can work together and leave this world a better place than we came into it. This requires us all listen, learn and share. Utilize your empathy. See the world through eyes other than your own. Put aside the bluster, because our world needs kindness, not vitriol.
Photo:Flickr/Metro Centric
The problem is politicians and special interests who keep stirring up these issues so we keep fighting each other while our country goes deeper in debt, more Americans lose homes and jobs, or their lives overseas. As long as we are squabbling, the folks at the top of the pyramid keep their power and influence. The Founders major mistake was not putting an enforcement clause in the Bill Of Rights. Simply stated, any politician, judge or cop who violates those rights is arrested and tried. If found guilty, they lose their positions permanently and have to make restitution to their… Read more »
Compromise works really well when the issue is splitting the difference on dollar amounts or drawing imaginary lines on blank maps. In matters of principle, not so much.
I’m not entirely convinced that the situation was ever any better than it is now. We shot cannons at each other for a while, after all.
Strength and deterrence are critical in this day and age as it always was, only the scale and reach has changed. However, the ability to reach a fair and equitable compromise always was and always will be the best asset of the wise and powerful and it is the only thing that lasts. Being a leader means leading all sides to peaceful agreements which are a win win for all. Not always possible and always difficult ,and sometimes it takes years of conflict to get there, but that path of communication, negotiation and compromise, must always be open and working… Read more »
Thank you so much for this. I’m not exactly a pacifist, but I’m non-combative and I can’t stand today’s culture of fightfightfight. I’ve always been a fan of getting as many perspectives as I can before reaching my own conclusions, but it seems these days like no one wants to compromise, empathize, or in any way admit that they might not be 100% “correct.”
I wish I could find more people like you amongst my peers.