Rape has never been about seduction. It has always been and will always be about power.
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Patience Perez is a sexual predator.
Over the course of one month, the 24-year-old high school security guard at Virginia’s Renaissance Academy abused her position of trust to inappropriately engage a 15-year-old boy in the halls. She flirted with him, supplied him with alcohol and marijuana. And eventually, she repeatedly raped him.
Perez carried out her crimes at her home — while her husband, a sailor, was away — and at the boy’s home while his mother was at work. She told him that her husband was abusive and that she wanted him dead. She allegedly hinted that he could be the one the save her.
If not for finding nude pictures of Perez on her son’s phone, the sexual assaults would undoubtedly have continued — and a 15-year-old boy may very well be on trial for murder. Instead, his humanity is being tried in a court of public opinion while Perez walks off into the sunset with her husband and a slap on the wrist from the judge.
Two years in prison, with all but seven months suspended, is the price that Perez will have to pay for raping a young boy under the influence of drugs and alcohol. And during those seven months, she is allowed to remain free as long as she undergoes counseling.
The boy, whose face is plastered all over the news yet desires to remain unnamed, told WTKR’s Jessica Larche that his life has been “ruined” by Perez and that though he isn’t physically hurt, “mentally it’s hurt me a lot.”
“She saw me in the middle of the hallway and gave me her number and her email,” he said.
“Like any other teenager, you would think that you’re the man. You got this older female that’s giving you her contact information. Initially it was supposed to like the thing where, we just like, have sex and then like that’s it. But then it turned into something much more. It turned into a relationship,” he said.
He continued: “If it was a dude, if it was an older man and a younger female about my age, that dude would be locked up for rest of his life,” the boy said. “This has basically like ruined me.”
Ruined.
Yet the media doesn’t report it that way. WTKR’s headline states that he was “seduced.” No. The age of consent in Virginia is 18. He wasn’t seduced; he was raped. His mother says the court’s leniency with her son’s rapist is like “an arrow” through her heart and has started a petition to push for stiffer laws in cases like these. But she is facing an uphill battle.
While the racial disparities are considered by some to be “unexplainable,” the devaluation of Black male life in the United States is nothing new.
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Cases where boys are sexually assaulted are often mocked, their trauma diminished. How can a boy be raped, people scoff. Teen boys are “horny” and this boy, as so many before him, should be bragging that an older woman found them irresistible.
But rape has never been about seduction. It has always been and will always be about power. That’s how male privilege, traditional masculinity norms and rape culture interweave to create an environment where girls can be raped, but boys can only be seduced. These flawed expectations teach men that they can never be victimized by women — which is why this boy, a rape victim, calls his assault a “relationship” while still saying that it caused him pain.
Men are supposed to be too powerful and sexually dominant to ever be raped. Why? Because rape is something that happens to women, according to society. And even then, while many would protest Perez’s light sentence and the way the story is framed, still others would label the victim a “fast-tail girl” who probably asked for it.
The comment sections are overflowing with statements questioning the boy’s character and the authenticity of his despair, even though the research on male sexual assault victims, who account for 10 percent of all cases, is clear:
Sense of self and concept of ‘reality’ are disrupted.”
“Psychological outcomes can be severe for men because men are socialized to believe that they are immune to sexual assault and because societal reactions to these assaults can be more isolating.”
In other words, their lives can be “ruined.”
Even more troubling, according to a 2008 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance report published by the CDC, 4.5 percent of high-school boys reported being physically forced to have sexual intercourse. Unsurprisingly, Black and Hispanic boys reported much higher rates of forced sex than white boys. Only 3.2 percent of white boys reported forced sexual intercourse, compared to 6.1 percent of Black boys and 5.4 percent of Hispanic boys.
While the racial disparities are considered by some to be “unexplainable,” the devaluation of Black male life in the United States is nothing new. They have throughout history been seen as bucks-in-training. To the court that wiped Perez’s white tears for her before granting her freedom, this boy was Bigger Thomas and she was Mary Dalton, probably lucky to escape with her life. He meant nothing to the court. His pain means nothing.
Even after being repeatedly and unapologetically violated by someone in a position of trust and authority, this system built solely to protect and perpetuate white supremacy did what it does best.
We must start protecting our boys. We chastise, blame, arrest and murder the damaged men they often become, but these men were once children. They were boy children who were beaten, ignored, manipulated. Raped. They were boys like Chris Brown, also from Virginia, who boasted about losing his virginity at the age of 8 as if it made him a better man.
Brown, like this boy, normalized his experience in the context of male privilege. Brown, like this boy, is known to have anger and depression issues. Yet, by the standards society trains them to follow, neither of them consider their “relationships” to be rape even as they admit, through word or deed, to residual trauma that continues to affect their lives.
Having a broader conversation about rape culture that takes Black boys into account is necessary and it is long overdue. Starting now.
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Originally appeared at xoJane
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Disgusting. Sexual assault and rape is what it is, no matter the genders involved. I’m sorry if I offend others but I sincerely view sexual predators as walking cancers I would like to see cut out of the gene pool. Yes some of these criminals may have mental illness or developmental problems or have had a rough time in life. Even if what I think or feel is wrong I would still rather keep deleting these people as we find them.
Any article talking about lack of attention to abused men that feels it needs to reference male privilege stops me reading right there. We cannot accept that this is all our own fault, and it is just backfiring already. Female privilege let this woman get away with her shit, not male privilege.
We are so stuck into our stereotypes … This allows many a crime not only to happen but also get away … While the woman concerned is still young, I definitely see a case of rehabilitation and even revolution to happen with the young man … When we keep projecting masculinity abnormally in the media as seen as merely attractive amidst the opposite sex, and relatively poorer models around, he is bound to happen. Yes, we need to protect young boys like him … Undoubtedly … A lot more will churn from engaging dialogues as this … Thanks for this… Read more »
It’s largely men who have “normalized” it up to now. So often they are the ones going “wooo hooo, you got laid” when it was *rape*. Like sex should have that kind of value no matter what the dynamics, and no matter how wrong those dynamics are. I am really happy to see that changing, but the justice system needs to catch up now.
Yuo, men are definitely more responsible for the problem of women raping boys then the WOMEN who actually do the raping. Why am I not surprised at this comment?
You are doing jgd333 an injustice. That’s not what he/she said. Actually it made a lot of sense. The scenario is this: A few women rape boys and many men cheer. While clearly the blame for the deed lies squarely on the former, the latter are doing their part to enable such crimes. Do you think rape of boys can be stopped if perpetrators go free because a male jury thinks the victim was done a favor? Or police refuses to investigate? Or counselors laugh the victim off? Obviously not. Therefore changing a culture which condones those rapes is prerequisite… Read more »
You are doing jgd333 an injustice. That’s not what he/she said. Actually it made a lot of sense. The scenario is this: A few women rape boys and many men cheer. While clearly the blame for the deed lies on the former, the latter are doing their part to enable such crimes. Do you think rape of boys can be stopped if perpetrators go free because a male jury thinks the victim was done a favor? Or police refuses to investigate? Or counselors laugh the victim off? Obviously not. Therefore changing a culture which condones those rapes is prerequisite to… Read more »
@ Theorema Egregium I disagree although my phrasing probably wasn’t the best, I didn’t really gave it in me to respond in detail. What jgd333 wishes to do is shift focus on men and what men do. There is no mention of how women normalize the rape of children by suggesting that women’s issues ALWAYS libe up with the interests of children (ie women and children’s lobby) or how it is usually women who suggest that SHE must have been abused in the past or that when men are raped it’s not the same thing as they are “privileged” or… Read more »
That is like saying it is women who make women want to be submissive because it is their mothers we have tasked with delivering that training.
Yes, most men look at the male role as a net win that can never be anything but lovely, probably more men than women. But they are deluded.
Women have the advantage of being told they deserve help.
Also bear in mind that if there were a child, this boy would have to start paying child support at 18. The law is THAT biased, that you can punish a rape victim for being raped FINANCIALLY in about thirty states.
Yet, less than 48 hours ago, I was watching the Daily show with my friend and a segment came on about women having trouble getting child support money from their rapists. My friend said, “They shouldn’t have anything to do with their rapists to begin with.” And went on to say, “These statutory rape cases are a joke.” Isn’t this article about a statutory rape case? Is it only a joke when the victim is female?
She got 2 years more than my rapist. Mine is still a teacher.
Mike, I’m so, so sorry that happened to you. My heart just dropped and I felt sick at that comment.
We have to keep fighting this fight.
You are heard here. You deserved to be protected.
We must start protecting our boys. We chastise, blame, arrest and murder the damaged men they often become, but these men were once children. They were boy children who were beaten, ignored, manipulated. Raped. They were boys like Chris Brown, also from Virginia, who boasted about losing his virginity at the age of 8 as if it made him a better man. So with this in mind I have a question for the, “But….but….but most abusers are mennnnnnnnnn!!!” crowd. Instead of waiting until they become abusive men why not help then when they are abused children? I think the reason… Read more »
Totally agree we need to speak up MORE about male victims of rape and sexual abuse. But we also need to showcase those victims whose abusers were MEN, not just women. I agree that women are just as capable of victimizing children as men are, and yet, men still abuse and rape more often. I think the fact that this case is in the media instead of a rape case where both the victim and rapist were men is evidence that people still do not want to know about male rape of male victims is happening. People are more curious… Read more »
People are more curious about it happening when the rapist is a woman, but the truth needs to be spotlighted about ALL boys and men who were raped or abused…that truth being, it is usually a male rapist. Let’s not act like there is a shortage of people pointing this out. In fact “but most of them were abused by men” is nearly a knee jerk response to even mentioning abused boys. I suspect this is the case because despite this case not being male against male there seems to be more freedom in pointing out male against male abuse… Read more »
However, to counter your claim that too much attention is paid to female abusers, UK childrens charity kidscape estimates that at least 20% of paedophiles are female. But only 1% of convicted paedophiles are female. Most people are aware that men can abuse – we have cultural memes all over the place about it. Many, including law enforcement, simply aren’t looking for female abusers, so they don’t see them. Considering that discussions in our society are almost exclusively about male abusers and female victims, it’s not surprising. And “usually it’s a male” doing it, just fuels the mainstream, empirically unsound… Read more »
No, Marie – we don’t need to worry about that, because we’re already DOING that. That’s ALL we do.
Goodness, we don’t even have the concept of women raping men existing as a concept within society, never mind laws against it (in the UK it is not possible for a women to be convicted of rape as legally defined) – but no – let’s just talk about how it’s men are problem, AGAIN!
I agree. When discussing gender issues with feminists (no, I’m not “anti-feminist”), I find that that’s what the discussion usually boils down to. An ex of mine talked about how she had to read a book for school that mentioned that rape against men is still misogyny. Something like “By being raped, he is personifying the role of a woman. And therefore, when a man is raped, it is because of the hatred of women.” All the time, the discussion comes forward. “Most violence is committed against men”. “Yeah, but it’s mostly men who do it. So it’s not an… Read more »
@ Marie Franklin “I agree that women are just as capable of victimizing children as men are, and yet, men still abuse and rape more often. … that truth being, it is usually a male rapist.” Except that the vast majority of the perpetrators of rapes against men and boys are women. That’s a big reason to highlight female on male rape. No one wants to believe it happens even in comments calling for it to be recognized. Yes, acknowledging one rape while erasing the victims of nine more is denying that it occurs. It denies it has occurred to… Read more »
” I agree that women are just as capable of victimizing children as men are, and yet, men still abuse and rape more often” Please stop saying this, this is about abused boys by women, not the Olympic of rape. The stat is useless, and actually counterproductive. I simply wish people would stop these useless comparisons. How can cases like this EVER be taken seriously when people stubbornly try to make this a exception. This case is not unique and we all know this happens, a lot. If we are going to do anything about it as a first step… Read more »
@ Mr Supertypo Good point. There are people here, predominately women, who complain that, mostly men, bring up female perpetrated abuse in articles about females abused by males or abusive female behavior in articles about an abusive male These same people remain silent when a person, usually a woman, bring up male abusers in an article about female abusers. Some of them are mods and / or editors, but a derail is only a derail if it points out female perpetrated abuse. Like I said before and it’s worth repeating. The rape of men will never be stopped until society… Read more »
As much as we’ve been taught that about male rapists, and it may be true, most people now admit that we simply don’t have enough GOOD data on female perpetration (because of what qualifies as “rape” or even sexual battery) to be able to state conclusively who is raped more or less, and who is perpetrating more or less. At the very least, with the data we have, it seems as if men rape more, but I wouldn’t put my life on those numbers. I certainly wouldn’t say that it’s a fact. To me, it doesn’t even really matter. Consent… Read more »
@ Joanna Schroeder
Thanks. Personally I really needed one of the women to speak up on this. This helps a lot.
Yes indeed, it makes a whole lot of difference when a woman puts those points across. People tend to listen more when an individual of their gender tells them something that’s often repeated by the opposite gender. Of course it doesn’t work when you merely parade sexist rubbish as fact, as I’ve seen male feminists do on more than a few occasions.
@ Chris It’s not just for women. For me, it’s an indication that the things we’re saying are actually being heard. You can make the argument that people, who make comments like men are only a very small minority of victims or women are only a very small minority of perpetrators, are new to the site and haven’t look at the research we’ve linked to. It’s harder to say that people who’ve been here for years have all decided not to view this article. It’s nice to know that people do listen and that their open minded enough to question… Read more »
@Joanna.
Absolutely right.
To say that rape is gendered while steadfastly ignoring half the problem is sexism at its finest.
And even if men turn out to be the minority of case out of male/female victims – so what? That just means they will need all the more attention to make sure those cases aren’t sidelined.
Actually Marie, studies have found that mothers abuse their children at a rate higher than that of fathers. One study puts that figure at 64% for mothers compared to fathers, with abuse received at the hands of mothers tending to be more brutal (I cannot remember which state this was nor when it was done, but I do remember it was quite some time ago. It still flies in the face of your assertions, regardless). I’ll try to dig these studies out, but I haven’t got the time at the moment (I’ve got thousands upon thousands of scholarly work to… Read more »
Maria, I’d like to point out that the FBI has recently agreed to classify Envelopment without Consent as Rape in their statistical data. You know what this means? It means that you and others who state: “I agree that women are just as capable of victimizing children as men are, and yet, men still abuse and rape more often.” are no longer going to have a leg to stand on with this counterargument. Because when you look at all those men out there who were forced to have sex without proper consent, believe me those male victim and female perpetrator… Read more »
Do you want to discuss which *race*commits more crime? Does the parallel bother you? Because, down deep you know that when it comes down to it, the people treated worst psychologically in society, who have no handhold on their morality and are hopeless about being better people, are the ones that get violent. Those are men, and women live in a world with a ton of privileges they will never acknowledge. Being taken seriously as a victim, and not guessed to be gaming the system instead of suffering honestly is one of those privileges. So is the right to *really*… Read more »
“male sexual assault victims, who account for 10 percent of all cases”
And here, even in an article trying to be sympathetic to male victims, we use the low-end estimates… And we wonder why it’s not taken seriously as a societal problem.