Accusing a man of paedophilia can ruin his life. When you do it on social media, the effects are irreversible, and his innocence doesn’t matter.
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We’ve all seen the stories online about men being falsely accused of being creeps and paedophiles. Stop me if any of these sound familiar:
I was sitting on a bench watching my granddaughter on the swings when the police show up to question me because someone reported that I was leering at the children.
I was asked to move seats on a plane because a child was seated next to me.
I was tapped on the shoulder by police while I was taking photos of the beach. Someone thought I was taking pictures of their children.
For most men, any of the above situations would not only be mortifying but would also make us extremely angry to be accused of such a heinous intention just because we have a Y chromosome. This is an awful phenomenon and one that has been written about a number of times, and recently on The Good Men Project, in an attempt to educate people that, surprise, most men aren’t predators. Yesterday, not only was it shown that the problem has progressed, but we learned it crossed a very dangerous line.
This time a man wasn’t just falsely accused by a woman calling the police, he was falsely accused by another person on social media. His photograph was taken and uploaded onto Facebook along with the following statement:
It was shared 20,000 times, to the point that the accused man’s phone was ringing non-stop and he had to answer it in a business meeting where a concerned friend told him his face was online and he was accused of being a creep and paedophile. The man spoke out in an article in the Daily Mail:
‘I’m a father of three kids and a normal human being… I’ve never taken a selfie before,’ he said.
‘As I was walking out of Target I saw a very large Darth Vader cut out for taking photographs – it said “May the 4th be with you” – and I’ve got three children and they love all that Comic-Con, Supernova, science fiction stuff,’ he said.
The man said he took a quick selfie and saw a number of kids sitting down nearby and lining up to get their photo taken.
I said, “I’ll only be a second, I’m taking a selfie to send to my kids.” There was no parent present.
‘I then started walking out of the shop and was trying to work out how to send the photo to my three children.’
‘Obviously as I was going out this woman has stalked me and taken a photo of me.’
There are so many things wrong with this it’s hard to know where to begin. Let’s start with the fact that this woman saw fit not to confront the man or contact police, but to go straight to the internet to name and shame him. She went straight for the nuclear option—either not thinking of the consequences or not caring. With the man being proved innocent after going to the authorities himself, she has now deleted the Facebook post, but the damage has been done. People have already called him a sicko walking down the street, and he has received death threats. How many of his friends and family have now had the idea implanted in their head that he is a paedophile or there is something wrong about him? How many people have seen this post on Facebook but not the news articles pointing out what happened, who will now call the police whenever they see him near children (even his own)? How many people will just flat out not believe that he was innocent after all, that he probably deleted the picture of the children before going to the police? Worst of all, the woman in question hasn’t even offered an apology and no doubt thinks she was in the right to ruin a man’s reputation because she was protecting her children.
Then there are all the people who read the post she shared. Take a look at it again. The woman’s story makes no sense. My first reaction was “something doesn’t really add up here,” yet hundreds of people either just blindly hit the share button or decided to turn their brain off and not question what were pretty clear anomalies in the story. I’ve seen similar stories crop up on my own feed in the past, which took me aback somewhat and made me feel uneasy that someone’s picture was so readily put up and shared. In these cases, police had been notified and the person repeatedly displayed suspicious behaviour in the same area. Even then, commenters were noting that it wasn’t a good idea to go around doing such a thing. We are a society where people are presumed innocent until proven guilty and that guilt is proven by a court, not a group of people on the internet with only half the story.
There’s been a number of apologies from some sharers which I really appreciated. The fact is they’ve made a mistake out of concern but in real terms it was not credible information.
Once it’s out there it can’t be retracted… and the retraction post has only been viewed one-fiftieth of the times the original post was viewed.
I can only imagine the hurt this woman has caused this man and his entire family. As parents, are we not in this thing called parenthood together? We all share the same struggles, the same worries, the same wanting our kids to grow up healthy, strong and happy. How would she feel if someone had done the same thing to her husband, or her father? If she has boys, are they now thinking that it’s unacceptable for a man to even speak to them? This is why I’m baffled by the fact she hasn’t (or won’t) give the man an apology. Hell, if she has any sense of decency she should be making a YouTube clip of herself apologising and asking for people to share it.
The man is now considering legal action, and I for one hope he goes through with it. Here’s the other problem though—to sue her means taking money out of her pockets, making it harder on her kids. So even if he wants to make an example of her, he still loses out. Odds are he’ll drop it and just want to move on, trying to put the horrible incident behind him. Which means there will be no justice. He has been branded with the scarlet “P” (which, even amongst murderers and rapists in prison would get you castrated or killed) by a woman who branded herself judge, jury, and executioner. For her to avoid any consequence after causing so much damage sends a dangerous message to all of the other Helen Lovejoys of the world who would so readily do the same thing.
With this incident I don’t believe it’s acceptable to say “better safe than sorry” or “my children come first” anymore. You don’t get to ruin a man’s life and reputation based on your suspicions, which are a product of your thoughts and prejudices. Men have civil rights too, and it’s not acceptable to trample all over them anytime you’re suspicious. If you’re uncomfortable with the way someone is acting, report it to the police and let them deal with it.
Enough is enough.
Top photo—mrhayata/Flickr
Inset photo—screengrab
Back in the day when someone said something you knew right away if it was “creepy” or not because you both were right there in person. Today people are labeling a person a “creep”, without even checking to see where or from who a comment/reply/post is from. The persons intentions they don’t know with one word they tie personality traits to that person.What’s worse the real “creeps” “pervs” are using it as a weapon. i know i shouldn’t say names, it makes me look as bad as him. but he does it to so many people, to me i don’t… Read more »
sue that woman, and publicize it.
The man is now considering legal action, and I for one hope he goes through with it. Here’s the other problem though—to sue her means taking money out of her pockets, making it harder on her kids. So even if he wants to make an example of her, he still loses out. I find it odd that this “what about the kids” reasoning only ever comes up when it comes to holding women responsible for their behavior. When a man does a woman wrong we never hear anyone worry what affect holding him responsible will have on his kids. Why… Read more »
“I find it odd that this “what about the kids” reasoning only ever comes up when it comes to holding women responsible for their behavior. When a man does a woman wrong we never hear anyone worry what affect holding him responsible will have on his kids.” Hi Danny, I made this point not because she’s a woman, but because I’m a father. The thought of punishing someone to the point that it interferes with the way their children are raised doesn’t sit right with me. By all means, I’m for something extremely punitive (make her take out a front… Read more »
He needs to make an example out of her so others may be safer. When people know that careless comments can make them lose their house, then it will happen a lot less. When people see there isn’t a big punishment for it then it’s much easier to just take the risk and accuse others. Her kids will be looked after, we have welfare here. This is a MUCH bigger issue than her kids though because many men who see a lack of legal action against her as a sign of how bad things are. What hope do we have… Read more »
Better to punish the innocent than let the guilty walk free. The damage they do is beyond disgusting!
This is NOT a zero-sum game. Punish the guilty and leave the innocent the hell alone and one way to ensure that is to let the authorities handle it and everyone have their day in court instead of going on an offensive public rampage and tarnishing someone’s reputation and risking their safety and life before all the facts are known. No matter how heinous the alleged crime, due process has to be applied. You are one sick puppy. If you get falsely accused of pedophilia or rape and have your whole life turned upside down, and perhaps even spend time… Read more »
And bravo – this is the sort of thing this site should be running more.
We are a society where people are presumed innocent until proven guilty and that guilt is proven by a court, not a group of people on the internet with only half the story. You say that, but I see people speaking of the court of public opinion with increasingly straighter faces. Here’s the other problem though—to sue her means taking money out of her pockets, making it harder on her kids. So even if he wants to make an example of her, he still loses out. Odds are he’ll drop it and just want to move on, trying to put… Read more »
Agreed. False, or even careless accusations about heinous behavior are unconscionable, especially in today’s world, where it’s nearly impossible to run away from your past, even if it’s fictional.