Russell Love on sexual violence in marriage.
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It’s not difficult to debunk marriage as a solution to sexual violence. But the writers and editors at the Washington Post are repeatedly choosing instead to validate rape culture in the US by suggesting marriage as a viable solution. It’s not.
I read the Washington Post’s recent op-ed by George Will that described victimhood a “coveted status” on college campuses. I read the following piece on “married dads,” which was even more incendiary. I was disappointed, to say the least, at the unrealistic solutions posed by these writers.
Here’s the reality:
In many cases, women are as unsafe in a marriage as they are unmarried, and children of married couples are at risk as well. The central problem in the solutions posed by the Washington Post is the cultural assumption of sexual “ownership” laid into marriage.
10-14% of ALL completed rapes are committed by husbands and ex-husbands.
Women who are marital rape victims are more likely to experience repeated assaults than other rape victims.
5% of women report that their children had been forced by their partners to participate in the sexual violence.
18% of women report that their children had witnessed an incident of marital rape at least once.
Case and point:
These opinionated & stifling articles also completely fail to acknowledge the realities of American youth face.
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I work with middle school and high school aged youth through a program called For Youth Inquiry at the Illinois Caucus for Adolescent Health. We tour plays on sexual health and sexual violence, during which I encounter messages of serial violence. I identify with the young people I work with who struggle with what sexuality & violence mean for their lives. I’m left wondering about the people and experiences left out of the picture.
Where do these articles leave women who aren’t interested in marriage with a man, or marriage at all? Where does it leave many queer and questioning youth? Where does it leave young people for whom violence at home is the norm?
The sooner we realize that rape supportive language and action doesn’t just hurt women (like that promoted in George Will, Brad Wilcox and Robin Wilson’s columns), the quicker we will find an end to sexual violence for all.
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Working to unravel male privilege on a consistent basis partially means debunking myths and outdated ways of thinking. In an attempt to avoid the paternalist idea offered in the Washington Post that marrying men will save women from their “propensity to get raped,” I call other men to interrupt this devastating cycle. I urge the Washington Post to challenge their readers to do the same. Because #notallmen, #noman, needs to get married to realize that #yesallwomen, #yesallpeople are affected by rape-supportive ideas like the ones recently posed in the Washington Post.
We all deserve power and autonomy over our bodies. The sooner we realize that rape supportive language and action doesn’t just hurt women (like that promoted in George Will, Brad Wilcox and Robin Wilson’s columns), the quicker we will find an end to sexual violence for all.
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Photo credit: Chase Carter/flickr
“Where do these articles leave women who aren’t interested in marriage with a man, or marriage at all? Where does it leave many queer and questioning youth? Where does it leave young people for whom violence at home is the norm?” From The Bureau of Justice Statistics “Who abused and neglected children? A perpetrator is the person who is responsible for the abuse or neglect of a child. Fifty States reported caselevel data about perpetrators using unique identifiers. In these States, the total duplicated count of perpetrators was 885,003 and the total unique count of perpetrators was 508,849. For 2011:… Read more »
The only thing we can do is continually call women out for trying to sweep this under the rug. As I’ve grown older and more aware, I’ve grown increasingly intolerant of advocates that insist upon distorting reality to suit their agenda.
Things are changing though, it’s far more common for awareness ads to include at least token information about male survivors. It’s not enough, but at least there’s some crystal of awareness growing. If folks keep pushing for awareness it will get better.
I’m deeply disappointed by this claptrap. Yes, marital rape is a serious problem, but completely ignoring the various risks that men face in terms of sexual violence in marriage is beyond contemptible. It’s high time that the propaganda and the organized abuse of men finally end. If women want to be treated better, perhaps it would be a good first step to start treating us with some respect. If women are constantly hammering on men for being sexist pigs, you care to guess what kind of men are going to put up with that kind of treatment? Here’s a hint,… Read more »
“organized abuse of men.” That’s precious.. Someone who doesn’t know the history of the world suggesting men would be nice to women if women showed a little respect.. Is that why up until just a couple hundred years ago (and still today in some parts of the world) women were bought and sold by men. That women were legally raped by men because men made it legal as they were the only ones allowed to make law. Men took the money their wives made because anything produced from your property also becomes your property. Is this what you think of… Read more »
This is absolutely ridiculous. There are no women that are so old that they knew women who were being sold like that in the western world. Human trafficking is still a real issue, but you make is sound like men weren’t and aren’t also being sold by human traffickers. I’m in my mid 30s now and at no point during my lifetime was marital rape legal in the US. The fact that you’re even using that garbage as a rationalization is deeply disturbing. There are still parts of the world where that’s a real issue, but we’re not in one… Read more »