The conversion therapy business may be more about making money than setting you straight.
“But what is a bias towards fairness?” Maggie looked on beleaguered.
“Bias toward fairness means that if the entire Congressional Republican Caucus were to walk into the House and propose a resolution stating that the Earth was flat, the Times would lead with, ‘Democrats and Republicans Can’t Agree on Shape of Earth.’”
This is the message of HBO’s Newsroom created by Aaron Sorkin. Mackenzie and Will explained that there are not always two sides to every story, sometimes there are five sides or five hundred sides, and to position a one-two argument sometimes leaves the Crazy with way too much legitimacy.
Oh how art imitates reality.
♦◊♦
The other day I heard about Dr. Oz’s now infamous episode in which he gave the ex gay cohort the best Christmas present ever: a platform. Dr. Oz argued that although people may be upset about his show presenting this conversation, it is one that has to be had in light of California’s ban on minors entering into such therapy.
Reality is not so sweet.
The media slapped this story to the front page, and Dr. Oz got the ratings spike he sought. And as a consequence, ex gay looked legitimate. Shortly after tuning into the program, a nerve struck and a tide of terrible feelings came over me.
There she was.
Julie Hamilton is an endearing lady. She speaks with the softness of that favorite grandma that lives over the river and through the woods. There is a warmth to her that sets the frame for whatever comes out of her lovely face. Her charming voice is disarming. Her tone is not without sympathy. And the angry voices of GLAAD and GLSEN, the Harvard psychologist and the audience, made you want to rescue her. She looked like a mouse cornered by a cat.
When I wrote my post “Forgive Them, Father“, the video that tormented my dad was the creation of none other than Ms. Hamilton. Her deficient father-talk that bears no resemblance of my own life, or the children of single parents, or ones of actual bad dads, one that has been routinely refuted by leading psychologists, is still a sufficient explanation in her mind. And even though the consequences of such a theory leads to torturous tales of blame and shame, her conscience still insists that she’s right.
She has to be. What else would ex gay groups do?
Bringing me to my point.
Ex gay is not a ministry. It’s an industry.
People are throwing thousands of dollars away towards years of therapy that proves to be about as successful as your local palm reader.
…Okay, fine. That was unfair… to the occult.
See, séances with dead spouses and love potion recipes don’t typically lead to addiction, depression, and suicide. Yet, that is exactly what the fruit of the ex gay industry has been. High rates of addiction, depression, and suicide.
The leading psychologist from Harvard put it as “so simplistic, and operating under an agenda.” Personally, I’d put it as an agenda operating under the guise of empathy. It’s exploitation of the emotionally broken’s desire for acceptance in a culture that calls them abnormal. For sexual minorities within the conservative Christian community, this therapy is charming and convenient. It is seductive. It is colored with compassion. It says it will strip the societal target off their back. Enticing words are used, like “freedom”, “truth”, and “healing”—the ultimate escape from the threat of hell.
Courageously, the CEO of the leading Ex Gay organization, Alan Chambers of Exodus, recently said in an interview that “99.9%” of people that walk through their doors don’t leave changed.
“But we have thousands of success stories!” Hamilton exclaimed.
It seems someone forgot to tell Chambers.
And then, when confronted with the heartbreaking stories of near suicide from those surviving conversion therapy, Hamilton seemed sincerely sympathetic … for a moment:
“Well, I am very sorry to hear that… But ya know, sadly there is a high rate of suicide within the homosexual community.”
…Because homosexuality is innately depressing, completely unrelated to society’s shaming attitude. And even though the medical community has uniformly rejected reparative therapy as unethical and harmful, some Christians still argue that medicine is no substitute for faith. The Bible speaks in only negative tones about gay behavior, so it makes sense to switch out the gay with the straight. As Dr. Hamilton says, “You can’t change the thousand year old texts.”
True.
In a famous exhortation, Jesus warns his followers against false prophets. He explains explicitly how to discern who is of God and who is not.
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:15-20, NIV)
The Message has an interesting translation of this passage:
15-20 “Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned.” (Matthew 7:15-20, MSG, bold emphasis mine)
“A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook.” Mmhm.
This is a bad apple. It is a predatory practice. It is emotional exploitation and it is spiritual abuse. And it is so antithetical to the gospel message that I start to wonder how inept our leaders of the Church truly are when it comes to faith and sexuality.
I mean, seriously, Are we still HERE?
The legitimate and valuable conversation to be had within the Christian community is what life means for LGBT Christians. That is the one that has the potential for real freedom, truth, and healing. There are good and Godly people who see things differently. Not all saints share the same side of the table. A position against same sex relationships does NOT make someone a bigot. A position in the affirmative does NOT make someone a secularist.
But the line must be drawn between good and poisoned fruit. And like lobotomies, leeches, and cocaine medicine, Ex Gay’s shelf life has expired.
RR
Read more on Ethics & Values.
—Photo Guillaume Paumier/Flickr
BTW, I apologize and will use “gay identity” instead of “gayness”. (I don’t like “ex-gay” used with quotation marks, either, because I see it as demeaning as well…I apologize for seeming so earlier with the word gayness.)
Gay identity = sexual attraction + emotional attraction + identity
KJW Hello again! Thank you for those stories. I can tell you have a deep interest in this issue, and I can appreciate that. It’s also clear you share the same faith as I, which is also encouraging. That being said, I have some issues with your past comments that for the sake of civility, I wasn’t ready to comment on. First, what do you mean by “gayness”? I don’t know how you are defining that, but the word sounds incredibly derogatory. Every time I read it, I cringe, so you either have to explain that one to me or… Read more »
Registered Runaways, how about this? Let’s let all people be welcomed and have their stories told, both in and out of the Christian church*. Let’s let gay Christians (and non-Christians) be welcome to tell their stories across the world. Let’s let ex-gays (who have experienced a genuine change in orientation, were once quite gay and now are quite heterosexual with their spouse (and as I told Jeff above, not in the world’s filthy definition of “heterosexuality” which isn’t good for any human being)) be welcome to tell their stories across the world. Why can’t both these groups be accepted? People… Read more »
You refer to the statement by Mr.Chambers and you give a reference that indicates that he was misunderstood. However, examination of that reference indicates that Mr. Chambers did not say he was misunderstood. Rather an religious organization is reinterpreting what he said to meet their own agenda. The quote from your resource includes this, “The Cafe have taken that to mean that Chambers is saying that no-one ever sees a shift in their orientation, but that is not what Chambers actually means.” Episcopal Cafe is NOT quoting Mr. Chambers. I am sure Mr. Jernigan is a wonderful man. Like others… Read more »
Jeff, thanks again for clarifying more where you’re coming from. I very much appreciate it. BTW, here is Mr. Jernigan’s story. He recalls having same-sex attraction from a very young age, although he takes pains to explain it. Unlike you (and I’m not saying this as an insult, rather as a statement of fact) I’m not sure he ever had sexual relations with a girl or woman before he was married. It does sound like he had multiple male partners, though. Apart from having nine kids, I’m not seeing much different in other ex-gay men’s stories than his, and I… Read more »
The issue is not those people who choose to live their lives a certain way. They have the right to do so. The issue at hand is reparative therapy. An unsubstantiated, unapproved, damaging process that tries to change something that can’t be changed.
Jeff, it’s not just about living lives in a certain way. I (and many others who are living it) believe fully that one can leave their gayness (which is not in any way like eye color, though it can become part of our identity in ways mere physical characteristics often cannot do) behind, and even become heterosexual…monogamously so within the boundaries that God sets, and not as the world defines heterosexuality which is more akin to animal behavior in certain species mixed in with a great dose of human lust, sin and idolatry. Very respectfully said, it’s clear that you… Read more »
Registered Runaway, Thank you for responding to my post. I’m very, very, very sorry that you were told you were “a freak”, and rejected, or at least felt that way.* I wouldn’t wish that on any child, anywhere. As for Mr. Chambers’ statement, I’m glad you called my attention to it. However, it appears that what he was meaning was that 99.9% of people who’ve come through Exodus will still, at times, find themselves with unwanted sexual attractions…(the linked synopsis is from an on-line acquaintance, Peter Ould, who identifies as “post-gay” – a very kind man who DID have a… Read more »
KJW- I didn’t want to comment on here because to be honest, I’m a little battle fatigued. But just to be clear. Because I know my post wasn’t crystal. I was comparing the therapy not the ex gay individuals. I figured it was implied, since a person should never be “expired” and the content of the post, including the text above it made that clear. Or so I thought. In any case, sorry for the confusion I want you to know that good and Godly people can and do disagree on this. And, I guess, that’s okay, But the facts,… Read more »
BTW, Jeff, I’ll stay at my first rejoinder of the original article.
The writer compared ex-gays (who are PEOPLE, currently alive today, as well as in the past and future) to a surgical procedure, an animal and a drug.
No comparison. One is human, the other three are not. (And if you are saying you believe in reality “ex-gay people don’t exist”, I will respect your being honest about what you feel to be true even while my own life experience has demonstrated otherwise.)
As the author has clarified he was comparing reparative therapy to outdated medical procedures, not people. Something I understood contextually, but can see where the confusion came from. I’m not saying there are not people who live happy, productive lives in mixed orientation relationships. I have a couple of friends who have been married for over 20 years, and I celebrate their union. I grant those unions the same respect I would opposite sex, and same sex marriages. My argument is with a reparative therapy is an outdated and dangerous process that does more harm than it ever does good.… Read more »
There are a couple of l distinct issues here. One issue is fraud. Promising things that are impossible or virtually impossible, lying about the success rate, selling something on false pretenses, no matter what, is a form of fraud. It’s predatory and generally illegal. Whether the client wants something noble or repugnant, this industry is based on a lot of lies and half-truths. You can think gay people are going to hell and still recognize a(nother) lie when you see one. You don’t get to sell lies just because you’re coming from a religious viewpoint. Another issue is individual agency.… Read more »
Sir, This site is called “The Good Men Project”. And it was once said, “Evil flourishes when good men do nothing”. I’m trying to be a good man, flawed as I am, and I feel compelled to do something. The comparison you made is evil. Lobotomies are a surgical procedure. Leeches are animals once thought to help healing through bleeding. Cocaine is a drug, always has been. Ex-gays are PEOPLE. Let’s leave aside the fact that there’s been no scientifically replicated genetic or inborn cause found for same-sex romantic attraction. None. Let’s leave out the endless studies of identical twins,… Read more »
This response is both well-crafted and well-written, which goes to show that’s possible to say something so well that people don’t really know that nothing has been said. Let’s break down KJW’s argument into addressable pieces and see what remains. First, he insinuates that it is evil to compare reparative therapy to outdated therapies such as leeches, lobotomies and the use of cocaine to treat mood disorders. Why is this evil? All of these were at one time acceptable medical practices which were also used to treat mental disorders. In hindsight we shudder at such practices, but at one time… Read more »
I wish I wasn’t on break on my phone so I could answer more thoroughly, but I think the author is not implying that those who wish to be ex-gay should not be able to, but rather the industry that is profiting off of people in a culture and society that still pushes the idea of “heterosexual is normal, homosexual is abnormal, people should not be -allowed- to be abnormal”. It doesn’t make sense to laud a self-professed mostly failing industry for “giving people freedom of choice to not be gay” while currently benefitting of a society that says people… Read more »
Dear anonymous commenter: 1. When the author said “ex-gay” he meant this industry, not the person. He was referring to the industry that subjects the (useless) abomination that is conversion therapy on individuals who, as a result of the ignorant, homophobic circles they run in, are desperate to try anything, no matter if it kills them, pushes them to suicide, or deepens their depression. Which it usually, and almost exclusively (to quote your words) does. 2. Quoting individual experiences does not make something so. These examples do not prove that being gay is something that can be changed. They only… Read more »
Dear Laura, 1. I don’t see an “industry”. Rather, there are counselors across the US that will (if someone wants) counsel people who don’t want to be gay any more, or perhaps merely counsel them to help attendant conditions such as sexual addiction (which not every GLBT person has) and in process one’s gay sexual, emotional and identity attractions (the three main components to a gay identity) change, though maybe not at the same time…these counselors also work with other issues, though there are ex-gay ministries. Nonetheless, it’s clear there’s a push to outlaw ALL counseling of this sort. Why?… Read more »