Bloomingdale’s made a huge mistake with this ad, but we’re all complicit in allowing it to happen.
—
In the event that you’ve been living under a rock for the past few days as I had been, take a look at the photo above and think on it for a few moments. It’s from a Bloomingdale’s catalog of all things. All it took was a quick glance for me realize there was a huge problem with it. How could it have made it all the way through the proofing and approval process? How many people had their hands and eyes on it only to say “Looks like a winner to me…”?
The imagery itself isn’t the problem, obviously. We’re accustomed to seeing attractive people in advertising. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the rules of marketing: Always use pretty people. If you’re trying to sell sex, and lets face it, most places do, Frankenstein isn’t the model you’re going to use. The problem here is the phrasing at the top. “Spike your best friend’s eggnog when they’re not looking” is essentially “You can rape your friend after that roofie takes hold.”
I have a daughter that I hope never has to experience that kind of pain.
|
I’ll be honest. This made me angry. I can only imagine the initial internal reaction there was for women, or anyone who has suffered a sexual assault at the hands of someone they thought they could trust. I’ve had friends who deal with those memories every day of their lives. I have a daughter that I hope never has to experience that kind of pain. I have every right to be angry.
I thought I was representative of the general population of men. I care. I try to help people when I can. I know the definition of consent, and I’d never dream of drugging someone or getting them drunk enough to finally have sex with me. I’ve never needed it that badly or had the will to dominate and control someone in such a manner. It’s a heinous crime that is in direct contrast to our very humanity.
—
Initially I didn’t want to write about this. I wanted someone else to do it. A gifted feminist. Someone from an ad agency. Anyone but me. Then I realized: It has to be someone like me. If people like me (and I hope most of you) don’t stand up to this kind of behavior and imagery, who will? We have to push back against the perpetuation of a culture that allows the spiking of drinks to go unpunished and encouraged. We absolutely must call BS on issues like this.
It takes using the voices of average people like you and me to shout from the rooftops.
|
This isn’t right and it isn’t OK. Allowing the kind of message this sends to our sons and daughters makes us complicit in their attacks. We cannot simply stand aside and watch the battle unfold from our comfy couches while the kids play in the back yard with our dogs lying at our feet. Winning back our humanity takes more than thinking to ourselves ‘boy, that just ain’t right’. It takes using the voices of average people like you and me to shout from the rooftops. “This is not OK and I will not accept it. I will not be party to an attack on anybody.”
That’s the bottom line, right? To remind ourselves that people are not objects, pawns in a game to be used for our own advantages? Our “best friend” is not a sexual object placed into our lives for our pleasure.
I’ve written and rewritten this post three times now. I’m angry and normally when I write angry I feel better after giving voice to my emotions. With this though, I’m angrier now than when I began.
Sure, Bloomingdale’s has apologized. They’ve said all the right things and will come out of this pretty cleanly I’m sure. Here’s the problem though. The ad speaks to a culture still rampant in our society, the sometimes overt message that sometimes rape is OK, when it never, ever is. This culture is obviously in place in the marketing department at Bloomingdale’s and with whomever approved the catalog.
No more silence from the masses. No more of our complicity stemming from inaction. Stand up for those you love and the strangers that deserve their dignity. Be a part of the change we need and retain your humanity. Our kids depend on it.
Bloomingdale’s made a huge mistake with this ad, but we’re all complicit in allowing it to happen.
Source: 30dB.com – Bloomingdales and Ad
—
Also by Shawn Henfling
Inside The Prison Of My Mind | I Refuse To Babysit My Children | I Think Of Suicide Like You Think Of Changing Jobs | The Suicide Note I Never Left |
The photo is a screenshot of the original Bloomingdale’s ad.
Shawn, the ignorant person is the one who disregards every experience that they don’t agree with. You may have never gone out with your friends and thought that one of them needed a little alcohol in them to have fun, but not every body. You and your friends may just cut loose, but you were never raised as socially conservative Asians. You may have never looked at a friend and notice some hot girl was throwing herself at him and he wasn’t catching, but other guys have. I don’t think it’s any less rapey spiking your friends drink so a… Read more »
“I don’t think it’s any less rapey spiking your friends drink so a stranger woman can get her freak on than it is to spike a strangers drink or a friends so you can get your freak on.” Remind me to never accept a drink from you or your friends at a party. When you choose to spike someone’s drink when they don’t know it, you are stripping them of choices they should have full control over. It is not okay to spike a friends or a strangers drink without them knowing just because *you* want someone to ‘get their… Read more »
Odd, you can even select a quote out of a comment and still get it wrong. Do you even read what a person writes or just make things up?
What did I get wrong? You made a case that spiking a friend’s drink (not a girlfriend, boyfriend or strangers) was okay if it was to help them have a good time. If they know you spiked their drink, sure, they are adults that can make their own choices. However, if you are doing it behind their back to help them loosen up, that is not okay. Your basically giving them a roofie. Being their ‘friend’ doesn’t change that. It is wrong. On that note, here is a fact about men who have committed sexual assault: “Men who have committed… Read more »
“What did I get wrong? You made a case that spiking a friend’s drink (not a girlfriend, boyfriend or strangers) was okay if it was to help them have a good time.” How do you get that from? “I don’t think it’s any less rapey spiking your friends drink so a stranger woman can get her freak on than it is to spike a strangers drink or a friends so you can get your freak on.” If you’re still not sure. Reread my last comment (the one currently at the bottom of the article). Spiking a friends drink is also… Read more »
I got it from this: “You may have never gone out with your friends and thought that one of them needed a little alcohol in them to have fun, but not every body.” and “You may have never looked at a friend and notice some hot girl was throwing herself at him and he wasn’t catching, but other guys have. ” To me, I seemed that you were saying it was okay to go out with your friends, spike their drinks, so they could have extra fun with the ‘hot girl’ throwing herself at him. Did I misinterpret what you… Read more »
@ Erin
If you think it’s just as rapey, why do you think people who are against the picture because it’s rapey are fighting so hard to make it NOT THAT particular type of rapey?
And yes it totally pisses me off that they push that envelope and then say doory, my bad. Bullshit. They knew what they did and why. Each attempt desensitized just a bit more. Yet gender inclusion never seems to make it to their ads does it? Jeez. What a shock.
Mark, I totally agree with you!
I don’t think Shawn is jumping to any conclusions John. Look at the ad. Its not you and your heterosexual male buddy here. Look at the imagery. She’s vivacious and he’s brooding. You can tell he’s feeling not quite there with what he wants. So why would he spoke his best friends eggnog here when you put all the imagery together? He says it all in his look. Acceptable but not desireable. So let’s eggnog it up and make the divergence alot less wide. Lets close that gap.
She’s not holding any eggnog though if I remember the original picture correctly. Isn’t she holding a purse? Funny how we assume that she’s the one getting roofied and that she’s not talking to the victim outside the bounds of the shot. There are some guys who probably have best fiends who are women. One summer, my best friend was a girl because my cousin sat for us. I suspect it’s more common from what I’ve seen that a man will have another man as a best friend. Maybe he’s not looking at her. We’ve had discussions on these threads… Read more »
John, prejudice disguised as logic is still prejudice. Ignorance to the reality of life doesn’t make your argument valid, it only exposes you as someone without an open mind.
John – I use to work in advertising. Advertisers don’t create imagery and pictures so that people speculate about what is happening outside the image. That would make no logical sense anyway. They create imagery and pictures so that people understand as quickly and clearly as possible about what is happening in the image. They only have a few seconds at most to convey their message and subtext of what is happening outside a picture is never an advertisers goal. So yes, this advertisement is about this man and this woman. It’s not about the imagination of what is happening… Read more »
@ Erin
And the fact that she’s not looking and not holding any egg nog seems to debunk that theory. The only person looking is the man, but I suppose speculating on something outside the picture is OK if that supports your theory.
Here is a more complete picture.
http://www.techinsider.io/bloomingdales-holiday-catalog-ad-2015-11
She’s not holding eggnog in the hand that’s visible. She could be holding it in the other hand, but that would be speculating on something outside the picture.
John – Now you don’t want to speculate about something that could actually be in the picture when before you speculated about what was happening outside the picture?
Advertisers are very crafty. They study human phycology and they know how far to push the envelop just far enough. I would hope anyone would understand that advising other people to spike other people’s drinks was harmful. You don’t need a glass of egg nog in the picture to understand right from wrong.
Drugging someone with alcohol is not OK. The disconnect I think I’m feeling is the “best friend” part. If it said girlfriend, boyfriend, or even stranger, I would agree with you, but it doesn’t. I’ve had close friends trying to get me drunk and it’s had nothing to do with raping. It has to do with some people thinking that getting drunk equates to a good time. Spiking a drink especially when someone doesn’t know it is wrong, but I think you’re jumping to conclusions to say it HAS to do with rape.